


Scratch

by MissMairin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cats, Fluff, Friendship, Happy Ending, Heart-to-Heart, Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild alcohol, Multi, Romance, Slow Build, Video Game Mechanics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-02-13 15:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 62,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2155437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMairin/pseuds/MissMairin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tetsuro Kuroo is an itch Kenma Kozume can’t seem to scratch, constantly there, demanding attention. Admittedly, it’s kind of difficult to ignore Kuroo when he’s the vet, and Kenma’s cat is pregnant.</p><p>A story about how a pregnant cat brought two people together, through ups, downs, and sideways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What's New, Pussycat?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! A few things before you start reading:  
> Obviously, thank you for taking your time to look at/read this.  
> Second, there are some depressive thoughts throughout the story, tiny mention of self harm. The notes will let you know if there is any in that particular chapter. (PLEASE! do not think this story is about love saving Kenma from being depressed. It’s not.)   
> Also, there is some chapters where there is homophobic language. The notes will also let you know that.  
> Third, I had to make someone the bad guy. I know Kageyama is a cute lil dork and I love him as much as everyone else, but he sort of fit for the path I took; I didn’t want to have to make a completely new character.  
> Thank you, enjoy!  
> P.S. this story is on ff.net under the same name if you prefer to use that site for updates!

The elevator stopped at floor five, the doors opening with a small ding! Kenma Kozume stepped out of the apartment building’s elevator, shuffling over to the door labeled 501, skillfully unlocking it and opened the door in no time at all. He quickly stepped in and turned around to close the door, checking and double checking that none of his four cats got out through the door.

 

After a swift head count of, yes, four, he sighed and relaxed. It would really, really, be an unnecessary hassle if one of his precious kitties got out. Not only would the cats -- who are indoor cats; they wouldn’t last a day without being fed -- annoy his neighbor Kageyama in 502, but the landlord would be told, and there goes all four cats.

 

Animals, cats included, were forbidden in Karasuno Apartments. Not only did Kenma immediately break the rule, but Kenma had four cats. Four. Despite being in his mid-20s and a guy, he was still known as the crazy cat lady.

 

Two of the cats came bounding up to Kenma, pawing at his ankles. He squatted down, ruffling the hair of Colin, a feisty adolescent cat with pure black hair, except for a quirk of orange on the tip of his tail. The other cat meowed angrily, annoyed with the attention on Colin. Kenma chuckled and gave Lynn a long stroke, who purred appreciatively.

 

Glancing at the clock on the wall, Kenma realized it was almost 6 -- about time for the news. He stood back up, smoothing out his nice clothes, which were now covered in cat hair. Lynn huffed and shook her beautiful blonde coat, before dashing off to attack Colin.

 

 _If those two were humans, they would be like Kageyama and Shouyou_ , he chuckled to himself, amused at how Lynn was pouncing on Colin. However, Colin was having none of it - he swiftly bit at Lynn and she yelped. She stalked off, pouting in a corner.

 

Kenma was about to plop down on the leather couch before he -- thankfully! -- noticed that a third cat was sprawled out in his favorite spot, cat-napping. He sighed exasperatedly; it was like they knew it was his favorite spot. Well, actually, they probably did: that’s the only place he ever sat.

 

“Come on, Clyde. You know I like that spot.” Kenma murmured, too lazy to be angry. As if in response, Clyde looked up at Kenma before meowing and resting his head again. “This is what I get for taking you in? You’re lucky you’re so cute, Clyde.”

 

Another meow.

 

Kenma shook his head with a small smile, and turned the tv on. He walked into the kitchen to make sure the water dish and dry cat food dish was full. Reaching into the pantry, he pulled out a wet cat food can. He was about to open it and prepare himself for the rampage of hungry cats before he heard a pitiful meow. The noise was more like a cry, than a meow, though.

 

He turned towards the sound, and looked down. Sugar, his fourth cat, was sprawled on the floor. But she didn’t look like she usually did -- she was a bit chunkier. Kenma knew this, but hadn’t been worried, because it wasn’t an unhealthy amount of weight gain. She had also been a little more irritable with the other cats more than usual, though he hadn’t thought anything of it.

 

Suddenly, Sugar started retching and threw up all over the kitchen floor. Kenma shrieked. He ran over, scooped her up in his arms and hastily put a bunch of paper towels over the vomit. At this point, he didn’t need any of his other cats starting mischief by eating it.

 

He fidgeted, unsure of what to do. As panic took over his mind, he grabbed his coat, keys, shoes and darted out the door, still somehow making sure the other three cats did not leave. How Kenma managed to get shoes and a coat on while holding a very sick cat, he didn’t know. All he knew is Sugar needed help and soon.

 

“Could the elevator be any slower?” he groaned, waiting for the doors to open to the lobby. Almost on instinct, he hid Sugar in his coat before dashing out the opening doors and out to the parking lot. He got in his car, started the ignition and sped away towards the nearest emergency animal hospital.

 

Thankfully, the hospital was only a few minutes away, but in the few minutes it did take Kenma to arrive, Sugar had threw up again -- on his nice coat. But with no time to care about that, Kenma picked Sugar up again and ran into the vet’s office.

 

Gasping, he kneeled over at the receptionist’s desk, “I -- cat -- sick -- please help.”

 

The young man looked over Kenma, his eyebrow quirked.

 

“What’s wrong with the cat?”

 

“She… she… keeps throwing up. Um, and, she’s gotten much chubbier. Also, she seems more low-key than usual lately, I don’t know. Can I see the vet?”

 

He smiled, one that wasn’t 100% genuine, but still kind. A knowing smile. The receptionist leaned over and brought out a paper and clipboard out of a drawer. “Please fill this out.” Kenma’s face fell, utterly devastated. What about Sugar? She needed help now, for all he knew, she could be dying!

 

“Dr. Kuroo will be out in a jiffy, I promise,” he responded, to help ease the young man’s worries.

 

* * *

 

 

No sooner than Kenma had sat down, wrote his name, and Sugar’s symptoms did Dr. Kuroo come out. At first, Kenma hadn’t noticed him -- too busy filling out paperwork. A boisterous laugh brought him back to reality, and looked up to see the doctor.

 

“... Doctor Kuroo?” he inquired, unsure to as how a rugged man like him could possibly be a doctor.

 

“Yup! That’d be me!” He responded, his hair sloshing everywhere. It reminded Kenma of a bird’s nest. A very, very, untamed bird’s nest. “SO, what can I do for ya?”

 

“Oh, right. Sugar is sick. Please help.”

 

Dr. Kuroo gestured for Kenma to follow, and they went into a white room. There was a couple chairs, and a table that served for a scale, as well. Fidgety, Kenma looked around. The whiteness was almost creepy, unnerving even.

 

He put Sugar down on the table/scale thing that he had no clue what its name was, still unsure if Kuroo was really a vet. He looked like he would be anything _but_ someone who helps others. Drifting off for a second, Kenma imagined the vet as a different profession. Maybe a race car driver. Or a grave digger. Something seriously outrageous, something like that would definitely suit him.

 

Kenma was brought back into reality when Kuroo had asked him a question. “Ah, what? Sorry.”

 

“I asked what this little cutie here’s symptoms are,” he answered with a small smirk on his face. A tall, dark haired, smirking man definitely did not look right petting his cat.

 

“Oh. I dunno, like, she’s been kinda sad. And she’s gotten fatter. And she threw up a lot today.” Kenma explained. “Ruined my nice new coat, too,” he muttered quietly, Kuroo’s smirk growing.

 

“Ah, I guess we have an innocent boy today, huh? You’re too cute. What was your name, again?”

 

“I never told you my name. It’s, uh, Kenma. Kenma Kozume,” he responded quietly, a tad embarrassed.

 

“WHOA! Like, the famous video game developer Kenma Kozume?!”

 

Kenma nodded.

 

“Woah, that’s awesome, man. Anyway, your cutie here is preggo,” Kuroo explained casually, effortly transitioning from a compliment to a serious topic. It took a moment, but Kenma visibly blanched. There was no way he could take any more pets -- he already had four cats.

 

“Wha-what? Pregnant? How?” Kenma stuttered in disbelief. Usually nothing could surprise him, but this definitely threw him off. Plus, the vet he had to deal with wasn’t exactly helping his nerves.

 

“Well, cats, just like humans, get pregnant when a mommy and a daddy love --” Kuroo was quickly cut off by Kenma.

 

“Shut up.”

 

Kenma scowled, turning red from both embarrassment and frustration. At his sudden outburst, he looked away and his voice dropped to a whisper. “You and I both know I didn’t mean it like that! I … “ he trailed off, unsure what to say. Here, Kenma was, his precious Sugar was pregnant and the goddamn vet was a dumbass. _Ah, my new coat is ruined as well. Let’s not forget that._

 

* * *

 

 

“Mmmm… so as I was saying, Sugar is pregnant. It seems she’s about 6 weeks along, which means there’s probably about 3-4 weeks left. I think the reason she hasn’t been eating is probably cause you’re not feeding her the right food -- which makes sense, ya know, cause you didn’t even know she was knocked up!” Kuroo laughed, still petting Sugar. After a moment of silence, the vet pressed lightly on Sugar’s stomach, did some other vet-like stuff, and he nodded to himself. “Yup, definitely about 3 weeks to go.”

 

Kenma nodded back, still in a daze. Kuroo continued to talk, something about giving her some vitamins to help with the vomiting and so on. Kenma tuned in, though, when Dr. Kuroo started to give some tips.

 

“If I were you, I would go out and buy some cat food specifically for newborns and pregnant kitties. Plus, put down a lot more food, they’ll need it. Ahhh, um, keep some food out for her at all times -- that’ll definitely help. Oh! Many people forget this, but Sugar still needs to exercise.”

 

Kuroo paused, looking at Kenma with a thoughtful look on his face, trying to remember anything else he might have forgotten. Kenma couldn’t help but think the look didn’t really fit him very well. Kuroo gave the impression that he was all smirks, not thoughtful and kind. “Ah, do you have other cats?”

 

Kenma nodded. “Yes, I have 3 others. Two male and a female.”

 

“Keep Sugar separated from them, alright? It’ll be best for everyone, I promise. Try to keep Sugar in like, your bedroom or something. Other than that, everything should be okay!”

 

“You talk way too much…” Kenma muttered under his breath. He stood up, shakily, and thanked Kuroo. He took Sugar in his arms and went out to the receptionist to pay. Of course, the vet followed. To be polite, and keep himself sane, he weakly joked, “Um, thanks, Dr. Kuroo. I feel better. Sugar’s only pregnant -- I guess that’s better than dying, huh?”

 

“You are very much wel --” Again, Kuroo was cut off.

 

“Ah, so she IS pregnant!” the receptionist squealed. Both looked at him, confused. “Oh, ah, I knew your cat was pregnant when you walked in. It was really obvious, I was surprised you didn’t realize it.”

 

“Well you know, Kenma here is an innocent lil boy!” Kuroo laughed, not-too-lightly, either. All Kenma could do was blush. Which he did.

 

“You’re annoying.”

 

“Thanks, I know.”

 

Kenma scowled, this guy was so irritating… seriously, how was he even a vet, how was he around cute animals all the time? He didn’t get it. Lost in his grumbling, he didn’t realize Kuroo had gotten nearer until Sugar started purring.

 

“Why is Sugar purring? She doesn’t like anyone except me.”

 

He also hadn’t realized he had spoken aloud until he heard that same voice that had been grating on his nerves all day. Usually Kenma could keep his thoughts to himself. What was wrong with him?

 

“Well, you know, I’m not just anyone! I am Dr. Tetsurou Kuroo!”

 

Kenma only laughed feebly. Sugar didn’t like anyone. And she’s pregnant. And the previous vet was even more-so a jerk than Kuroo. And Sugar likes this vet. Oh, she’s pregnant. Did he forget to mention that? That too. Kenma made a decision he would probably kick himself for later -- but it was all for his precious Sugar! At least, that’s what he was telling himself.

 

“Ah. Dr. Kuroo.”

 

“Mmmhmmm?” he drawled in response.

 

“Can you be my -- I mean, Sugar’s -- primary vet? She hates everyone. But she’s pregnant right now. So could you? It’d be… a great… help…” Kenma said, grinding out the last part.

 

Said vet gaped at Kenma, before his face blossomed into a smile -- granted, it was still half smirk, but it was a smile none the less. _He looks so much more handsome when he smiles like that,_ Kenma sighed dreamily, before scolding himself for thinking this idiot was even remotely handsome.

 

“Of course I’ll be your vet! I’ll make sure Sugar has the easiest pregnancy ever, alrighty? I’ll make sure your other kitties are good as well. Here’s my number!” Kuroo scrawled a number out on -- funnily enough -- a napkin, before handing it to Kenma. In a stage-whisper, Kuroo may or may not have mentioned that the number was his personal cell.

 

All of a sudden, Kenma began to regret asking the doctor to be his primary vet. He had a feeling that he wouldn’t be able to shake Kuroo for a long, long time. He’d be bothered forever. Sugar shuffled in his arms, whining about being held for so long, forcing Kenma to make a decision. He took the napkin and shoved it in his pocket before scurrying along to his car without saying goodbye.

 

“Call me!” was the last thing he heard as the automatic doors closed behind him.

 

* * *

 

 

“Well damn, he was really cute, what do you think Oikawa?” Kuroo asked, a full blown smirk on his face. He looked down at his receptionist, waiting for an answer.

 

“You and I both know if I agree with you that you’ll whine about me stealing all the hot people. Anyway, I’m nearly 99.98% sure he was gay too, dumbass. Or at least bisexual,” Oikawa responded, the utmost respect in his voice. “I’m not gay.”

 

“If you say so,” Kuroo said, wiggling his eyebrows at his friend. Then, he leaned both elbows on the desk, looking off dreamily. “Do ya think he’ll call me?”

 

“Mmm…” Oikawa fake concentrated. “Yes. But not because he likes you, you know? Probably because he’s so clueless on how to help his cat.”

 

The two laughed.

 

“That’s really funny, ‘cause he told me he has 3 other cats. Like how can you have 4 cats and not know one of ‘em is preggo?” Kuroo snorted. “He must be an idiot.”

 

Despite what he said being an insult, Oikawa could immediately sense the fondness. Or, since it was Kuroo, the _I-want-to-annoy-them-forever_ type of fondness. He grinned a Cheshire cat (ha!) grin before making a ‘whipping’ sound an emotion.

 

“Oh shut up, Oikawa. So what I think he’s cute? When was the last time you actually liked someone? All I see you do anymore is flirt and get laid. Come on. Where’s the romance? Where’s the flowers and kisses and dates?” They stared at each other for a couple seconds before bursting out laughing again.

 

“Ooooohhh man, you’re far gone already, dude. It was like, a half hour, and now you’re acting like a kid in a cheesy romance movie. Pretty sure he doesn’t like you anyway, he totally called you annoying.”

 

Kuroo waved his hand in the air dismissively. “Doesn’t matter. He’ll fall for my charm, just like you did.”

 

Oikawa snorted. “Right. Because it’s not like I’m straight or anything. The only reason I work here is because the pay’s good and I hardly have to do anything. Plus, I get to comfort pretty girls who are sad ‘cause their dog is sick.”

 

“You’re such an ass.”

 

“So are you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Back in the safety of his apartment, Kenma put Sugar in his bedroom with plenty of food and water, and shut the door. He glanced at the clock, 8pm… _I’m not tired, but there’s not really anything to do…_

 

Kenma decided he’d pay Shouyou a visit -- he could use some cheerfulness.  Plus, he was hungry, and Shouyou always, always had food. Before he left, he checked the food -- refilled the food bowl, and dumped the water and filled the water bowl up with clean water. He pet Lynn, Clyde, and Colin before escaping his little Cat Heaven.

 

Looking around nervously, Kenma knocked at door 503. It was really weird. Kenma lived in 501, and befriended Shouyou in 503, but he still felt so awkward passing by Kageyama in 502, like the dark haired man knew whenever Kenma was walking by. So when Shouyou opened the door, he fled the dark hallway and into Shouyou’s sunny apartment. How it was sunny at 8:10pm, he didn’t know.

 

But it was Shouyou, so of course everything was sunshine-y.

 

“Ooooh, Kenma. What a surprise, who knew you would talk to me first?” Shouyou said, bouncing on his feet, full of energy.

 

“Mm, Shouyou, I had a really really weird day. Can we play some video games or something to get my mind off it?” Kenma asked, rubbing the back of his neck. Usually he didn’t ask -- it was offered. This day was just all around weird. And unnatural. Yeah. Don’t forget unnatural. Stupid vet.

 

And so, Shouyou and Kenma played video games. He was no match for the famous video game developer seeing as he actually made these games. A few battles and several deaths later, the orange-head huffed and fell back onto the couch.

 

“Uncle, I give, I give. You win,” he frowned, “like always.”

 

Kenma stretched -- a stretch that looked awfully like a cat. Learned from experience, apparently. He got up, shuffling to the kitchen and grabbing everything edible before sitting down again. He stuffed a couple chips in his mouth, before remembering why he actually came. “Ahh, Shouyou. Sugar is pregnant.”

 

“OOH!! Is she really? That’s great! I wonder which one of your silly little kitties got her pregnant. Cause, you know, she’s an indoor cat -- I haven’t seen her outside, once! I bet it was Clyde. He likes to cause trouble and I’m pretty sure that Lynn and Colin are like, soulmates, anyway.”

 

Kenma smiled. Lynn and Colin, soulmates, huh? It was a possibility.

 

“Honestly, I have no idea.” Kenma murmured, responding to who the father could be. “It doesn’t matter. She’s pregnant. She’ll have kittens. The end. Except not the end because I can’t have any more cats… Four is already a hand full.“

 

Leaning back, Shouyou crossed his arms. He was thinking -- probably the first time in a while, as the room suddenly smelled like something was burning. “That’s true. You already have 4 cats. Ah… Maybe I could take one? But you can’t tell anyone, alright?! I’ll take one, cause your cats are always the nicest and therefore mine could see its mommy!”

 

Kenma looked confused, before breaking into his once-in-a-blue-moon smile. “That would be wonderful. Thank you. But are you sure you want to break the no-animals rule? And what about Kageyama?”

 

“Ah-ha! Well! I’ve always been a rule breaker, you see,” Shouyou laughed, unsurprisingly proud of himself. “And, actually, Kageyama likes cats as well. He just doesn’t like you, cause, uh, well…” He rubbed his arm nervously. “Well. We’re together. Okay. Me and him. Like, boyfriend and boyfriend, you know?”

 

Kenma nodded.

 

“Yeah, well, he has a big possessive streak. He doesn’t like you cause we hang out so much and he’s super jealous, which is actually kinda cute, but you know, at the same time, rude, cause, you’re my friend, and .. and -- “ Shouyou gasped for air, as he was talking way too quickly. He took a deep breath. “Yeah. He’s jealous. He thinks you’ll take me away from him, or something. He thinks you’re gay, which doesn’t make sense cause you’re totally obviously not!”

 

“Uh. Shouyou?”

 

Shouyou looked over at him and cocked his head. He looked so cute, kinda like a puppy. _Don’t say stuff like that, Kenma! That’s why Kageyama doesn’t like you. He can tell you have a crush on Shouyou!_

 

“Ah. About that. I actually _am_ gay.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“So… Then, do you actually like me? Like he said?” Shouyou asked, his lip quivering. He looked sad. Probably because he thought he broke Kenma’s heart when he started dating Kageyama. Something both kind and ridiculous like that.

 

“Should I be honest or say what you wanna hear?”

 

“Uh. Honest?” Shouyou said, though he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it.

 

“Mm, yeah, I have a crush on you. But don’t worry, I think you two look good together, even if Kageyama doesn’t like me. And…” Kenma trailed off, not sure if he should even admit this to Shouyou -- because that would mean admitting it to himself.

 

“Yeah?” Shouyou pressed on.

 

“There’s kinda, uh, someone else. I really don’t like him, at all, but he’s kind of hard to ignore. I only met him today, it’s ridiculous; I feel like I’m in a romantic comedy.” His lips quirked into a small smile, before continuing his half-explanation, half-rant. “Maybe since he was the one that told me Sugar would be fine, he took advantage of my vulnerability and that’s why I keep thinking about him. That’s a psychology thing, right?”

 

Shouyou looked at him strangely. “... Sure.”

 

Though the words that had been said sounded like insults, Shouyou knew his friend well enough to know that it wasn’t the case at all. He also knew that Kenma got along well with people that put effort into a friendship or relationship. As long as he was happy, it didn’t really matter to him.

 

“Sugar likes him, and right now, that’s all that matters.”

 

 


	2. Character Development

Kenma fiddled with the napkin with the phone number written on it. He was walking to work from the parking garage a block or two away, and he couldn’t decide if he should throw the napkin away or not. Scowling, he stopped and stepped aside so people could walk without interruption. Giving up, he fished his phone out of his pocket and entered the number: Kuroo’s number.

 

The contact name was appropriately written as the idiot vet.

 

Smirking to himself, Kenma put his phone away. As a last act of defiance, he blew his nose into the napkin and threw it away. But he really knew it wasn’t defiance -- after all, the number was safely stored in his phone anyway. Looking up, he continued his and got to the stairs up to the offices of Kozume Games. What awaited him inside the rotating doors was someone Kenma wasn’t entirely surprised to see.

 

_You have got to be kidding me right now_ , he groaned. Irritated, he stomped through the building’s lobby to the couch where a certain someone was lounged. He ground his teeth, attempting polite conversation. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Is that a good way to address someone who saved your cat?” The idiot vet himself said, eyebrow quirked.

 

“She’s pregnant. Not dying. _You know, like you told me?_ ”

 

Kuroo just laughed, a hearty, definitely annoying  laugh. He jumped off the red couch, landing swiftly on his feet, and without missing a beat, strolled over to Kenma. “Hey, Mr. Big Shot Gamer, show me around your office, yeah~?”

 

“No thanks. Going back to my original question… _what are you doing here_?” Kenma retorted, unamused by Kuroo. He paused for a second, before remembering something. “Actually, forget that. How did you even _know_ I worked here?”

 

Kuroo looked at the other man in confusion, like the answer was extremely obvious. It kind of was.

 

“You’re joking, right? Literally everyone knows or has heard of Kozume Games. You’re Kenma Kozume. Of course I’m gonna know where you work! Plus, adding a quick google maps search to find the location really wasn’t that difficult.” Kuroo smirked, tilting his head. His hair flopped over a bit, distracting Kenma. “Shouldn’t you know that? Computers are pretty useful, Mr. Big Shot Gamer.”

 

“... You’re annoying.”

 

“Back to that, huh? Let’s go up to your office~! I bet you have a secretary and a huge office with a twirly chair! Maybe even an office overlooking the city!” Kuroo pleaded, vaguely reminding Kenma of an over-excited puppy.

 

He rubbed his temples in response, and decided it wasn’t worth arguing. He sighed. “Fine. But you leave after you see the office, okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, okay whatever! Let’s gooooo!”

 

It was gonna be a long day.

 

* * *

 

 

Kuroo was plain and simple fascinated by Kenma’s office.

 

_Yes_ , he had a secretary, _yes,_ he had a twirly desk chair and -- _yes_ \-- Kenma had an office overlooking the city. He didn’t understand why the vet was so fascinated -- it was just an office. There wasn’t anything special in it, a couple tables and couches, a tv and gaming devices. Nothing of extreme interest.

 

_But I suppose Kuroo is the type of person that finds every little thing absolutely amazing,_ Kenma thought to himself. He smiled a little bit at how childishly happy the other man looked right now. But seriously, he needed to get to work -- he had a bunch of games to try out and develop for the upcoming winter.

 

“Kuroo. You need to leave now.”

 

No answer.

 

“Kuroo,” he repeated, louder this time.

 

No answer. Kenma’s face twitched.

 

“Paging doctor douchebag,” he said loudly, hoping third time’s the charm. Success. Kuroo turned around with a big grin on his face. Somehow, even Kuroo’s smiles still managed to have a tad bit of smug in them. _But that’s just how he is, I guess._

 

“Aww, come on Kenma, I was just admiring your nice office! No need to be an ass.”

 

“That’s rich, coming from you. Did you know? Your contact name in my phone is the idiot vet.” Kenma replied, all bark but no bite. Which was kinda funny, cause he was a cat person, but whatever.

 

Again, Kuroo burst into that lovely, handsome, _(what? no!)_ ugly, annoying smile. Whoop-de-doo, even jerks can smile. It’s not like the smile made Kenma’s heart race or anything, right? Kuroo cocked his head, the smugness of the smile showing more this time. “Ohohoh, you actually put my number in your phone? How sweet! Give me your number!”

 

Despite fighting an inner war, Kenma managed to shove the turmoil away in return for a snarky reply. “Yeah, and then I blew my nose in the napkin and threw it away.”

 

The other man stared at him. All of a sudden, he bust out into loud laughter. He fake-wiped a tear away. “Oh man, that was gold. I definitely like you. You’re interesting.”

 

_What?_

 

Kenma didn’t know exactly what expression he was making, but he knew it was definitely one he didn’t make very often. The compliment and confession threw him off guard. People usually thought he was boring and unexciting, but here he was, a guy he had just met calling him interesting. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

 

“... ma? Kenma?”

 

“Huh?” He replied not-so-gracefully, too busy talking to himself. “What?”

 

“I was just wondering if you were okay. Your face twisted in pain for a sec.” For some reason, Kuroo actually seemed concerned. “If you’re worried about Sugar, everything will be okay. Cause I’m her doctor of course!”

 

He laughed again, full of obnoxious arrogance that was somehow comforting. Sometimes unwavering confidence that everything would turn out alright was exactly was Kenma needed.

 

“Ah. Yeah, it’ll be… okay… I guess,” he murmured quietly. Deciding he didn’t _totally_ hate the idea of Kuroo being around a lot, he held out his hand. There wasn’t a dull moment with him, that’s for sure. “Okay, give me your phone.”

 

Kuroo complied, without a trace of hesitation. Quickly, he put his number in and wrote his contact name as Kenma.

 

“Oooh, thanks dude! Now I can bug you nonstop!”

 

“At least you admit you’re bugging me,” Kenma said, a ghost of a smile on his lips. Of course, this didn’t go unnoticed by Kuroo.

 

“You know, even though you’re super cute as you are, I bet you’d be even CUTER if you smiled!” Kuroo said, ruffling Kenma’s hair.

 

Swatting the hands away from his head, Kenma grumbled something about _don’t touch me_ and _I need to get to work_. When nothing changed, he sighed and turned to face his secretary, exasperated.

 

“Time to go! AONE! Please escort this idiot -- I mean, Dr. Kuroo out. He is interfering with my work.”

 

On cue, a tall, muscular man walked into Kenma’s office. Without saying a word, he ushered Kuroo out. Even with a huge bodyguard-like secretary guiding him to the door, Kuroo was undeterred. Nothing could match his determination when he wanted to be obnoxious. Throwing a look over his shoulder, he winked at Kenma, who pretended not to see. “See you, Kenma! Miss me lots, ‘kay?”

 

“... No.”

 

* * *

 

 

_[To: me_

_From: the idiot vet_

_Received at 9:34am_

_heeey! :) :)  testing testing! i hope this really is your number b/c i totally wouldn't put it past you to give me a number to a pizza place or something. oh well, here i am.]_

_[To: the idiot vet_

_From: me_

_Sent at 9:34am_

_you literally just left. I have work to do, so leave me alone before I regret not actually giving you the pizza place’s number.]_

_[To: me_

_From: the idiot vet_

_Received at 9:37am_

_for someone who has a lot to do, you sure replied quickly!~ okay, okay, ill leave you to work. just because you asked so nicely.]_

 

Kenma paused, debating whether or not to reply with something; a bye or a thanks. If he did, it’d be the proper thing to do, but it would also open up for a reply from Kuroo as well. _Don’t overthink it. Are you seriously debating whether or not to reply?_ Kenma frowned, realizing his inner voice was right; he wouldn’t over think it.

 

Stretching, like a cat again, he put down his phone and began his work for the day. Despite what he said, Kenma didn’t really have all that much to do. Sure, check out a few games and fix their bugs, maybe even work on the game he’s been developing, but that’s not much. All the dirty work gets done by his workers, since Kenma had proved himself, rising to his position he has now.

 

Though Kenma was only 26, he was an extremely famous video game developer, along the lines of C.E.O.. Throughout his teenage years, he spent nearly all his time playing games and figuring out how to get past a certain level. He developed an interest in making the games, ones that had never been thought of before: he was full of ideas for games. During high school, he learned how to use html language easily and swiftly, first making his own website and went up from there.

 

Not only that, but Kenma was extremely smart -- he skipped the 11th grade, starting university as he turned 17.  Ignoring everyone around him and focusing on his game developing, he got through college with high marks and a great understanding of games.

 

This isolation made his social abilities suffer, and ended up going through some bullying as well. For years, people had been telling him what he could and couldn’t do. It took a toll on him. If he hadn’t already had self esteem issues and anxiety in high school, he definitely would have gotten it from university.

 

Of course, it wasn’t all bad.

 

He started a small game of his own, and was picked up by a starting company that saw his potential, right after graduating at 23. A full four years of undergrad with required subjects, and two great years dedicated to his game developing. The company that picked him up was run by an old man, and twenty months and several popular games later, Kenma took over the old man’s position.

 

Kenma was brought out of his thoughts and reminiscing with an annoying ding! from his phone. Another text from Kuroo. Grumbling, he quickly opened the text -- he wasn’t excited or anything -- and frowned at the contents. He didn’t know it then, but it would be the first of many times that Kuroo would read his mind.

 

_[To: me_

_From: the idiot vet_

_Received at 10:11am_

_hey, i just thought of s/t. you dont like your last name being know, right? b/c they’ll know you run Kozume Games. (haha, look how popular you are, my phone corrected it to be capitalized!!!) why is the company Kozume Games? wouldnt it have been easier for it to be a generic name?]_

_Kenma spent a good fifteen minutes deciding what exactly to tell him. The truth? Or some bullshit? A bit of both? How to phrase it? Eventually, he typed a quick sentence that was vague, but true enough to get the question answered._

_[To: the idiot vet_

_From: me_

_Sent at 10:21am_

_the guy who hired me liked my name, and called me kozume.]_

 

_[To: me_

_From: the idiot vet_

_Received at 10:21am_

_that’s not all of it.]_

_[To: the idiot vet_

_From: me_

_Sent at 10:22am_

_what?]_

_[To: me_

_From: the idiot vet_

_Received at 10:22am_

_you answered 11 mins late. something’s up.]_

 

_[To: the idiot vet_

_From: me_

_Sent at 10:23am_

_I don’t always look at my phone.]_

_[To: me_

_From: the idiot vet_

_Received at 10:24am_

_ya you do, lol. you dont have to tell me if you don’t feel comfortable, but was i at least right in assuming that there’s something else?]_

Kenma knitted his eyebrows together. It bothered him how quickly Kuroo had figured him out -- they had met the day before! Was he really that easy to decipher? Isn’t 11 minutes a reasonable time for a response? Those weren’t the only things that bothered him: it was whether or not to tell Kuroo. It wasn’t like the real explanation was terrible or anything, but it was still something that affected Kenma.

 

He supposed that it couldn’t be too bad -- if all else failed, he could get a restraining order. Plus… Kuroo, though extremely smug and obnoxious, still seemed like a person that wouldn’t make fun of someone. It was weird how contradicting it was, but that’s the general gut feeling Kenma got from him. He hadn’t ever told anyone the whole story, maybe he would feel better if he got it off his chest.

 

There were many reasons he could have used to explain why he told a virtual stranger his life story, but in all honesty, he didn’t really know. All the reasons were true, but he found himself drawn to Kuroo. He felt like he had known this guy for way longer than a few days. And so, hee found himself typing one of the longest texts he’s ever sent to anyone.

 

_[To: the idiot vet_

_From: me_

_Sent at 10:31am_

_well… the guy hired me a bit after I graduated college. he saw my potential when everyone else didn’t. I was scared I wouldn’t even get a job, but he hired me. I was 23. he was in his 60s._

_it was a small company, at first, he brought me up, and believed in me. he called me Kozume and acted like the father I never had. he made me like my last name, myself, again. growing up, my dad was known as that one dad, the one who never cared about his kids. you know, the drunk one. my mom stayed with us until i was old enough to go to high school, and then left. her excuse was that she never wanted to be a Kozume._

_so… yeah. the entire neighborhood knew, and I got picked on as well. it sucked. anyways..._

_a year and a half later after he hired me, a game I made got really popular, so did the company. a while after that, I took his position with his guidance and permission. he still watched over me, so I didn’t change the name… but a couple months ago, he died._

_it was really difficult. it still is. I couldn’t stand working at the company that was still his. I don’t know why, I just didn’t like it. I changed the name, but I kept it related to him. I was indebted to him._

_it sounds dumb, but there you go, lol.]_

 

Kenma took a deep breath, re-read his text for spelling errors and typos. For good measure, he added an _lol_ to somehow make it seem less dark. He knew Kuroo would probably be freaked out by everything he had sent, and how much of it. It didn’t really matter at that point, it just felt good to tell someone the entire story.

 

Sent.

 

Out of curiosity, and maybe a little bit of dread, he re-read his text. He was slightly amused that it had to be sent in two different text messages. A mere minute later, he got a response he wasn’t sure he would get.

 

_[To: me_

_From: the idiot vet_

_Received at 10:32am_

_damn that’s a backstory for the history books, lol. but seriously, that doesn’t sound dumb. i’m really sorry about your loss, even though i know it doesn’t help at all._

_thanks for sharing with me, although you probably didn’t want to. its probably the most you’ve ever texted at once, huh?]_

_[To: the idiot vet_

_From: me_

_Sent at 10:33am_

_how do you even know all this stuff about me? we’ve known each other like, two days.]_

_[To: me_

_From: the idiot vet_

_Received at 10:35am_

_b/c i want to know even more. holy shit that was cheesy, lol. you’re interesting, what’s wrong with wanting to know more? that backstory was pretty badass, and besides, what type of person has 4 cats and doesn’t realize one of them is pregnant?_

_theres much more to learn!!]_

_[To: the idiot vet_

_From: me_

_Sent at 10:36am_

_shut up.]_

 

_[To: me_

_From: the idiot vet_

_Received at 10:37am_

_i didn’t even say anything! we’re texting! hahaha]_

_[To: the idiot vet_

_From: me_

_Sent at 10:37am_

_you’re not even funny.]_

_[To: me_

_From: the idiot vet_

_Received at 10:39am_

_i’ll have you know, i think i’m hilarious.]_

 

Kenma caught himself smiling at his phone. Avoiding the urge to reply with something sarcastic, he put his phone face down on the table and actually tried to get some work finished. It worked for a little bit, but he found himself glancing at the phone periodically, almost like he was hoping for another text.

 

He wasn’t. He definitely wasn’t hoping for another text. There was no way Kenma would allow Kuroo, a guy he had just met, take time away from his games. Especially the guy with a bird nest for hair, the one with a terrible, corny sense of humor.

  
Who was he kidding? He was definitely waiting for another text.


	3. Survive The Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, just a heads up: this chapter might be triggering to some of you. It includes depressing thoughts, self esteem issues, and a few mentions of self harm. It’s not that bad, in my opinion, but you should know just in case.

 

Oikawa sat at the reception desk, clearly bored. He tapped at his phone for a bit, glancing around the waiting room. Still no one. But he supposed that was a good thing, since Kuroo was away for a bit anyway. He had said something about visiting that cutie who didn’t know his cat was pregnant.

 

He snorted. Why would Kuroo even bother with that? It’s so much easier to just hook up and have it over with, what’s the big deal with romance and stuff? Clearly, Kuroo was crazy. He checked his phone again. Still nothing interesting; his tumblr dash was dead, facebook as well. He could send some snapchats, but he wasn’t feeling it then, even if the world deserved to see his beautiful face. The clock said 9:21am, ticking and tocking away.

 

“Oh my god, I’m so bored,” he announced loudly to the lobby he thought was empty.

 

“That’s great. Relieve your boredom and help my damn dog,” an annoyed voice came from Oikawa’s left. Apparently he had snuck in while looking at his phone.

 

_But why didn’t the door ding? And why was that dog so damn silent?_

 

“Uh, did the door do the ding! thing cause I didn’t hear you come in,” Oikawa half questioned half commented, still slightly confused. The confusion was soon pushed away and his boisterous self came back. “Anyhoo! How can I help you and your dog today?” he said with a laugh as he looked up at the guy.

 

Damn. Damn damn damn.

 

The ( _really really_ ) hot guy strolled up to the desk, yanking lightly on the leash. The huge great dane reluctantly moved forward, but ultimately obeyed his owner. “Uh, yeah. My name is Iwaizumi and Jordan here has been acting weird.”

 

Oh man. Oh man.

 

Iwaizumi’s voice was deep and manly, and the great dane just added to the manly image, yet still adding a cute, respectful aspect because he cared enough to bring Jordan to the vet. Oikawa was screwed the second he had walked in.

 

And he had told Kuroo he was straight. Ha.

 

“What’s her symptoms? Hopefully she’s not pregnant, I already had a guy come in all upset cause he didn’t know the cat was pregnant!” Oikawa laughed, trying to go back to his charismatic self. But mostly, he was trying to get over how attractive the guy in front of him was.

 

Did he only find Iwaizumi attractive? Was is an aesthetic type thing, where there was no attraction, but appreciated the beauty? Oikawa had no clue.

 

“Well actually it’s not so much weird, but she’s itching a lot. I’m pretty sure it’s just fleas so do you have any of that flea-be-gone or whatever stuff?” Iwaizumi requested.

 

“Yeah, of course! Thank goodness it’s only that, the main vet here is out pining for a cute guy,” he replied, laughing again lightly. Ignoring the weird look from the customer, Oikawa got up and got the flea powder and handed it to Iwaizumi.

 

“Thanks. How much do I owe you?” he asked with a smooth voice, visibly relaxed that the vet’s place had the flea stuff.

 

Before Oikawa could even think, he blurted out, “your phone number!”

 

Smooth.

 

He really, really, didn’t mean to say that. Like, he’s straight. Right?

 

Iwazumi cocked his head at Oikawa, and his lips quirked into a slight smile -- but if you asked him, he would totally say he didn’t smile. Nope. “Okay, I guess.”

 

Nope nope nope, Oikawa is definitely not straight. At least when it comes to the handsome man with a gorgeous smile, soft eyes and an adorable dog standing in front of him, holding a piece of paper with his phone number and name written in his handwriting.

 

How his handwriting made him even more attractive, Oikawa didn’t know. The one thing he did know, however, is that he is completely and utterly screwed, not to mention when Kuroo finds out.

 

* * *

 

 

Kenma cracked his neck side to side as he waited for the elevator to bring him to the fifth floor. He was eager to sprawl out on the couch and relax for the rest of the night. He didn’t have an exhausting day at work, exactly, but he was still tired. Being social is hard. Being social meant having emotions.

 

Emotions are Kenma’s worst nightmare. Despite his cool and indifference aura, he knew he was emotional person, more so than the average person. He could feel extremely sad or angry, for no reason, so he’s learned to ignore it and push it away.

 

Sadness is the worst of all; the giant black hole that sucks everything away from him. Kenma knows there are things to be happy for, and that he is happy for; he realizes this. But that never helps the sadness -- it’s not something he can just get over. Everything is dark around him, and he feels hopeless. It’s worse at night -- the darkness is natural, and the bed holds every emotion he has.

 

A fews years ago, in college, he had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It had made sense, and there was a little bit of relief that there was a reason he felt that way. Of course, he couldn’t help but feel bitter, like, _great, I’ve been diagnosed. Now what?_

He had been prescribed medicine, and it took the edge off, but it never fully went away. Even at the beginning, he knew that what he felt wouldn’t be cured with the snap of someone’s fingers. The least he could do was begin to understand it. He’d live with it his entire life, and emotions were always lurking in the back of his mind, ready to take over on a split second’s notice.

 

There were bad days, and he felt one coming.

 

He could feel the black hole coming. He doesn’t know why he knows, but he knows it was gonna be a bad night. Kenma’s prediction starts immediately when he gets off the elevator -- Kageyama was there, waiting for him.

 

Kageyama noticed the elevator opening, Kenma stepping out. He stalked over to Kenma, glaring down at him, obviously upset. “I knew you liked him.”

 

Kenma couldn’t do anything or react. He wasn’t even sure what was going on except he knew he felt uncomfortable. Looking down, he mumbled, “What?”

 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about!” Kageyama snarled, looming ever so tall above Kenma. “He’s mine! Not yours!”

 

“Wh...” Kenma trailed off, extremely uneasy. He could feel nausea come up from his stomach, and a black hole spread throughout his body. His mind was screaming at him to get into the safety of his apartment, and he barely registered the sound of a door opening.

 

“TOBIO! What the hell are you doing?” a light voice screeched, coming towards the pair. Whatever god there is must be watching over Kenma as Hinata stomped over to Kageyama and glared. “Don’t yell at Kenma! He wouldn’t do anything! JUST LOOK AT HIM! You’re scaring the shit out of him!”

 

Glancing back at Kenma, Kageyama shrunk back and grumbled a quick, “whatever.” Hinata gave Kenma and apologetic glance at he pushed Kageyama back into his apartment. Then, he turned around and walked back to Kenma.

 

“Be safe, okay? If you need me, I’m here,” Hinata whispered as he hugged Kenma tightly.

 

“What?” Kenma was extremely confused. How did he know?

 

“I don’t know. Just a feeling.”

 

Kenma shakily went to his apartment, and opened the door to a hysteria of meows. _I guess they can tell, too, huh?_ he thought to himself. He shut the door and shuffled over to the couch, flopping down on it. Even though it was only 6:30pm, he felt like it was 10.

 

After a while, he forced himself to get up and be productive. First, he filled up the water and food dish, checking Sugar’s separate food and water in his bedroom as well. Though he didn’t want to, he cleaned the kitty litter boxes, spraying Febreeze to get rid of the smell. He made sure to give everyone a lot of attention, and they calmed down a little bit, which in turn helped him relax just the slightest amount.

 

Wiping his hands on his jeans to get rid of the sticky cat hair, he went to the fridge and stared in it. Nothing. Well, nothing he wanted. Whenever he got like this, he was extremely picky about what he wanted to eat. He wasn’t even sure he wanted something to eat, either. Kenma didn’t want to make anything and there wasn’t anything instant. Settling for a small bag of chips, he went back into the living room and sat down. Now it was 7:20pm, and both the natural and the emotional darkness were slowly building.

 

Kenma tried all the coping skills he learned in therapy over the past years -- taking a warm bath, writing, reading, watching tv, working on his games -- but none of it worked. It was one of those nights, where he’d just have to suffer through it. He realized this after he finished a huge bowl of ice cream and he didn’t feel better. Ice cream usually makes everything better.

 

Looking at his phone, the time read 10:21. He had two options -- try to go to bed and maybe fall asleep, or stay up all night avoiding the bad thoughts. Sighing, Kenma chose to attempt to go to bed. He had a big work meeting tomorrow.

 

He changed into an oversized t-shirt and some boxers, and climbed under the covers. At least the covers gave him some protection. He glanced at his phone lying on the bed next to him, charging. 10:24pm.

 

The more Kenma tried to sleep, the harder it became, and thoughts filled his head. He knew the thoughts weren’t true, or at least exaggerated, but that doesn’t make them any less hurtful. Even if his mind had come up with the insults, wasn’t that worse?

 

_“You’re boring._

_Stop staring at me, it’s creepy!_

_Why do you talk so quietly?_

_You stutter a lot, are you dumb?_

_You think you’re so cool because you skipped a grade._

_You’re unwanted._

_You’re ugly._

_Pathetic._

_You’re useless._

_Why are you even here?_

_Those scars look good on you._

_Go die.”_

 

The thoughts got progressively worse as time went on. Kenma squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to ignore the thoughts and voices that filled his head. He knew, he knew, _he knew_ they weren’t true, he knew, he knew, _he knew_ he shouldn’t believe any of it.

 

He knew.

 

But it was so hard. They still hurt, all the voices and insults. He can still hear them and see all the sneers. His thighs throbbed randomly, he felt like his cars would start bleeding again, and he could still feel the bruises that had faded long ago.

 

Eventually, the tears started. They fell down the side of his face, staining the pillow beneath him. It vaguely reminded him of when he wakes up and finds that he had been drooling. Despite everything, he could still feel a smile on his face. It was a weird feeling -- smiling, but crying at the same time.

 

Kenma tried to fight the bad thoughts, with everything good that ever happened to him, the people that he cared about. Especially Nekomata and everything he had done for him.

 

_“Wow, you’re so talented._

_Come work for me!_

_I’m here for you._

_You’re the son I never ever had, you know.”_

 

Then, he thought of Hinata, full of smiles and sunshine.

 

_“I’ll be here for you._

_Woooahh, you work for Kozume Games?!_

_I’m so jealous!_

_You’re so smart!_

_You’re my best friend.”_

 

And then, out of everyone, he found himself thinking about Kuroo. In the few days he had known him, Kuroo had managed to invade his mind and plant little compliments all over. If only Kenma could see himself through Kuroo’s eyes.

 

_“Oh man, I really like you._

_You’re interesting._

_You’re so cute!_

_Because I want to know even more.”_

 

By then, Kenma’s tears had subsided a little bit. His eyes were still wet, but tears weren’t falling anymore. When the silence of his apartment (why weren’t his cats making noises?), he decided he wanted to hear someone’s voice. He couldn’t call Nekomata for obvious reasons, and Hinata had Kageyama over…

 

Doing probably the most spontaneous thing he had ever done in his life, Kenma grabbed his phone and called Kuroo. It’s 11:02pm, he should still be up, right?

 

He answers in two rings.

 

“Kenma, is everything alright?”

 

Even though he did call Kuroo, he had no idea what to say. Anxiety overcoming him, he quickly mumbled, “Sorry, it was a bad idea after all.”

 

“Hey! No, wait! What’s up?” Kuroo protested before the call could be ended.

 

Kenma was silent, only small sniffles were heard.

 

Kuroo tried again. Long ago, he had heard that if someone was in distress, the best thing was to do was to ask what they could do. He figured it would be a better idea, instead of trying to get Kenma to tell him what’s wrong. Softly, he asked, “Is there anything I can do?”

 

“T-talk,” came Kenma’s voice, a slight crack in it from his throat being dry. Kuroo knew instantly he had been crying.

 

“Alright. Where should I start? Hmmmm, well, you know I’m a vet, and I have an assistant, Oikawa He says he doesn’t like guys, but it’s obvious he does. He’s bisexual, at the least. I love animals and I used to play volleyball…”

 

As Kuroo babbled on about nothing in particular, Kenma could feel the darkness dissipate slowly but surely. Drifting off to sleep, he couldn’t make out Kuroo’s words, but he still listened to his voice, and that’s all Kenma could really ask for.

 

* * *

 

 

“You look like shit.”

 

Giving Oikawa his best glare, Kuroo unlocked the door to the small vet clinic. It was a gorgeous early morning, the air was crisp and the birds were singing, but Kuroo felt like shit.

 

“Thanks, I know.”

 

“Seriously though, the bags under your eyes are bigger than the bags my mom carries around. What happened?” Oikawa asked, half out of curiosity and half because he actually did care. He wasn’t actually a shitty friend.

 

Well, he was, but you know, still a friend.

 

“I didn’t sleep very well last night,” Kuroo grumbled. He made his way to the counter, putting down his stuff behind the desk. Oikawa followed like a loyal puppy.

 

“Ahh? Why not? Did you hire a hooker again?” he snickered, lightening the mood.

 

“Surprisingly, no,” Kuroo smiled, but it was more like a grimace. “Hookers aren’t my thing, bro.”

 

“Missin’ out!” Oikawa sing-songed, twirling around in the clinic lobby.

 

“Yeah, okay. Do you remember that guy I said was really cute? The pregnant kitty guy?” He paused long enough for Oikawa to nod cautiously. “Well, last night at like midnight or something he called me. I don’t know what happened or what was wrong, but he had been crying, I could tell.”

 

Kuroo knew he had hooked Oikawa. His eyes were really wide, curious to know what happened. Oikawa paused, a hand on his cheek as he thought. “AH! You don’t think it had anything to do with his kitty, do you?”

 

“I don’t think so, but who knows? Anyway, he asked me to talk. So I talked. A lot. About random shit, for at least two hours,” Kuroo explained. He paused, enough to glare at Oikawa again as he giggled. “What’s so funny?”

 

Oikawa waved his hand in the air, his giggles subsiding. “Oh, nothing, it just sounds like you two are in a long distance relationship. How cute!”

 

“Shut the hell up, it’s too early for your squeals. It was weird though man, I just talked for hours without him saying anything, and eventually he fell asleep. So I hung up. And couldn’t fall asleep, I kept thinking about what was wrong and stuff.”

 

“Holy shit, you’re in deep, dude. You’re worrying about a guy you met a couple days ago,” Oikawa objected. “You’re not in some rom-com.”

 

“At least I have some romance,” Kuroo countered. “What’s up with your love life?”

 

Not three seconds after Kuroo said that, did the door open and Iwaizumi walk in. Of course, this time the doorbell jingled. That fact did not make Oikawa feel any better.

 

“You’re shitting me right now,” he wailed, punching Kuroo in the arm for no reason. “You jinx everything, asshole!”

 

Both Iwaizumi and Kuroo looked confused, before recovering quickly. Kuroo sprang into his professional vet-mode, asking, “Hi there! How can I help you?”

 

“Uhhhh… I was here yesterday. The guy hiding behind the desk helped me out, he gave me some flea-stuff for my dog,” Iwaizumi explained, rubbing his neck embarrassedly. “I kinda, uh, lost it. I don’t know how, but I did. So I came back to get more, if that’s okay.”

 

“Noooo! It’s not okay!” Oikawa squealed from behind the desk. “You didn’t call me, you meanie! Go away!”

 

“Do I even want to know?” Kuroo asked no one in particular. He didn’t get an answer, either.

 

“Here! Take this!” a slightly muffled voice yelled, and flea powder packets came flying from behind the reception desk. They missed Iwaizumi by about a foot.

 

“Your aim sucks,” he commented. “Thanks for the powder. Do I owe you money or should I call you this time instead?”

 

A head of soft hair popped up from the desk. Iwaizumi smiled. Too easy.

 

“Promise?”

 

“Yeah. I’ll put your number in my phone right now, okay? See? I’m doing it. So calm down.”

 

“Yay! Call me later!” he called out happily, finally coming out from behind the desk. Apparently, Oikawa springs back really, really quickly.

 

“Ah… Thanks for, uh, coming...” Kuroo trailed off as Iwaizumi left the vet as quickly as he came. He turned to Oikawa, half irritated, half smug. “Stop smiling so damn big, the sparkles around you are giving me a headache.”

 

“Sorry, not sorry, Kuroo. If you want, I’ll watch the lobby and you can sleep on the couch.”

 

“That would actually be nice. Thanks,” he mumbled, shuffling over to the couch in the corner. Sprawling out on the couch, quite like a cat, Kuroo pulled out his phone and stared at it. He couldn’t decide whether or not to text Kenma.

 

He should. To make sure he’s okay. Right. Yeah. Okay.

 

_[To: Kenma_

_From: me_

_Sent at 7:41am_

_hey, how are you doing??]_

 

There. Now Kuroo is a decent human being, not to mention it was a conversation starter. Unsurprisingly, the reply came immediately.

 

_[To: me_

_From: Kenma_

_Received at 7:43am_

_i’m okay.]_

 

Well… That’s helpful. Kuroo furrowed his eyebrows, determined not to let this conversation burn out. He wanted to know what had happened last night. Screw Oikawa, any good person would have been worried, right?

 

_[To: Kenma_

_From: me_

_Sent at 7:45am_

_do you wanna talk about it?]_

_[To: me_

_From: Kenma_

_Received at 7:45am_

_not right now.]_

_[To: Kenma_

_From: me_

_Sent at 7:47am_

_let’s meet up somewhere tonight. you can tell me about it then, and you can give me all the juicy details on how sugar’s doing!]_

 

Kuroo knew there weren’t any juicy details, but he needed an excuse for them to get together, besides wanting to know what was wrong. A few minutes went by, and it was obvious Kenma was hesitating. Fortunately, a reply did come.

 

_[To: me_

_From: Kenma_

_Received at 7:51am_

_i don’t know why i’m agreeing, but okay. at the sub shop by your clinic at 6.]_

_Little did they know, both of them were smiling. Kenma, with his cute, shy smile. Kuroo, with his know-it-all obnoxious type grin._

_[To: Kenma_

_From: me_

_Sent at 7:52am_

_see u then!!]_

  
Kuroo was in deep.


	4. Sappy Metaphors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this IS edited, but it'll probably be one of the shorter chapters that are edited. this is chapter 7, btw.

Kenma grimaced as his character died, yet again. At this point, he had lost track of how many times his character had died and he wasn’t able to pass the level. Usually he was really good at the game he was playing; it wasn’t that difficult or complicated: it was just a game on his phone. But for some reason, he was off his gaming-game today… and Kenma knew exactly why.

 

Exiting out of the app, he checked the top of his phone for the time. 5:45pm. Even though he had been a half hour early -- he got off work at 5 -- he was unnaturally nervous. Well, more nervous than he usually was. This type of anxiety he was feeling was the dreading type, as opposed to the self-conscious type.

 

He really, really, didn’t want to talk to anyone, but the universe has been against Kenma all day, and would probably continue to be. He couldn’t back out of this one.

 

That morning, he had somehow managed to get to work on time. Thank goodness, too, because Kenma had a really big meeting today and could definitely not be late for it. Kenma hates meetings with everything he has: they require him to talk to not only the people he didn’t know very well at his own company, but from other companies as well.

 

It went terrible.

 

Probably a side effect from the previous night, Kenma had reverted back to stuttering. It was embarrassing, stuttering in front of a bunch of higher ups in the gaming industry, yet the more Kenma tried not to, the more he actually ended up stuttering. Somehow, he wasn’t entirely sure how, but he made it through the meeting without crying or fainting.

 

That was just this morning, and everything went downhill from there.

 

It was like his entire company decided today was _Talk To Kenma Day_. People kept coming up, asking him questions about games that really could’ve been solved easily without his help, talking to him casually, and worst of all -- mentioning what the day was. Yeah, it was Friday, yeah it was November 17th, but what _really_ was the day?

 

The two month anniversary ( _why do people call things like that anniversaries?_ he wondered) of Nekomata’s death. Kenma knew what day it was, he understood what that meant -- he did not need reminders or condolences from people he could barely put a name to a face.  

 

So, when Kenma finally got out of work (he actually left at 4:45pm - screw everyone else), it was a fresh of breath air. Literally. The air inside the building was stuffy, and the air outside was clean, cold, and crisp, successfully calming him down as much as he could be.

 

He had driven slowly over to the clinic, parking two blocks away and walked into the sub shop. Seeing as it was a casual little cafe-esque place, Kenma went into the bathroom and changed out of his nice clothes and into something more comfy -- his favorite sweater and jeans. It was fall, the beginnings of a cold winter, after all, and he had always had a soft spot for sweaters. This one, especially. The sweater was black and a little bit too big for him which kept his butt warm, with a bright orange cat smack dab in the front. It actually suited him quite well.

 

Plus, it was long enough for Kenma to wipe his hands if they got too sweaty -- as they were right now. He again checked his phone. 5:52pm. Was it really necessary to be this nervous?

 

No. But it’s Kenma. He worries about everything.

 

Trying not to bring too much attention to himself, he got up and brought his cup back to the front. He asked for a second hot chocolate with a quiet voice and the barista smiled at him. Kenma decided then that he liked the barista; his smile was really refreshing and the guy was really cute, too with his grey hair and beauty mark. He gave off the _everything'll-be-alright-I-promise!_ vibe. It was comforting, in its own way.

 

“Thanks,” Kenma mumbled, exchanging the money he owed for the hot chocolate. The barista didn’t say anything, but smiled again and Kenma couldn’t help but look at the nametag: Sugawara Koushi.

 

The name sounded familiar, and it took him a second, but he finally remembered where he had heard the name before. No wonder. Sugawara was the guy Shouyou always said is super nice and “stuff.” Kenma thought about mentioning Shouyou as a polite conversation starter, but eventually decided against it, since that would mean talking to someone.

 

He shuffled back to his seat. The table was strategically chosen: in the corner, not to gather attention, but close enough to see the door easily and make a quick exit to the restroom, if needed. Kenma hoped it wouldn’t be needed.

 

Hearing the ding signaling that someone had entered the shop, Kenma looked to the door to see Kuroo walk in. He looked really good, he decided, with his pair of jeans, a plaid shirt and a nice jacket. His hair was still a big mess, but then again, when wasn’t Kuroo’s hair a mess? Kenma didn’t bother to wave to him, since Kuroo picked him out the second he had walked in.

 

Grabbing and paying for a bagel and drink, he sauntered over to Kenma’s table and flopped on the chair opposite. Kuroo put up his elbows on the table, his head cocked in his hands, and without skipping a beat said, “Yo.”

 

How a simple greeting like that could make Kenma nervous, he didn’t know, but it did. It really, really did.

 

“H-hi,” he stammered back, irritated with himself at continuing to stutter. He sighed, and with more determination,tried again: “Hi, Kuroo.”

 

Kuroo smiled, a real, genuine smile that made Kenma feel a bit more at peace. He ripped a part off his bagel and stuffed it in his mouth, and chewed, looking straight at Kenma. Kuroo’s eyes looked watchful, as if they were trying to figure out what he was thinking. They probably were, and they probably did, considering how Kuroo’s smile turned into a smirk.

 

Kenma knew he shouldn’t ask. But he did. “What?”

 

“Mmm… nothing, really. I was just thinking,” Kuroo commented offhandedly.

 

Don’t -- don’t do it, Kenma.

 

“About what?”

 

Damn it.

 

“You,” Kuroo laughed as Kenma rolled his eyes, “But seriously, I was trying to figure you out. Then, I realized you probably wouldn’t like that, so I decided to just ask you.”

 

Kenma just stared, taking a second to decide how to react. There wasn’t a correct choice, and he knew he was overthinking it. The throbbing in his temples wasn’t helping much, either. He sighed instead, leaning forward and putting a hand to his forehead. This headache was really killing him. Kuroo was killing him a little, too.

 

“Then, you did figure me out,” Kenma muttered, rubbing his temples. He didn’t understand why it was so easy for Kuroo to see right through him. Was he that transparent? Kuroo chuckled and took another bite of his bagel. To distract himself from his inner monologue, Kenma looked at the bagel and made a face.

 

“What?”

 

“Don’t you use cream cheese?” Kenma sighed, utterly disgusted.

 

“Should I?” Kuroo answered, this time with his mouth full. Kenma decided it wasn’t really worth it. Before they could talk about something else completely unnecessary, like he had hoped, Kuroo asked The Question: “What happened?”

 

For a second, Kenma didn’t know what he was talking about. Then, everything came rushing back and he understood that Kuroo was asking about the phone call from the previous night. Wonderful.

 

Suddenly wishing they actually did talk about unnecessary things, he looked away from Kuroo and stared hard into his hot chocolate. He cleared his throat, once, twice, and mumbled something incomprehensible. Kenma knew the other man didn’t hear him, but just in case, he looked at his face. Kuroo’s eyebrow was quirked in confusion. Of course.

 

“Nothing happened,” he eventually replied, the gears in his mind turning for an excuse. Kenma paused, thinking things through. Should he explain? Would Kuroo understand him? Kenma glanced up at the man sitting across from him, his eyes fixed with curiosity and maybe a bit of worry. It was Kuroo, of course he’d understand, he understood everything, whether Kenma liked it or not.

 

“Nothing happened, and that’s why it was bad,” Kenma clarified, staring at a spot on the table. Maybe if he stared hard enough, it’d catch on fire and he could avoid this conversation. Deep down, he knew there wasn’t anything forcing him to talk, so maybe somewhere inside, buried under years of depression and anxiety, he wanted to talk. To tell Kuroo everything.

 

His eyes flitted up to Kuroo again, noticing a slight frown on his face and tore his gaze away, again. Naturally, Kuroo would probably think it would be stupid to be sad for no reason. That’s what usually happened; Kenma would explain himself, and everyone would hightail it away from him.

 

Except for his therapist, of course, but they were being paid. They didn’t count.

 

“Being sad without a reason makes the sadness worse?” Kuroo questioned, although it sounded more like a statement. He was probably repeating it, to make sense of it. Kenma nodded in response. “So you needed to hear someone’s voice, right?” He nodded again. “That actually makes sense. I was worried something really terrible happened, or something.”

 

“Mm,” Kenma grunted in reply. He wasn’t sure what to say at this point, so instead he took a long sip of his drink. He knew drinking wouldn’t get him out of talking forever, but it worked for right now. Turns out, he didn’t need to reply at all.

 

“Hey, can I be really cheesy and dumb for a sec?” Kuroo requested, an impish grin on his face.

 

It probably wasn’t a great idea to agree to but Kenma always seemed to follow whatever Kuroo wanted. He nodded, although carefully. Kuroo’s eyes lit up, and he bit his lip before opening his mouth to speak. If Kenma hadn’t spent years observing other people, he wouldn’t have noticed the subtle difference in the color of Kuroo’s cheeks. They were tinged with pink. Maybe it was because it showed Kenma wasn’t the only awkward one, but for whatever reason, it made him feel just a bit better.

 

“I’m, uh, actually really glad that you called me. Yeah. I’m sure you thought it was a bother, and to be honest, it was, since I was asleep, but I much rather you bother me so I can help in any way,” he confided, an unexpected shy smile on his face. “So, please bother me all you want.”

 

And there it was, Kuroo’s slight half smile half smirk thing. There it was, and it was amazing. And then, as if all the world’s mysteries had been solved, Kenma understood why he called Kuroo and not Shouyou.

 

Shouyou was the sun. He lit up Kenma’s day, bringing the bright sunshine after a long, dark, lonely night. Kuroo was nowhere near being a sun. If anything, he was the dependable moon in the sky, illuminating the constant darkness just enough that it was possible to navigate through the nighttime.

 

Kuroo was the one he had needed: the illumination of the immediate darkness. Kenma hadn’t needed the sunshine after the dark had already dissipated on its own. Chuckling to himself, he couldn’t help but feel somewhat amused by his cliche metaphor, but he didn’t really care at the moment. The metaphor worked, and it made sense, everything else didn’t really matter.

 

Kenma glanced up at the man sitting across from him. Kuroo had his head resting in his hand, gazing at him fondly, watching with vague interest. He was probably wondering what Kenma was thinking, why he was smiling -- but it was obvious that Kuroo thought it was fine if he didn’t know, because he didn’t ask.

 

A slow smile spread across Kuroo’s face as well, and Kenma briefly wondered if he knew he was smiling like that. The smile was gentle, and Kenma wondered again, how many people had seen him smile like that? The expression was so minor that Kenma wondered, for a third time, did people even notice it?

 

Staring at Kuroo, a realization dawned on Kenma. The realization was so simple, but so groundbreaking, that even sitting in a small sandwich shop, eating food, drinking hot chocolate, anything seemingly mundane suddenly felt very surreal.

 

God damn it if it was cheesy, and god damn it if it was cliche, Kenma understood that he prefered the moon over the sun, any day, any night. After all, the sun was 92,960,000 miles away and could still leave Kenma sunburnt, but the moon cast a gentle glow over everything, making the dark seem not so… dark.

 

He might have loved the sun, but the moon is what he really needed.

 

 


	5. Not-so-Oblivious Protagonist

 

Kenma waved goodbye, watching as Kuroo slowly walked into the vet clinic. Apparently, Kuroo was in the middle of hiring -- he wanted to be able to make his clinic a 24 hour one, so if anyone had any emergency, the time wouldn’t matter. More employees would help in general, in case he ever got sick or needed to take a day off. Kenma thought it was a good idea, considering Sugar's labor wouldn’t exactly follow a nine-to-five work schedule.

 

There was one person inside the clinic, sitting in on the couch, legs crossed and looking bored, probably the new hire. He was tall and lanky, with smooth dark hair, the complete opposite of Kuroo. He looked wholly unimpressed, even when his new boss walked through the front door.

 

Kuroo had mentioned the guy's name once before, but Kenma had already forgotten. Something that started with an A…   _Akaashi,_ his brain supplied helpfully. Not that Kenma really needed to know, or cared.

 

Kuroo looked over his shoulder and gave him a mischievous grin, before sneezing twice. Kenma pretended not to notice and laughed instead at the ridiculous face Kuroo made while sneezing. Eventually, after a few minutes of watching the clinic, he scurried back to his car to drive back to his apartment.

 

On the drive home, Kenma decided that the time he spent with Kuroo really wasn't bad. Yeah, sure, Kuroo was really annoying and full of oxymorons, but it wasn’t terrible or anything. Even though Kenma didn’t feel one hundred percent comfortable with Kuroo, he was still the one person he felt most comfortable with. The exception being Shouyou, of course. Which was intriguing, considering they only met a few days ago. Kenma didn't really understand why Kuroo enjoyed talking to him, or being with him. Just another thing to add to the list of things he didn’t understand about his newest friend.

 

Then again, he didn't know why he liked Kuroo either, but he did. Eventually, after thinking about it for way too long (like, four minutes), Kenma credited all this weird stuff to life not making sense in general. Because really, when has life ever made sense for him?

 

Never, that’s when.

 

… But it’s not entirely unpleasant, this time.

 

The rest of the day went undisturbed, and surprisingly Friday did as well. Kenma had went to work, barely got anything done, played some games, and went home. Just like normal. He took care of his pets, watched the news, ate dinner, read a book. Now that he thought about it, his life wasn’t really that exciting.

 

Without thinking, Kenma took his phone and sent a quick text of ‘Hi’ to Kuroo. He cursed himself the second he realized he actually sent it. His phone said it was 8pm, so Kenma was sure that Kuroo would text back almost immediately. But, after a couple minutes of fiddling with apps on his phone, there wasn’t a reply. Frowning, he wondered why Kuroo hadn’t texted back. Then again, he reminded himself, he isn’t completely attached to electronics.

 

Kenma ignored the weird feeling he got in his chest. He wasn’t going to pretend he didn’t know what it was -- that was reserved for oblivious protagonists in romance movies and books, he was just going to ignore it, that’s all.

 

“ _Oh! What is this weird feeling I have? What… is this feeling?”_

 

He snorted to himself, earning a startled look from Clyde. Kenma shushed him, mumbling aloud that he was just thinking about something, not that his cat could understand. He wondered if cats could feel love. It was obvious that they felt lust, or the need to mate, or whatever… but love? Kenma concluded, scientifically, that they probably did feel something along the lines of love, but not what humans would consider love.

 

Glancing at his phone again, he found that he had been talking to himself about nothing for a good fifteen minutes. He shook his head, he really was boring, wasn’t he? Unlike before, he acknowledged that his life wasn’t boring, it was filled to the brim with people. Years ago, he never thought that he would have friends, much less a bunch of employees.

 

Suddenly, his phone made a ding! loudly, and Kenma let out a high-pitched squeak. He quickly picked it up and looked at it. He felt his stomach drop when it was only an email from his secretary. Then, he frowned when he realized he was disappointed. Hmph. He shouldn’t be disappointed! It was only Kuroo, and he probably was busy, or something. It’s not like it was required for to text Kenma back.

 

(Really, he wouldn’t… mind, if Kuroo texted back.)

 

Grumbling, he pushed everything out of his mind. He already knew he was crushing on the other guy, he wasn’t going to be stubborn and deny it. It was pretty sad though, considering it had been only a couple days, but what could he do?

 

He could play video games, and forget about it, that’s what he could do. And that’s what he did, until 11pm when he fed his cats again and went to bed. Without a text from Kuroo. He buried his face into the pillow and groaned.

 

“Why is everything obnoxious?” he asked no one in particular.

 

Colin and Lynn looked up at him simultaneously from their spots on the bed and meowed in response. Kenma couldn’t help but smile: at least his cats were always there. At last, he finally fell into a deep sleep. Unfortunately, he couldn’t exactly pick who he dreamed about.

 

* * *

 

 

Kenma woke up to Clyde pouncing on him to get up. Still half-asleep, he attempted to push his cat off of him, to no avail. It didn’t help when the other cats banded together to jump on him, either.

 

“Are you guys hungry?”

 

As if in response, Clyde meowed enthusiastically. Of course. Shoving him and the rest of the cats off of him, he grabbed his phone from the charger. The time said nine am, and Kenma couldn’t help but notice the lack of texts.

 

Subconsciously pouting, and maybe worrying a little bit too, Kenma made his way to the kitchen and fed all his cats, once again. He remembered to feed Sugar separately, so she could continue to eat enough for her kittens as well, feeling proud of himself. When Kenma stood in his kitchen, watching his cats eat, he felt a distinct feeling of not knowing what to do next. It was a Saturday, and he wasn’t required to work, but he didn’t know what he should be doing.

 

Out of everything he could be doing, he decided he would visit the vets -- for some medicine for Sugar, of course. She seemed to be aching a little bit, and he wasn’t sure what type of pain killers he could give her. He definitely wouldn’t go to see if Kuroo was there, definitely not.

 

Oh, who was he joking?

 

Taking a quick shower and getting ready for the day, he sighed, and half smiled to himself. It was funny how much one person could change someone. Life changed quickly, and when suddenly one of his cats was pregnant, so did he. Not that Kenma had changed, per se, but he felt like he did things differently. Before, he would avoid going out on Saturdays if he didn’t really need to.

 

He’d have to hit Kuroo for that.

 

Making sure all was well in his apartment, he opened his door slightly. Kenma peeked his head out the door, noticing with relief that there was no one in the hallway. He opened the door the rest of the way, and continued his quest of the day -- visit the vet office.

 

It kind of made it easier to do unusual stuff when he pretended he was a protagonist of a game. He kept that to himself, though.

 

Even before he was ever inside the clinic, he knew Kuroo wouldn’t be there. Kuroo was the main doctor, and if there weren’t any patients, then he would usually be in the lobby -- which he wasn’t. Sighing, Kenma braced himself to talk to the noisy receptionist instead.

 

Before he could even fully make it into the lobby, the receptionist -- what was his name again? -- had spotted him and squealed, waving him over.

 

“Oh my gosh! It’s the pregnant kitty guy that Kuroo totally thinks is cute!” he shrilled, jogging over to Kenma.

 

Kenma stiffened, unsure of what to do in such close proximity to -- he read the man’s crooked name tag -- Oikawa. He was vaguely aware he should at least say something. Stuttering, he mumbled a hello.

 

“Oh you’re just too cute!” Oikawa flashed a bright smile. Winking, he asked, “Are you here for your cat, or for Kuroo?”

 

“Um… both?”

 

Oikawa raised his eyebrow in curiosity, “Go on.”

 

“Sugar seems to be aching. And, uh, I wanted to make sure, um, that,” Kenma coughed, “Kuroo is okay. He didn’t answer my texts.”

 

Kenma, by now, had been blushing profusely. When he saw Oikawa grinning with a strange look in his eye, he took a step back. He had seen enough of the discovery channel to know that the look on Oikawa’s face was predatory, and that he had fallen into some sort of trap.

 

“I completely understand!” the receptionist said with glee. “He always answers his texts, so it must be frightening for him not to, right? WELL, you’re in luck, because I know exactly where he is!”

 

Oikawa paused for effect. He looked at Kenma who, although extremely anxious, looked curious. He smiled and continued.

 

“He’s at home, sick. He was okay yesterday morning but got sicker as the day went on,” he explained. He saw Kenma’s face scrunch up in confusion. Because Oikawa was such a great friend, he decided to help.

 

With a dramatic sigh, he continued talking.

 

“He probably forgot to charge his phone, or was sleeping. He was pretty delirious.” Oikawa paused again, letting this sink in. “I bet he’d love it if you visited him. He’s a sucker for being taken care of, like the big baby he really is.”

 

Kenma looked up at Oikawa, his eyes wide. “N-no, I don’t think -- “

 

“Nonsense!” Oikawa exclaimed. “I’m sure he’d love it. Here, let me call his home phone right now, I’ll tell him you’re coming over!”

 

“N-no, please don’t,” Kenma protested weakly, watching as the receptionist jogged away to look for the home phone number. If only Oikawa wouldn’t tell Kuroo directly, he could’ve lied and said he would go. Rubbing his temples, Kenma sighed in defeat. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do, and he did kind of want to see Kuroo.

 

Besides, that’s what friends do, right?

 

“Alrighty! I told him you’d be over in a half hour!” Oikawa announced, ripping Kenma out of his thoughts. He cringed, realizing exactly what this meant:

 

1\. He’d be going to Kuroo’s house.

2\. Alone.

3\. Kuroo would be sick; possibly delirious.

 

and, quite possibly, worst of all...

 

4\. Kenma would have to take care of him.

 

“U-um, I don’t know where he lives,” Kenma said, trying to talk his way out of the situation. Unfortunately, Oikawa wasn’t having any of it.

 

“Well, good thing I have a detailed map on how to get to his apartment, huh?”

 

Kenma couldn’t ignore the very obvious gleam in his eyes. Oikawa knew something, and damned if it wouldn’t screw Kenma over for the rest of his life. It seemed like trouble followed him everywhere now. There wasn’t really much he could do at this point, especially when this crazy person was staring so intently at him. He sighed, whimpering slightly.

 

“Do I have to go?”

 

“Well, yeah. I already told him you were gonna come,” Oikawa explained. Despite acting like he was stupid, he could be an evil genius when he wanted to. Kenma briefly wondered if anyone else had noticed, before the receptionist began to guilt-trip him even more: “You don’t wanna disappoint a sick person, do you? That would be mean!”

 

Kenma shuffled his feet slightly out of anxiety. He shook his head to appease the other man, although he just didn’t want to disappoint Kuroo in general. They were both silent for a little while, sizing each other up, before Oikawa smiled his celebrity actor smile, and shoved the map he had mentioned earlier into Kenma’s hands.

 

Having second thoughts, Kenma struggled and his eyes were wide in fright when Oikawa physically pushed him out of the clinic. He waved at Kenma, shouting, “Tell me how it goes!” with a wink. He blew Kenma a kiss, right as the automatic door slid closed. For a moment, he didn’t move, but under the close scrutiny of Kuroo’s friend, Kenma turned and left.

  
Oikawa giggled to himself; he really was a great friend, he deserved an award or something.


	6. The Beginning of Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have an angry!Kuroo, yay. Also, enter jerk!Kageyama. You all know I love him, but he fit for the antagonist. I obviously made him out of character on purpose, but anyway, here's the first time you see him really being an ass.

 

The next couple of weeks went without a hitch. Well, as much as it could, when Kuroo was factored in. Before Kuroo was thrust into his life, Kenma had a solid routine every day. On weekdays, he would go to work, come home and relax with his cats. Sometimes he would play video games, or read a book, but nothing very exciting. On weekends he would go grocery shopping, hang out with Shouyou and go for some walks. The weekend was still pretty much relaxation time, there wasn’t a rush to do anything incredibly exciting, or anything he looked forward to, really.

 

But with Kuroo?

 

Oh no, no. His life wasn’t relaxing anymore. It was still nice, but not calm. Definitely not calm. Kenma still had his routine, but Kuroo insisted on bothering him consistently. They had talked way too much the past few days. Kenma knew things he didn’t even want to know about Kuroo, the most random things like how Kuroo had a turtle when he was five years old, but it ran away. Even when Kuroo _wasn’t_ bothering him, it was the receptionist that kept helping him bother Kenma.

 

He wouldn’t forgive that jerk, Oikawa, ever.

 

When he actually arrived at Kuroo’s apartment, a couple of weeks ago when he was sick, Kenma had already gotten the majority of his grumbling out on the car ride. He really didn’t feel like taking care of a sick person, especially a sick Kuroo, but he was too nice of a person to refuse. Well, that, and he definitely didn’t like confrontation.

 

Really, now that he thought about it, it wasn’t as horrible as he was expecting. Though Kuroo was still Kuroo, he was much more subdued, almost easier to handle. He smiled slightly at the memory.

 

The second he had opened the door to the other’s apartment, and walked in to see the other man, Kuroo broke into a huge smile. And, of course, the first thing out of his mouth was: “You look cute today, Kenma.”

 

Seriously.

 

Other than that, being with Kuroo wasn’t that bad. Kenma was expecting to be hounded with teasing comments and obnoxious questions, but there was none. He just took care of Kuroo, feeding him soup getting him water and some medicine whenever needed. There was some small talk, some getting-to-know-you questions, and Kuroo dozed off a couple of times.

 

He learned Kuroo’s favorite color is yellow, his favorite food is grilled salted mackerel pike (ew), and yes, his hair is natural bedhead. The theory around his bedhead, according to Kuroo, is that he sleeps with his head squished between two pillows. Bizarre. Kenma also found out that he used to play volleyball as well, and they talked for a long time, discussing different games and reminiscing.  

 

Even the silence was nice. Usually, for Kenma, the silence that came with any conversation was awkward as he either shied away or frantically tried to find a new subject. With Kuroo, there was no awkwardness and no anxious waiting. It was a comfortable silence, they both knew they didn’t have to talk to enjoy the time. Kenma was extremely grateful for this.

 

In all honesty, Kenma was grateful for Kuroo in general. Not that he would ever tell him; Heaven knows what Kuroo would do if his ego was inflated even more.

 

Even after Kuroo got over his illness a couple days later, he continued to pester Kenma with texts. There wasn’t a day that went by without some exchange, mostly Kuroo asking questions and Kenma answering. Sometimes they would hang out together as well. To his surprise, Kuroo was actually excellent at video games. He even won the first game against Kenma, who scolded himself for letting his guard down, muttering, “Beginner’s luck.”

 

At last, a worthy opponent! A worthy ally as well, he soon came to realize.

 

Knocking on the door 501, Kuroo called out, “Kenma! I’m here!”

 

He waited a few moments, and heard a couple crashes from inside the door. He chuckled, Kenma must have tripped over Clyde again. Before Kenma could open the door, the apartment door opened and Kageyama decided to step out of his apartment. He cocked his head in mock-curiosity and his eyes narrowed in displeasure when he realized Kuroo was standing in front of Kenma’s door.

 

“Ah? Who’s this?” Kageyama drawled, taking in Kuroo’s rugged appearance. He laughed, and Kuroo had a terrible feeling. “Did Kenma hire a hooker?”

 

Kuroo frowned at Kageyama, dragging his eyes up and down as he sized the other man up. Kenma opened the door, stepping out into the harsh atmosphere. He looked around, wide eyed, stuttering, “Um, am I interrupting something?”

 

“No, Kenma, it’s fine. This jackass just thinks I’m a hooker. I must be that gorgeous, right? Oh well, I’m too expensive for him anyway,” Kuroo purred, smiling slyly at Kenma. For a split second, Kenma noticed his facade falter, rage filtering through his expression, before it went back to being mischievous.

 

“Pfft! As if I’d want someone like you,” Kageyama snorted, glaring at the two men. He paused, considering something, and said, “Don’t bother associating with Kenma, he’s a complete waste of space.”

 

Hurt flashed in Kenma’s eyes before he looked down, away from the argument. He really didn’t want to hear this right now. Noticing his friend’s obvious discomfort, Kuroo tensed angrily and took a step towards Kageyama, smirking.

 

“Ah, no. The waste of space would be you, sorry,” he smiled harshly. “Let me help. Shall I bash your face in?” Kuroo took another threatening step towards Kageyama, still smiling, still pissed off. “Less space taken up, after all.”

 

Kageyama scoffed, “As if you’d actually do that. Why are you even defending him? It’s not worth it.”

 

With that, Kuroo took the last few steps and with a swing of his fist, punched Kageyama in the jaw, who stumbled back and glared at both of them. Kenma gasped and covered his mouth, half amazed and half appalled.

 

“He’s worth it to me, asshole,” Kuroo spat, before jerking the door open and stalking towards Kenma’s apartment. He shook his hand to bring the feeling back into his knuckles and then gave Kageyama the middle finger. Turning back to Kenma, he gripped his arm tightly, pulling him into the apartment and growled, “Come on.”

 

Before Kenma could even thank him, Kuroo pulled him into a tight hug. He stroked Kenma’s hair and murmured, “Sorry you had to hear that. I’m also sorry a jerk like him lives next to you.”

 

Quickly, Kuroo kissed the top of Kenma’s head before looking away embarrassed. Kenma smiled shyly, looking up at him. Neither of them said anything, neither of them let go, they just enjoyed each other’s presence. Ruffling Kenma’s hair, Kuroo smiled down at him happily. He paused, debating whether or not to say anything.

 

“I really did mean that, you know,” he mumbled. Kenma stared at him, cocking his head as if asking ‘what?’ “That you’re worth it to me.”

 

Unsure of how to respond, Kenma mumbled something incoherently. He coughed and tried again, “Let’s play scrabble.”

 

Kuroo laughed. “Really? Scrabble?”

 

Kenma nodded.

 

“Okay! I’ll crush you!”

 

That wasn’t the only time Kuroo visited his apartment. He visited once more, a couple days later. He met Hinata and they liked each other well enough. Shouyou had the decency to wait until Kuroo left before winking at Kenma and squealing, “Well he’s really attractive! Tall, dark, and handsome, is your type huh? You guys are so cute together!”

 

Kenma knew he was screwed when they started going out together as well. His entire Saturday was taken up by Kuroo. They went to a movie, an amusement park, dinner, and the park. It almost felt like a date, but he knew better. Kuroo had mentioned ex-girlfriends once or twice before, and Kenma couldn’t help the gross twist in his stomach.

 

Even though he had liked everything they did together, Kenma had really enjoyed the park. It was nighttime and the street lights had turned on, and it wasn’t horribly cold. Snow was falling slowly and they were swinging on the swings together, humming a song that could be anything. It was childishly romantic, and Kenma loved it.

 

He had long given up denying that he was falling for Kuroo. He just denied telling the man himself, that’s it. Even if he was falling for him, he still felt like they could be best friends. There was just something about Kuroo that drew Kenma to him, something that made him feeling like they had known each other for ages. Maybe they were best friends in another life. Who knows. Kenma was fine with being just friends with Kuroo, but there was a part of him that wanted to be more.

 

All he could do was hope Kuroo liked guys, as well.

 

Looking down at the couch, Kenma forced himself back into the present as he petted Colin. He absent-mindedly picked a piece of cloth of the couch, flicking it off his finger. Honestly, he didn’t know why he kept thinking about this stuff. It was Thursday night, not _think-about-Kuroo-night._ Kenma wished he could escape everything that reminded him of Kuroo, but that was impossible. His freaking cats reminded him of Kuroo.

 

Sugar was starting to become restless, more than usual. He sighed. That probably meant she was due soon. He wondered how soon. Kuroo had said Sugar was 7 weeks pregnant, but that was at least two weeks ago, if not three. Kenma reminded himself that labor could begin from 9-10 weeks, meaning she could go into labor any second.

 

(Thanks, Google.)

 

Sugar could have her babies tomorrow, for all he knew. The second he realized he thought that, Kenma cursed himself. He probably just jinxed himself. Knowing his luck, he wouldn’t be surprised if Sugar went into labor, just because he said that. Leaning over his couch, he reached for his wooden side-table and knocked. Maybe that would work.

 

Sighing, he picked at the couch again, distractedly.

 

Suddenly, Kenma snorted. A thought had occurred to him: he had met Kuroo through his cat. What a way to meet someone. He briefly wondered if he was in some sort of romantic comedy, but quickly realized that he wasn’t even dating Kuroo.

 

Unfortunately. But Kuroo kept bothering him, even if they weren’t. That had to mean something, right? Kuroo talked to him whenever there was a chance to, and Kenma wouldn’t be surprised if Kuroo went out of his way to talk to him. There wasn’t any way to get rid of him, and even if there was, he probably would come back. Almost as if he was an itch that demanded to be scratched.

 

Kenma giggled to himself, proud of the pun he made: Kuroo was an itch Kenma can’t seem to scratch.

 

* * *

 

 

He knew he shouldn’t have said anything, damn it. He jinxed himself, and he knew it, even if he had knocked on wood. The universe really was against him. He briefly wondered what he did wrong to earn all this bad luck, but couldn’t think much about it when Sugar started howling again, pacing around the bedroom.

 

Sugar had been howling and pacing for a long time now, on and off. She’d also been seeming restless pretty much the entire night. Kenma had barely slept the previous, and currently, his anxiety was sky rocketing with a few hours of sleep at most in the last 36 hours. He knew that Sugar would be going into labor in the next few hours; he’d looked up cat pregnancy again, just to make sure. Honestly, he had no idea how many times he had fed her, either. How can one cat eat so damn much? He even had to run to the 7/Eleven down the street to get extra cat food, even if they were cheap 50 cent cans.

 

It wasn’t exactly that Kenma was nervous about the labor or kittens, but more about what’s leading up to it. Sugar seemed pained, she kept pacing around and howling. It hurt him to listen to her. He desperately wished that cat labor should just happen, nothing like this before it. That way, he wouldn’t have time to get wound up and start freaking out. Which he was currently doing. The waiting was actually the thing that was killing him.

 

Kenma fed her once more, and glanced at the clock. It was getting late, almost midnight. Although he should be entirely exhausted, he was wide awake from his anxiety. Plus, he had pretty much lived off coffee and caffeinated soda all day. Kenma had some chips and other snacks scattered throughout the day, he wasn’t able to focus enough to make himself a good meal.

 

Feeling jittery, he decided he shouldn’t have any more caffeine. He opened a kitchen cabinet and got a bowl, quickly making a bowl of cereal. Cheerios, just as plain as him. Kenma really wished he had some apple pie, his favorite food always seemed to calm him down.

 

He ate his cereal on the couch, absentmindedly watching something on the tv, trying to calm himself down. It looked like _Pretty Woman_ ; he recognized Richard Gere and Julia Roberts. He really loved this movie, but refused to admit that he enjoyed romantic comedies to anyone, in case he’d be made fun of. He watched about ten minutes to calm down, and then got back up. This was normal. Everything was fine.

 

Except he was anxious.

 

Kenma put his dishes away, and went to the bathroom. He had put Sugar in there, so when she gave birth it would be on tile, not carpet. He noticed that she was looking around, poking her head in different places. She was even ignoring the food that he just put down. Oh god, oh god, she was getting closer to delivery.

 

She flopped on her back.

 

She howled.

 

She got back up.

 

She squatted.

 

“OH MY GOD,” Kenma vocally screeched. She’s actually going to deliver, oh god oh god. He danced around the bathroom nervously, trying to find something to do, anything to do. He wanted to be helpful. “What do I do?!”

 

Really, this wasn’t such a big deal, he was just supposed to leave her alone. He had researched this, he knew everything by heart, but _oh my GOD she’s delivering! His baby girl is having babies! Kenma is going to be a grandpa!_

 

It really didn’t help that he had wound himself up, either. His worry and concern had rolled over from the entire day. Kenma didn’t know why he did what he did, but he ran to his bedside table and snatched his phone. Nervously, he picked out a contact and dialed.

 

It rang, and rang.

 

He looked at the clock, 12:14. Damn, it’s late. Please pick up, please, please.

 

It rang. A click. A sleepy voice, “Hello?”

 

“Kuroo!” Kenma panicked, nearly yelling into the phone, “Sugar’s delivering! She’s gonna have kittens! What do I do, what do I do?! How do I stop panicking, oh god, I need to calm down, what do I do?”

 

“Hey, hey, hold on a sec,” Kuroo paused, and yawned, before explaining, “Honestly, you don’t do anything. Just watch to make sure nothing bad happens.”

 

Silence.

 

“Do you want me to come over?” Kuroo asked softly. Kenma’s anxiety was so bad, he could almost feel it radiating through the phone. Smiling to himself, Kuroo felt better when Kenma let out a breath he had been holding.

 

“I don’t know why, but yes,” Kenma said. He just needed someone, he supposed. It was okay -- good, even -- if that someone was Kuroo. The man was his vet, after all, he would know what to do.

 

Kuroo chuckled, “Alright. I’ll be there in 20 minutes, okay?”

 

Kenma made an affirmative noise, before whispering a goodbye.

 

“Bye Kenma,” Kuroo replied. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

 

Now what?

 

Just to make himself feel better, he consulted the internet again. For what seemed like the thirtieth time. He knew everything by heart, but read the labor section anyway. Just as Kuroo had said, Kenma was supposed to leave Sugar alone, watching her occasionally. It also said that the first kitten should come within the first hour, then the rest in intervals of ten minutes. Apparently, the kittens arrive in a jelly-like membrane sac thing, then Sugar should lick it off.

 

He made a face. Gross.

 

Okay. Well, now he knows. Not like he didn’t before, but oh well. Kenma paced around his apartment, unsure of what to do. To pass the time, he washed the rest of his dishes and tidied up a little bit. He was a bit of a mess. He even vacuumed, though why he did he wasn’t sure. Neither of them were allergic, and Kuroo was a vet for crying out loud. But Kenma was still jittery, and the lack of sleep was catching up with him. If cleaning helped, then he would clean his entire apartment from ceiling to floor. He could feel his emotions becoming harder to control; they always were at night. Kenma willed the unwanted thoughts to go away, he really didn’t need them tonight.

 

A quick knock came from his apartment door, bringing Kenma out of his thoughts. Feeling unsettled, he nearly ran to the door, and jerked it open. Kuroo stood in front of him, paused in the middle of a stretch. Without thinking, Kenma stepped forward and hugged Kuroo tightly. His presence was familiar and calming in this mess of a day. When Kuroo had become familiar, he didn’t know, but he was.

 

Kenma felt a hand on his head, petting and playing with his hair. He looked up at the taller man with an unreadable expression on his face. Kuroo looked back down at him with soft eyes and a soft smile, no hint of a smirk. He really didn’t know Kuroo was even physically able to do that.

 

“Hey, we better get inside,” Kuroo commented quietly. He gently pushed Kenma back into the apartment. He explained, “Your cats will get out.”

 

Kenma nodded and closed the door behind them. He was still hugging Kuroo, but was becoming more embarrassed by the second. His face was becoming flushed as well, he could feel it. Hiding from Kuroo, he buried his face into the other’s chest.

 

“Why do you have to be so tall?” Kenma mumbled, not expecting an answer. Kuroo’s lips quirked up into a familiar smirk.

 

“Because you like tall guys?” he joked, earning a muffled giggle from Kenma. “Probably because I make a pretty good teddy bear for you. Don’t I?”

 

“Don’t joke like that,” Kenma grumbled. “Not when my cat is in labor, and I’m stressed.”

 

“Who said I was joking?” Kuroo replied, and Kenma stiffened. His voice was light, but serious. Unsure of what to do, Kenma took a deep breath and sighed. He stepped back from Kuroo, and untangled himself from the hug.

 

“I think we should check on Sugar,” he mumbled, avoiding Kuroo’s eyes. He didn’t know what it was about those eyes, but they got him every time. They were fascinating and calculating, and Kenma would be figured out in a matter of seconds.

  
Kuroo stared at Kenma, seeming to have an internal debate. Eventually, he shrugged and said, “Okay. Let’s check on your baby girl, shall we?” 


	7. Final Answer?

 

The two men had been standing in silence for several minutes now. Kuroo had been observing Sugar through the bathroom doorway, making a few noises here and there. One kitten had been birthed, and like he had predicted, Kenma was utterly disgusted. He had also been looking around anxiously, his thoughts stuck on what Kuroo had said.

 

_“I make a pretty good teddy bear for you. Don’t I?”_

 

Seriously. How cheesy is that? Kenma wondered if he had meant it, and if that meant Kuroo liked him. If that meant Kuroo _like-liked_ him. Kenma’s lips twitched up into a small smile for the brief of the before quickly scolded himself for sounding like a middle school kid.

 

Sure, Kenma had come to terms with the fact that he was falling for the vet, that was old news. He also wished that Kuroo would feel the same, but he felt like it was impossible. The problem was, he wasn’t sure if that was because of his depression, or because he genuinely believed like Kuroo didn’t like him. There was always that ‘what if’ part of him, but his mental health always made everything ten times difficult. They were too different, and Kuroo deserved better. Kuroo was intelligent and charming and attractive. Kenma was unsocial and ugly and pathetic.

 

He shook his head softly, earning an unnoticed look from Kuroo. This really wasn’t the time to start feeling miserable. Kuroo sensed that Kenma was starting to become upset, so he decided to talk. “So, it seems like she’s doing great. She’s licking the kittens, so that’s good. She also nibbled the umbilical cord off as well. Those are good signs; I think we can leave her alone for now”

 

Kenma nodded dumbly, taking longer than usual to process the information. He turned to walk to his living room, Kuroo following behind him, quietly asking, “How long will she be in labor?”

 

He couldn’t bring himself to be louder than a whisper, he was too exhausted.

 

“Well, it can last between two to six hours. It’s only been about 45 minutes, so at the very least, another hour and fifteen minutes. My guess is she will only be in labor for three hours, she’s giving birth in fairly quickly intervals,” Kuroo answered. He paused to look at Kenma, who had sat on the couch, holding his head in his hands. He looked miserable, Kenma felt miserable.

 

Kuroo’s expression softened and he looked at Kenma with a sad smile.

 

“This seems like too much emotion just for a cat giving birth, even if she’s your baby,” he commented softly. He paused again, and watched as Kenma nodded weakly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Nothing to talk about,” Kenma muttered. He pulled his legs up onto the couch and curled into a ball. He felt like shit. Why tonight, of all nights? Kenma firmly stood by the fact that the universe liked to mess with him.

 

Kuroo stood still, contemplating what to do. He moved slowly to Kenma’s side, and sat down on the couch as softly as possible. Kenma didn’t flinch away, so that was a good sign. Deciding it was probably better to ask, he whispered, “What can I do to help?”

 

Kenma didn’t respond for a long time; Kuroo was almost worried he didn’t hear him. Kenma took a deep breath, and looked Kuroo in the eye, and in that instant, Kuroo realized how Kenma really felt. He nearly wanted to cry, just for Kenma. He didn’t deserve any sadness, ever. The taller man wanted to pull Kenma closer to him, and just hold him the entire night, but held himself back. He didn’t know what the other would be comfortable with.

 

“Watch Because of Winn Dixie with me,” Kenma finally responded.

 

“Huh?” Kuroo said intelligently. He forgot what he had asked. He was about to ask Kenma if he was sure about that movie, but his expression said he was completely serious. Coughing, Kuroo mumbled, “Oh! Yeah, sure.”

 

Sure enough, ten minutes later, they were sitting on the couch together. After, of course, bathroom breaks and checking on Sugar. Kenma curled up on the couch, intently watching the beginning of the movie. Opal was explaining that she moved, and how she was alone the majority of the time. He smiled softly at the tv; he loved this movie. It was definitely one of his favorites.

 

Kuroo wasn’t really paying attention, he was mostly watching the other. Kenma chuckled when the Church was in the convenience store, he frowned at the Dewberry boys making fun of her, his lip quivered when Opal said she missed her mom. But the best part was when Kenma smiled a real smile: Opal met Winn Dixie in the Winn Dixie grocery store. The workers were trying their best to get the dog, but to no avail. Produce was strewn all over the place, and they were going to call the pound. Opal lied and said the dog was hers.

 

“That’s how I got Clyde and Sugar. They seemed to be best friends, and I found them in the grocery store. Just like that,” Kenma explained, smiling at the memory. “They were really skinny, so I guess they wanted food. Or maybe the rats in the grocery store. I don’t know.”

 

“So that’s why this movie is your favorite? Or why we are watching it?” Kuroo asked, genuinely curious.

 

“Partly,” he admitted, “But there’s another part that makes it my favorite. I’ll tell you when.”

 

Kuroo nodded and they went back to watching the movie. Every time Opal made a friend, Kenma smiled. His smile was really beautiful, Kuroo wondered why he never smiled more. Apparently he wondered aloud, because Kenma’s face dropped.

 

“They said it was ugly,” Kenma mumbled.

 

“Who did?” Kuroo asked angrily. “I think it’s amazing. I know I sound cheesy, but it’s beautiful.”

 

The other smiled softly, and nodded. He turned back to the movie and shivered. Kenma hoped that Kuroo hadn’t noticed, but of course he had.

 

“Cold?” Kuroo grinned.

 

“No,” he lied, puffing his cheeks out. He giggled when Winn Dixie kept burping in Opal’s face, “Perfectly fine.”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Kuroo chuckled. “Let me get a blanket for you. Where is it?”

 

Kenma pointed to a closet, and he went and got it. Grinning softly, he threw it over Kenma, hoping to warm him up, even just a bit. He sat back down on the couch, maybe a tad closer to Kenma. Body heat was the best cure for feeling cold.

 

“Thanks,” he mumbled. They watched the movie, and at this point, Opal was offering a Littmus Lozenge to her father. Kenma scooted closer to Kuroo and leaned his head against his shoulder.

 

“The candy tastes melancholy,” he recited. “What’s melancholy?”

 

Kenma paused, waiting for the movie to catch up.

 

“Sad,” he answered himself. Kuroo just watched him, utterly entranced. They both kept quiet until the scene was over.

 

“So that’s why it’s you wanted to watch it?” Kuroo asked, experimentally wrapping an arm around Kenma’s waist. When the other didn’t protest or flinch away, he kept his arm there. If anything, Kenma leaned into the embrace.

 

“Yeah,” Kenma responded. He was quiet, before continuing, “Melancholy is my favorite word. It’s a beautiful word for a terrible emotion.”

 

“Why are you a video game designer? You should be a poet,” Kuroo joked. He kissed the top of Kenma’s head softly. They stayed together, cuddling close as the haze from the tv flickered back and forth. For a while, they were silent. Kuroo eventually shifted his head to Kenma’s ear and whispered, “I wish you weren’t sad. You don’t deserve it.”

 

“Sometimes I think I do,” Kenma confessed. “Sometimes the bad thoughts are overwhelming. They can even physically hurt. You wouldn’t think they would, but they do.”

 

“You don’t deserve it,” Kuroo repeated firmly.

 

“That’s not what everyone else believes,” Kenma replied harshly. “You’re the first person besides Nekomata to not completely hate me.”

 

“Completely hate you?” he asked incredulously, shifting to face Kenma more. Kuroo studied the other man’s expression before mumbling, “I probably like you too much for my own good.”

 

Kenma froze, and if he was functioning normally, he would have tried to analyze what was just said. But he was just so… so tired. He could feel the tears coming, but he couldn’t help it. The movie continued in the background as he sniffled, “Why? Why do you even like me?”

 

“Why? Why not? You’re incredible, Kenma, I promise you,” Kuroo declared. “You’re so intelligent, it makes me feel like an idiot compared to you. You’re so observant, I see you watching people all the time. You notice the little things, and pick up on small cues. That’s amazing. You’re funny in your own little way, with your sassy remarks and eye rolls. Yes, I’ve seen those.”

 

He paused, before smirking. Twisting a lock of Kenma’s hair in his hand, Kuroo said, “Don’t even get me started on your looks. God, you’re a beauty.”

 

Kenma smiled softly, making a noise in between a sob and a giggle. Kuroo continued playing with his hair, and kissed Kenma on the forehead.

 

“If you don’t like yourself, I’ll like you enough for the both of us,” he promised. “I’ll show you what there is to like about you, okay?”

 

Sniffling again, Kenma just nodded. He turned his body towards Kuroo more and buried his face into his chest. Kuroo just laughed, and rubbed circles on his petit back. A muffled comment came from Kenma.

 

“What?”

 

“Is it weird to say that you smell good?”

 

“No, it’s a compliment. You’re too cute, you know,” he replied. He noticed Kenma was beginning to nod off, so he pressed another kiss to his temple. “You can sleep if you want.”

 

An affirmative sound. And, just like that, he was asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Kuroo was falling for Kenma, that much was certain. He smiled at the sleeping young man in his arms, and wow did he look adorable when he was asleep. Kenma looked so much more relaxed, as well. Maybe even happy. Kuroo decided he liked that look on his face, when he was happy.

 

He took the time to look around the room. It was kinda messy, and he was honestly surprised that Kenma’s other cats hadn’t been around to bother them. Kuroo supposed they were worried about Sugar, or maybe sensed that they should leave Kenma alone for the night.

 

Or maybe they were asleep.

 

Either way, the two men had been alone all night. Eventually the movie had finally ended, and he glanced at his phone. The clock said it was almost 3am. Kuroo told himself that he should get up and check on Sugar, his inner vet showing. Plus, he was starting to feel stiff.

 

Kuroo gently pulled Kenma off him, and laid him on the couch all the way. He stretched, hearing some pops. He found the remote as well, and turned the tv off, glad that the lights were finally off. Kenma didn’t look very comfortable on the couch, so Kuroo bent down and picked him up, bridal style. Despite being short and skinny, Kenma weighed more than he expected.

 

Once Kenma was finally situated in his arms, he went to the bedroom and put him down lightly on the bed. Of course, he made sure Kenma was tucked in under the covers. Kuroo stretched again, still feeling stiff.

 

He went around the house, busying himself with little things. He checked on Sugar again, who had seemed to finish giving birth, and was now feeding her kittens. He went in and gave her extra food, just in case. Kuroo was glad that turned out alright, Kenma didn’t need any other stuff to go wrong in his life.

 

Next, he made sure all the other cat food and water dishes were full. He even cleaned out the kitty litter because he’s an amazing person. (Kuroo, despite being a vet, can’t stand the smell of soiled kitty litter, just like anyone else.). He also had some food, hoping Kenma didn’t mind he was going through his refrigerator.

 

After all was done and finished, he collapsed on the couch. He checked the time again. 3:30am. Damn, he was hardly gonna get any sleep. He needed to be at work at 7, which meant getting up at 5:45 in order to get home and get cleaned up. Kuroo imagined that he could call someone to fill in for him, but there was only the Akaashi guy, Oikawa, and an intern, Yaku. Akaashi only did night shifts, and Oikawa was a dumbass, so he would probably call Yaku.

 

But he was only a college intern...

 

But Yaku is so smart, and Kuroo is so sleepy…

 

Yeah, he’d call him in the morning. Actually, Kuroo decided he’d text him right now, so he wouldn’t even have to wake up in the morning. Definitely a plan. Taking out his phone from his pocket, he opened up a text message. He was glad he had charged it before he left the house, otherwise this entire thing would be harder than it needed to be.

 

_[To: Morisuke Yaku_

_From: me_

_Sent at 3:34am_

_take my shift for this morning. i’ll give you extra recommendations and whatever other college shit you need. please, i am sooo tired.]_

 

A near-instant response. He had probably woken Yaku up, but he didn’t really feel apologetic.

 

_[To: me_

_From: Morisuke Yaku_

_Received at 3:36am_

_You woke me up, dumbass. why should I take your shift?? today is saturday, the busiest day. don’t tell me you just don’t want to go to work, or I’ll sue you.]_

_[To: Morisuke Yaku_

_From: Me_

_Sent at 3:38am_

_excuse u, i’m your boss. and i’ll have you know, it was technically business. the guy freaked out b/c his cat went into labor. please!! i’m exhausted.]_

_[To: me_

_From: Morisuke Yaku_

_Received at 3:40am_

_ok, but only if you take care of Lev the next time he comes in with his dog. you know he makes me irritated but you always make me deal with him.]_

_[To: me_

_From: Morisuke Yaku_

_Received at 3:40am_

_also, I have a friend I want you to hire. or at least check out. you want a 24/7 vet office, right??]_

 

_[To: Morisuke Yaku_

_From: me_

_Sent at 3:43am_

_okay yeah whatever i don’t care im sleepy bye.]_

 

He flopped down on the couch, haphazardly throwing his phone onto the side table. And, just as easily as Kenma had fallen asleep, Kuroo fell asleep on the couch. With the blanket, of course.

 

* * *

 

 

Much, much later, Kenma slowly came back to consciousness and opened one eye, and then the other. He groaned, feeling kind of stiff and yucky. He decided he really needed a shower. Grabbing his phone, he checked the time: 10:25am. He groaned again, he was late to work and would probably have to call in sick again. Dialing his secretary’s number, he waited for Aone to pick up.

 

“Hello?” a gruff voice came from the phone. “This is Aone, how may I help you?”

 

“Hey, Aone,” Kenma responded. “I’m gonna miss today as well, sorry. Please keep all calls and messages for me to read tomorrow.”

 

“Alright,” Aone replied. “I hope you feel better and come back soon.”

 

“Thanks,” Kenma said with a slight smile. He was indeed feeling better. “Bye!”

 

He stretched, walking towards his bathroom. Peeking his head in, he noticed the mess from Sugar’s delivery. He scrunched his face up, and decided he should clean it before he showered, otherwise it’d ruin the point of taking a shower. Gagging, he held his breath and quickly wiped it up with paper towels, and throwing it away. He put a fresh towel down for Sugar, and noticed that there was still food and water from earlier, probably from Kuroo.

 

Once Kenma decided everything was okay, he quickly hopped into the shower and reveled in the feeling of warm water. He could practically feel the grime sliding off his body. After a while, he shampooed his hair and finished up his shower.

 

Eventually, he finished his morning routine and began to make his way to the kitchen to make breakfast. Brunch, actually, he reminded himself with a smile. The smile grew much bigger when he noticed Kuroo sleeping on the couch. Well, that’s not an accurate description. Kuroo was sprawled out on the couch, different limbs pointing in different directions. He was way too tall for the couch, Kuroo’s feet hanging off the end, and one arm hanging off the side. Kenma didn’t understand how that could be comfortable. Kuroo was drooling, too, but somehow Kenma still thought it was cute.

 

Smiling one last time, he went into the kitchen and began making brunch. He decided he wanted scrambled eggs, hash browns, and mixed fruit. Soon enough, brunch began to smell delicious. The smell was the exact thing that woke Kuroo up. He found himself following the smell to the kitchen and was content to see Kenma awake and doing something productive.

 

Also, Kenma was really cute. Because that mattered, right?

 

“Good morning,” Kuroo commented, and leaned over him to smell the food. He reached a hand out to grab a strawberry, “You look cute today.”

 

Kenma swatted Kuroo’s hand away from him, and frowned. Hopefully the frown would hide the blush. “Good morning. You seem awfully perky today.”

 

“Well yeah, that food smells absolutely delicious. I really want some.”

 

“Who said it’s for you?” Kenma teased. “Go sit at the table, it’s almost done, okay?”

 

Kuroo grinned, walking away, extremely happy that Kenma felt okay. He actually talked more than he usually did, too. Kuroo sat down at the table, and browsed his phone for a few moments. He looked up immediately when he heard Kenma come out of the kitchen, and couldn’t help but drool at the food. It looked amazing.

 

“Damn being a poet, you should be a cook,” Kuroo chuckled. “That looks really good.”

 

“Thanks,” Kenma replied with a blush. He put down the plates, handing one to Kuroo. “I hope it tastes as good as it looks.”

 

Kenma finally sat down as well, and they began eating. But that’s all they did. Neither of them said a word, and the silence wasn’t comfortable like usual. He could feel his face heating up, hoping Kuroo couldn’t tell he was blushing.

 

“Do you want something to drink?” Kenma blurted out. He stood up and went to the fridge; he needed to get away for a second. Kuroo only smirked, watching his every move.

 

And, out of nowhere, Kuroo threw a curveball.

 

“You do understand that I like you more than friends, right?” he asked bluntly, slightly worried. He figured he had to be the one to get over the beginning awkwardness, or else nothing would happen. Kuroo had been dropping hints like crazy, but none were picked up.

 

Kenma tripped over his own feet, flailing wildly for a moment before righting himself. He turned towards Kuroo and stared at him, before he responded, “I guess I do now.”

 

“Okay,” Kuroo acknowledged. He paused for a second, seeming to wait for something as Kenma got his drink and sat down at the table again. Looking away from Kenma, they both went back to eating. It was silent, except for forks clinking against the two plates.

 

“Me too,” Kenma admitted shyly.

 

It took Kuroo a few moments to understand what he meant. He went back to their conversation from minutes ago and then it made sense. “Oh. _Oh_ , okay, good.”

 

“Good,” he repeated.

 

It’s quiet for a moment, before they looked at each other simultaneously. Kuroo made a weird face, before the two burst out laughing.

 

“I don’t even know what I’m laughing at,” Kenma said, reveling in the feeling of laughter. It had been a long time since he’d last laughed.

 

After a bit, they calmed down, and the atmosphere was relaxed. The scene wasn’t a perfect romance scene from a movie, there was no rain, there was no grand gestures, no emotional confession. Yet, Kuroo still felt it was the best time to ask. They hadn’t known each other for very long, but both of them felt like they should have. Kuroo steeled himself to ask _The Question_.

 

“Kenma…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can I ask you out?”

 

Kenma was silent, thinking about what Kuroo said. Eventually, he responded cautiously, “Are you asking if you can ask me out, or are you actually asking me out?”

 

“Um, I’m asking you out.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Is that your final answer?” Kuroo mimicked the voice of a game show host, hiding his slight insecurity with humor.

 

“If I get it wrong, do I still get a million dollars?” Kenma asked, smiling shyly.

 

“Definitely not,” Kuroo joked back. He stretched a big stretch, and grimaced when he heard something else pop. He glanced up, looking at the charming blond across from him, who was biting his lip. Kuroo smiled, deciding to help with some of the anxiety for Kenma. “I mean, if you ask me, I’m worth way more than a million dollars.”

  
“Yeah. Yeah, sure.” He paused, looking away. The next thing Kenma said was barely audible, and Kuroo had to strain to hear it. But damn, was Kuroo glad he heard it. “Final answer.”


	8. The Town Gossip

 

The couple continued eating, and Kenma was glad that their silence was back to being comfortable. He wasn’t sure what he would do if they kept being awkward together. If anything, it felt like he hadn’t really been asked out, and they were still friends. Of course, Kuroo came to the rescue with a simple question.

 

“Hey, since we’re dating, can we go out on a date today?” Kuroo asked randomly, a ghost of a smirk on his face. He was still holding his fork, and was halfway to taking a bite of his scrambled eggs. “The weather guy on the news yesterday said it wasn’t supposed to be cold today. Probably the last nice day before winter is fully here.”

 

“Today. Like, right now?”

 

“Well, I’ll have to go home to take a shower and get some new clothes, but yeah,” he chuckled. Finally, a first, real date with Kenma. On the first day of dating, no less.

 

It wasn’t necessary to go out this quickly, but Kuroo didn’t really care. He just enjoyed being with him, was all. Plus, like he had explained to Kenma, it wasn’t supposed to be too cold. It was the beginning of December, they had to take advantage of whatever nice days there were left.

 

“Will Sugar and the kittens be okay on their own?” Kenma fretted. He really didn’t want his cats to be left alone, especially if Sugar had just given birth. What if something went wrong?

 

“Yeah, they’ll be fine,” Kuroo explained, “If we give them extra food and water, they’ll be good. The kittens nurse from Sugar, anyway. Sugar won’t leave them, either, so yeah.”

 

“Okay, if you’re sure...” he trailed off.

 

“I’m a vet, Kenma,” Kuroo rolled his eyes good-naturedly..

 

“Right, sorry,” he muttered.

 

They both went back to eating, though Kuroo had nearly cleaned his plate already. Kenma smiled and got up, bringing back some extra food. He sat back down and took a bite of his strawberry before asking, “What did you have in mind?”

 

“Volleyball and a picnic,” Kuroo answered immediately. Figures he already knew what he wanted to do. Neither of them had played volleyball in forever, and who better to play it with then their boyfriend?

 

_Boyfriend!_

 

“Really,” Kenma deadpanned, “Volleyball?”

 

“Yep,” he said in all seriousness. Kuroo shoved more food in his face, completely ruining the serious answer.

 

Kenma rolled his eyes and snorted. He stretched his arms above his head, before moving to clean up the table. “Are you finished?”

 

As Kuroo nodded, Kenma took his plate and put the dishes in the dishwasher. Cleaning up the rest of the kitchen, he could hear Kuroo grunt from behind him, probably yet another stretch. Kuroo, he found out quickly, stretched way more often than what was necessary.

 

“Hey, Kenma,” Kuroo called, “I’m gonna go back to my apartment to shower and get a picnic ready and volleyball stuff. I’ll be back in like an hour, okay?”

 

“Sure,” he replied over his shoulder at Kuroo, still loading the dishes. “When you come back, though, take another look at Sugar before we go. I want to make sure everything is fine before we go anywhere.”

 

Kuroo make some sort of noise, probably an acknowledgement, before making his way to the apartment door. Suddenly, Kuroo stopped in his tracks and seemed to be debating something. Kuroo jogged back towards Kenma and looked at him with a conflicted expression.

 

“Forget something?”

 

Kuroo smirked, a real obnoxious grin. He bent down and quickly kissed Kenma on the top of his head. Straightening back up, he smiled, obviously proud of himself. He snickered when Kenma’s shoulders tensed and quickly relaxed, his cheeks beginning to flush.  

 

“Was that what you forgot?” Kenma asked, half annoyed and half flattered. He moved his hand to tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear, turning away to hide his blush. Several of his cats came out of nowhere and twisted themselves around his feet, maybe trying to console him.

 

“Yeah,” Kuroo laughed, “It was. I’ll see you in a bit.”

 

And he was gone, leaving Kenma standing in his kitchen with his cats, just like usual. They meowed for his attention, and he bent down to pet Clyde. He petted Clyde as he grumbled about Kuroo.

 

“He’s so obnoxious!” Kenma ranted to the cats circling his feet, “How can he do something so cheesy like that without batting an eye? What’s a better word for idiot, because I’m totally calling him that later!”

 

“Meow.”

 

Well, he got an answer, just not an answer he’d understand.

 

“Are you guys still hungry?” Kenma asked the three cats that had gathered around his feet. He went to fill up the food and water, but saw that it wasn’t anywhere near empty. He scrunched his face up in confusion, “Why are you being so clingy? You still have food.”

 

He sighed, resigning himself to an hour of clingy cats. They had probably gotten lonely, considering how he hadn’t seen any of them around last night. Kenma giggled, even when he was walking to the couch, the three cats decided to be right on his heel, tickling the skin on his calf. He grabbed Clyde in his arms, and flopped back into the couch. Within moments, Colin and Lynn were on either side of Kenma.

 

It was pretty obvious that now that Kuroo was gone, they were able to share their anxiety about Sugar’s pregnancy, although not that there was that much anymore. They seemed to be content with the fact that Sugar was okay, although Clyde had seemed to smell the kittens. Kenma had caught him meowing and pawing on the bathroom door several times; he didn’t know if Clyde was the dad, or if Clyde just wanted to play with the new additions to the household.

 

Some minutes later, it occurred to Kenma that they could’ve been worried about him, as well. They had done stuff similar before, especially Colin and Lynn. They’d jump on the bed and try to comfort him as much as possible. His hypothesis seemed to be correct when after only a little bit of cuddling, Clyde and Colin seemed to become bored of staying on the couch. Lynn nuzzled him, and curled up to take a nap. Apparently, they believed that Kenma was alright now as well.

 

Well, this was fun and all, but it was actually boring.

 

After realizing only about a half hour had passed, he decided to go to Shouyou’s apartment and tell him that Sugar’s pregnancy was fine and that the kittens were born. It kind of felt like a requirement, considering Shouyou said that he would take in one of the kittens.

 

Kenma just wished that Kageyama wasn’t there. He didn’t know what he would do if Kageyama decided to start something. Pushing the thought out of his head, Kenma told himself that Shouyou was more important.

 

“Don’t do anything reckless while I’m gone,” Kenma sighed, mostly talking to Clyde. A chorus of meows followed him as he left the apartment.

 

He looked around anxiously, seeing if anyone was lurking, waiting to pounce. Thankfully, there wasn’t, so Kenma tiptoed past apartment 502. He swore he could feel the door even staring at him. He knocked on the door to 503, waiting for Shouyou to answer, which was fairly quickly.

 

“Oh, hi Kenma!” Shouyou said, smiling as he opened the door the rest of the way as an invitation. Kenma was frozen at first, but quickly recovered and  mumbled a hello as he pushed past Shouyou and made his way further into the apartment.

 

“Kageyama isn’t here, is he?” Kenma mumbled, looking around suspiciously.

 

“Nah, if he was, I wouldn’t have opened the door,” he chuckled in response. “I think he’s at work, although he might come back for lunch break, since it’s Saturday and all.”

 

Shouyou shrugged and turned back to him, smiling with radiance. Kenma couldn’t help but think that even though Shouyou was pure sunshine, that he didn’t feel for him as much as he used to. He couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or not. Considering that he was -- Kenma still couldn’t believe it -- dating Kuroo now, it was.

 

Yeah. A good thing.

 

Shouyou cocked his head at Kenma, obviously confused. They sat together on the couch and Shouyou watched him carefully. He paused, before asking, “Is there something I can help with or…?”

 

“Um, actually, there is,” Kenma admitted eventually. He hated saying anything that even suggested he was weak. He definitely didn’t need help… but the other man’s eyes lit up anyway, extremely bright. Still not as bright as he originally believed, though.

 

Shouyou happily gestured for him to continue, and Kenma grudgingly obeyed.

 

“Well, you remember how you said you’d take a kitten when Sugar had them?” he asked. Shouyou nodded and smiled slightly. He pretty much knew where this was going. “Okay, um, Sugar had her kittens -- “ Shouyou squealed here “ -- and everything turned out okay. All her kittens are fine too, so that’s um, why I’m here…”

 

“So you want me to take one of the kittens, huh?” His eyes sparkled when Kenma nodded. He bounced up and down in his place on the couch, the epitome of excitement. “Awesome! I’m so glad you trust me with one of your precious grand-kitties!”

 

“Yeah,” Kenma responded, just to keep the silence away. A split second of awkwardness before he did something completely spontaneously stupid. Kuroo must be rubbing off him. Yeah, that was the explanation. Taking a deep breath, he asked, “Do you want to come to my apartment to see the kittens?”

 

He half hoped that Shouyou would say no, but he didn’t.

 

“Of course I would! Let’s go right now!” he said, and grabbed Kenma’s arm. With strength he didn’t know Shouyou possessed, he was dragged out of Shouyou’s apartment and back to his apartment. He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out his keys and cell phone. Glancing at the time on his phone, the brief thought that Kuroo would be back soon flitted through his head.

 

He couldn’t help but smile as he unlocked the door, and of course, Shouyou noticed.

 

“Whatcha smiling about, Kenma?” Shouyou asked, a knowing gleam in his eyes. Kenma avoided his eyes, and fiddled with the lock longer than necessary without actually opening the door. Anything to avoid the question he didn’t want to answer. “Oh come on, you can tell me! Oh, oh, is it about that guy you’ve totally been crushing on? I bet it is!”

 

Of course, he was never able to lie to Shouyou.

 

“I -- I guess you could say that,” he stammered in reply. He looked back up at Shouyou, only to see him in a smile that reached from ear to ear. For a brief moment, he wondered if it hurt to smile like that. Did it stretch his mouth too much? What if his lips were chapped? The random questions in Kenma’s head were interrupted with another squeal from Shouyou.

 

“Tell me all the juicy details!”

 

Kenma rolled his eyes and with exasperation, said, “There aren’t any juicy details, Shouyou.”

 

“I definitely don’t believe you, your eyes scream that you’re in puppy love, or something close to it,” he countered.

 

“What’s up with everyone and my eyes?” Kenma muttered, making a point to look away.

 

“Your eyes totally give you away, Kenma,” Shouyou huffed in a quick explanation. He grabbed Kenma’s shoulders and looked uncharacteristically serious. “Now tell me! I want to know everything! What’s new in my best friend’s life?”

 

“Well…”

 

“Well…?” Shouyou prompted.

 

“Okay, fine. Just because you won’t shut up,” Kenma groaned. He hoped this wouldn’t take too long. It felt awkward to be having this conversation outside of his apartment, when anyone could walk into the lobby and see them. In one quick breath, he said, “Last night he came over cause Sugar was giving birth. We watched a movie, we cuddled, he asked me out, and now we’re dating. That’s all.”

 

There was a pause. Neither of them moved.

 

“That’s _all?_ ” Shouyou shrieked, breaking the silence. He hopped from one foot to the other, excitement taking over his small body. His eyes sparkled and he kept making a weird ‘ooooh!’ noise that Kenma wasn’t sure how he felt about it. “Oh my gosh! I’m so happy for you! Don’t tell me that’s all; that’s a lot of stuff!”

 

Kenma smiled slightly as he was pulled into a friendly hug from Shouyou. He was just about to thank him and ask him how his life had been when the elevator dinged.

 

Of course, if either of them had been thinking, they would’ve realized the only person that would come onto the floor would be Kageyama. There were only three apartments, after all, and even when Kenma began to slowly understand what the elevator noise signified, he was utterly frozen.

 

Kenma let out a pathetic squeak when the elevator door opened the rest of the way, and Kageyama’s eyes locked onto Kenma.

 

And Shouyou.

 

Hugging.

 

Time seemed to slow down, dragging out all of Kenma’s anxiety and dread. Of course this would happen. Anytime he was happy, anytime he was satisfied with his life, something had to ruin it. He, himself, had to ruin it. He wasn’t allowed to be happy, apparently.

 

They were still hugging each other when Kageyama balled his fists, and took the first step out of the elevator. Finally, they broke out of their frozen spell and immediately pushed away from each other. At that point, it didn’t really matter. Kenma had been seen hugging Shouyou, in front of his own apartment. Even the best of people would have been concerned, especially since it was a known fact that Kenma had crushed on Shouyou.

  
Kageyama wasn’t really the best of people, though.


	9. Knight in a Shining Lab Coat

 

Kageyama smiled angrily, his lips pulled tight, and he looked downright scary. His hands were still balled into fists as he stalked over to the two men. He towered over both of them, glaring down at Kenma.

 

“Hi, Tobio,” Shouyou forced a smile. He knew that Kageyama wouldn’t hurt him in any way, but he wasn’t so sure about Kenma or his feelings. Kageyama’s eyes snapped back up to Shouyou and frowned. “Did you hear? Kenma’s cat had kittens…”

 

“That’s nice,” Kageyama replied harshly, clenching his teeth. His eyes flitted back to Kenma and his terrifying aura could be felt from miles away. “Why were you hugging him?”

 

“Tobio -- “ Shouyou started, but was cut off by a glare. He frowned, he would definitely have to smack some sense into him after this. This wasn’t right.

 

“We were celebrating kittens,” Kenma answered lamely.

 

“You were hugging my boyfriend,” he snarled back. “Next time are you gonna try to kiss him, huh? Can’t you tell? Shouyou doesn’t want you.”

 

“I -- I know he doesn’t,” he said.

 

“Then why don’t you stay away from him?!” Kageyama sneered.

 

“He’s my friend,” Kenma defended himself in fear, avoiding eye contact. Even if Kageyama was terrifying, he didn’t want to lose one of his only friendships. He knew that Shouyou appreciated their friendship as well, so why, so why was this happening? He just wanted to be happy…

 

“No he’s not,” Kageyama laughed harshly in reply. “He doesn’t want you. In fact, no one wants you.”

 

“Tobio! That wasn’t necessary!” Shouyou snapped, glaring at him. Of course, Kageyama ignored him. It was nearly impossible to bring him back to reality when he was angry. He was a joy when he wasn’t angry.

 

“B-but,” Kenma tried again, anything to soothe the problem, before being interrupted by Kageyama.

 

“Shut up!” he roared. Kenma thought he heard an elevator ding, but he couldn’t be sure, since Kageyama was still yelling, “You’re not wanted anywhere!”

 

He closed his eyes, trying not to tear up. In the background, he vaguely registered the sound of something being dropped, a thump on the ground. It was quickly dismissed when his emotions came back in full waves of dread. He willed himself not to cry. Not in front of Shouyou, not in front of Kageyama. Crying was reserved for his home, and his cats. Not here, not in public. If he hadn’t closed his eyes, if he had been paying attention, he would’ve recognized the familiar elevator doors opening.

 

Taking deep breaths, he tried to calm himself down and mentally get away from the situation. But then, Kenma jumped, startled, as he registered an arm being wrapped around him. He opened his eyes in confusion: Shouyou had wrapped an arm around Kenma and smiled. His friend also nudged Kenma to look back at Kageyama.

 

Kenma turned his head slightly and steeled himself for harsh glares. He glanced back at Kageyama and _oh. Oh, that’s why._

 

“You again?” Kageyama scoffed.

 

Kuroo was there, and he looked furious. Kageyama had turned around to face the other man, and the two were glaring at each other. If the entire situation wasn’t so terrible, it might have been funny.

 

“What did you just say?” Kuroo’s words were quiet, but dripping with anger. Kageyama straightened up, obviously a tad intimidated. Understandable. Kuroo was three inches taller than the other man, and much, much broader.

 

“I said that Kenma wasn’t wanted,” Kageyama sneered in response.

 

“Really,” Kuroo deadpanned, “He’s not wanted?”

 

He took a step towards Kageyama, and he took a step back in turn.

 

“That’s right.”

 

“What would you say if I wanted him?” Kuroo asked, a frighteningly sweet smile on his face. Kenma was almost scared of him as well, but realized that it was only Kuroo. Nothing to be afraid of, he was just a big dork.

 

“That, uh, you’re a dumbass,” Kageyama responded, but it came out sounding more like a question.

 

“Right then,” he chuckled. His angry aura seemed to disappear, maybe it took a second to relax, and it came back with full force a second later. Kuroo swiftly walked up to Kageyama and punched him in the face, a gross crunch from his nose, who stumbled backwards and caught himself on his knee. “Take your jackass boyfriend, Hinata. I like you, but your boyfriend seriously needs an attitude adjustment. I’ve had enough of him. That was the second time I’ve had to punch him, that’s ridiculous.”

 

Kuroo paused as Kageyama tried to stumble forward and insult them again. He pushed Kageyama back down, closer to the ground, and continued talking, “He needs to shape up, or I don’t want you near Kenma either. He doesn’t need any more shit than he already has. In fact, no one deserves this.”

 

Shouyou nodded quickly, still stunned silent. He grabbed Kageyama’s arm to pull him to a standing position, and dragged him back to the apartment. Though it wasn’t clear what was being said, Shouyou was being a disciplinarian and talking in quick, angry tones. There were a few squeaks and cracks in his tone, but Kageyama followed, a hand pressed to his nose to stop the bleeding.

 

“I’m so sorry, Kenma,” Shouyou called guiltily over his shoulder, before entering his apartment, pulling Kageyama in tow. It was obvious he felt terrible, most likely he felt he should have done more, too. The last thing that was seen was Shouyou’s downcast expression. Soon enough, the 5th floor hallway was quiet, the elevator hum being the only sound that was audible.

 

Kenma let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and slumped back against his apartment door. He leaned his head back against the wood and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. Suddenly, Kenma felt a tall presence lingering in front of him and unintentionally tensed, even if he knew it was only Kuroo.

 

“Hey, look at me,” Kuroo implored, voice desperate. Kenma shook his head in response, scared that seeing Kuroo’s face would trigger a waterfall of tears. Instead of being met with another command, Kenma felt the other’s hands hovering over his face, each hand cupping a cheek cautiously. His head was gently tilted upwards, and he felt Kuroo’s thumbs wiping away the unshed tears.

 

“Will you look at me now?” he requested again, this time slightly less worried. Kenma let out a deep breath and opened his eyes. He was met with Kuroo’s face close to his, dark eyes searching his own. Kuroo sighed in satisfaction and murmured a quick, “Thanks.”

 

The two stood quietly against the apartment door, until Kuroo slowly removed his hands from Kenma’s face. With a pathetic chuckle, he confessed, “I don’t know what to say right now.”

 

He snorted in response, the action triggering him to accidentally hit his head against the door. Pretending to be offended by his laughter, Kuroo asked, “What’s so funny?”

 

“You said you don’t know what to say, but you always have something to say,” Kenma explained. “You never shut up.”

 

His words sounded rude, but his tone of voice made them sound almost affectionate. When Kenma’s lips quirked ever-so-slightly into a smile, Kuroo knew that things were heading in the right direction.

 

“How rude! You’re breaking my heart, you know,” he joked with a smile. Kuroo moved one hand to Kenma’s shoulder, and used the other hand to bop him on the nose with a single finger. Kenma half-giggled, half-sighed and visibly relaxed, the scene from just a few minutes ago disappearing into the past.

 

Kuroo smiled; if Kenma felt better, then he felt better too. Without thinking, he kissed the top of Kenma’s head affectionately. Thankfully, his boyfriend didn’t seem to mind, besides a slight blush. They both relaxed more, standing in front of the apartment door in comfortable quiet, before Kuroo broke the silence with a muffled sound.

 

“Hey! I just remembered!” Kuroo exclaimed, glancing around, as if looking for something. All Kenma did in reply was a confused expression. Kuroo grinned, “I still have the picnic basket, and the volleyball!”

 

Kenma’s face brightened a little bit, if anything could make him feel better, it was food. Or video games. But food worked too. Suddenly, Kuroo had the look of a kicked puppy on his face.

 

“Do… do you still wanna go?” He mumbled and looked away, biting his lip. He continued, “I mean, if you’re not up to it, it’s all good, cause that was pretty stressful and all...”

 

Even though Kuroo said it was okay if they stayed, Kenma still recognized the disappointment in the statement. He didn’t enjoy people-watching for nothing, he was skilled at noticing the small emotions and their tells people have. Shaking his head, he decided that even though he didn’t exactly want to _go_ anywhere, he sure as hell didn’t want to stay here. Not in such close proximity to Kageyama or what just happened.

 

“Okay,” Kenma said simply. Kuroo stared at him, as if he had gone crazy. Maybe he had, who knows.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, Kuroo, really,” Kenma agreed quietly.

 

“Okay,” Kuroo echoed. He stook a step back, and was obviously at a loss what to do now. He wasn’t expecting the other man to agree with him. “Okay,” he repeated, as if convincing himself, before he blossomed into a bright smile. “Great!”

 

He turned around and headed back to the elevator. Everything was just as he had haphazardly thrown it: the picnic basket had (thankfully) stayed upright, sitting next to a wall near the elevator. The volleyball had pretty much stayed the same, as well, beside some rolling around. It was leaning up against a wall, wedged in a corner. Kuroo quickly grabbed the items and jogged back to Kenma, even if he was only a few yards away.

 

“Do you wanna go like, right now, or…” Kuroo trailed off. Thankfully, Kenma responded before he could even finish the question.

 

“Sure, but Sugar and the kittens need to be checked in on,” he said.

 

Kuroo nodded, that made sense.

 

“I’ll just run in and check on them, okay?” he offered. The animals would be fine, he already knew that. But if it would help Kenma calm down, then it was worth it. Kenma nodded, and unlocked the apartment door for the other man.

 

Kuroo made his way inside, calling over his shoulder, “I’ll be right back!”

 

Kenma nodded again, this time to himself. It was… interesting, that they were going on a date -- a picnic, no less -- when not even ten minutes ago, he had been scared for his life. Well, not for his physical life, he reasoned to himself. Kageyama would have ruined one of his only friendships, if not the best one.

 

But maybe that was the whole point. A date after something scary. Kenma wouldn’t be alone, he’d be with good company.

 

Kenma hated being alone. He had never enjoyed being alone for too long; that’s why he had 4 cats to keep him company -- or was it 8 cats now? Kenma had already lost Nekomata, there was no way he would lose Shouyou, either. There were only so many people that liked him, and that he liked in return.

 

 _Now there is one more,_ a voice in his mind reminded. Yeah, there is another person, that’s for sure. It would be hard to forget Kuroo, considering how prevalent and stubborn he was. _But that’s not the only reason it would be hard to forget him,_ the same voice in his head chided.

 

“Hey, you ready?”

 

Kuroo’s voice brought him back to reality. Kenma blinked. He hadn’t realized that he was zoning out. With an air of finality, he pushed all the thoughts from his head, even the good ones. He would focus on the here and the now, and now the two were going on a date, as silly as that sounded.

 

They would have fun, he promised himself. He was determined to make the day even a little bit better. Last night he had moped and been depressed, but he wouldn’t let this morning be ruined.

 

“Yeah, I am. Sorry,” he apologized, “I spaced out there for a second.”

 

“I could tell,” Kuroo laughed. “You had an interesting look on your face. It was a weird combination of happiness and pain. Maybe nostalgia?”

 

Kuroo seemed to consider the options for what his expression meant, but Kenma made a noise that could have been taken for an affirmative to end the conversation. The sound, thankfully, was enough to end the conversation. In all honesty, he didn’t know how to reply.

 

Seriously, what was it with Kuroo and being able to see through him so easily?

 

“I brought you your coat just in case it does get cold,” Kuroo said, bringing Kenma back again from his slight day-dream. He held out the coat and Kenma blushed as he was helped gently into it, one arm at a time. “Great. Shall we?”

 

Kenma nodded as Kuroo grabbed the picnic basket and the volleyball. He took the volleyball from his boyfriend, just so the other man could have an arm free.

 

He looked down at Kenma, holding the volleyball in the crook of his arm. Kuroo smirked and moved to Kenma’s other side, completely blowing off the confused look. He hooked his own arm through Kenma’s free one, as if escorting him to the elevator.

 

(He was.)

 

“What do you say, old fella?” Kuroo teased, and led them to the elevator. Kenma scrunched up his nose in amusement, and gave Kuroo a half-hearted glare. He gave up and sighed, reminding himself to relax and at least try to have fun.

  
Instead of replying with some half-hearted insult, Kenma played along. With a small smile on his face, Kenma said, “I say, old chap, we shall.”


	10. Closed Doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have an angsty chapter. it's short but that's probably a good thing, poor kenma.

 

The couple ducked into a small cafe, holding tightly to all their items as they escaped the rain. Kuroo held the door for them both and Kenma bent down slightly to go under his arm. Kuroo ran a hand through his hair to get rid of the excess water as they looked around for an empty spot in the cafe. It seemed like everyone else had the same idea; there were a lot of customers, more than usual.

 

“Today sucked,” Kenma commented. He shook his head like a cat in an attempt to dry his hair, glaring at Kuroo when he laughed.

 

“Sorry about that,” he apologized, giving Kenma a sympathetic look. “Honestly, the weather forecast said nothing about rain. It said no snow, but apparently that doesn’t mean no rain.”

 

Kenma nodded, and didn’t say anything further. He moved further into the small cafe, finding a booth and sitting down. He didn’t need to look to know that Kuroo was following him. Kenma ran a hand through his wet hair to undo the knots, once, twice, and a third time. He knew Kuroo was watching him, but he didn’t feel like talking at that moment. He busied himself, picking at a loose thread from his coat that Kuroo had brought for him.

 

Hearing the tell-tale sound of a booth seat moving, Kenma looked up curiously. Kuroo had disappeared from his spot, without saying a word. He wasn’t sure if he should be mad or glad about that. Kenma decided glad, that Kuroo knew when to leave him alone.

 

That train of thought led him to the question that has been plaguing Kenma for a whole three weeks now: How did Kuroo understand Kenma so well? He would understand it if they were childhood friends, or even knew each other for a couple months. But the two men had only met each other three weeks ago, totally out of chance.

 

Or fate, a voice in his mind commented, but Kenma chose to ignore it. He’d been doing that a lot, ignoring things. If he was in a video game, he probably would have leveled up his skill of ignoring things; that’s how often he’d been focusing on only the things he wanted to.

 

Movement caught his eyes, and he turned around to see Kuroo walking back towards him, balancing a tray with food and two drinks. So that’s where he had went. Kenma watched him carefully the rest of the way, noticing how he took precise steps, somehow knowing where slick spots were, and how he barely faltered at all; Kenma doubted if a single drop from the drinks had been spilled. He wondered if Kuroo had been a waiter at some point in his life, or if he was naturally meticulous.

 

Kenma caught himself smiling at Kuroo’s accomplishment, but quickly scolded himself. He briefly wondered why he shouldn’t smile, was it not okay to be happy? He was unable to answer the question, distracted by the drink that was being pushed to him. He eyed the cup carefully, weighing the pros and cons of drinking it. Kuroo got it for him, that was the pro. But he didn’t know what it was, that was the con.

 

Few people knew he was a picky eater.

 

He heard a laugh, and glanced back up to see Kuroo grinning, as if he knew something he didn’t. Kenma almost asked him what was so funny, but he knew Kuroo would eventually explain. And, of course, he was right.

 

“It’s not poison,” Kuroo chuckled, and pushed the cup a few more inches, almost as encouragement. When Kenma still refused to take a sip, he sighed and tried again. “I know you’ll like it. I got you a cappuccino and added lots of sugar and cream.”

 

Figures that Kuroo was one of those few people.

 

Kenma grimaced, and ignored Kuroo’s confused and worried look. He wasn’t grimacing because he would hate the drink, he wanted to tell him that it was fine, that he liked that type of drink, but he couldn’t. He was grimacing because yet again, Kuroo knew exactly what to get him, and Kenma couldn’t fathom how he could be figured out so easily, so quickly. Everything was made worse when he noticed which snack was now in front of him: apple pie. His favorite.

 

He nearly burst into tears right then and there.

 

“Stop,” Kenma whispered, barely loud enough to be considered audible. He felt a prick of guilt when he watched Kuroo’s expression turned from a smile to confusion, and if he wasn’t paying such close attention like he always does, he would have missed the flash of hurt in Kuroo’s eyes.

 

Breathing in and out slowly, Kenma took a few moments to compose himself. He avoided looking at the person across from him, scared what would happen if he did. Kuroo didn’t say anything, but Kenma knew that he was being watched and analyzed. The fact that he came to the conclusion of _‘Don’t say anything to Kenma right now,’_ though that it should make him happy, that he was being left to his own calming devices, actually made Kenma extremely upset. It was just more proof, another reason, that he wasn’t as guarded as he once thought.

 

That, in itself was a problem. If he wasn’t guarded, then he could be hurt. Quite easily. He enjoyed knowing that everyone thought of him as an emotionless person, he enjoyed that reputation, because it hid the fact that Kenma could be broken with the push of a finger. Everyone thought that the only thing he liked was video games and apple pies, that nothing really bothered him. Like everything to him was water off a duck’s back, but in reality, it wasn’t. No one knew how many emotions and thoughts filtered through his mind every second, every day. He had intended to keep it that way, keeping people out in order to keep himself safe.

 

But it was hard. It was hard to keep someone out who already knows what’s going on inside. It was hard to ignore someone whose entire point is to not be ignored. It was hard to push someone away, who actually wanted in. It was hard being around someone Kenma cared about, knowing everything could go to hell in a single moment. It was hard keeping _Kuroo_ out, because he was all of those things.

 

Kenma didn’t know what scared him more: letting Kuroo in and being hurt, or driving Kuroo away. Both would hurt, and he was tired of being hurt. He didn’t want either of the options; he acknowledged that Kuroo made him happy, that much was sure. But at the same time, if that man had the power to make him happy, he had the power to take it away.

 

That’s why he couldn’t allow himself to be happy, Kenma decided, answering his own question, because it could be taken away at any moment.

 

Coming back to reality, Kenma found himself blinking several times, as if he had kept his eyes open for way too long. Which, for all he knew, could’ve been entirely true. He looked up at Kuroo with an apologetic smile, ignoring the calculating expression that met him.

 

“Are you ready to talk now?” Kuroo questioned softly. Kenma was internally grateful that he started the conversation. He nodded in response, and worked to keep eye contact, Kuroo deserved that much. Though Kenma knew what he wanted to say, he had worked through everything in his mind just moments previous, what came out of his mouth…

 

“I don’t like you.”

 

… wasn’t at all what he meant.

 

Kenma’s eyes widened as he processed what he said, and a panic began to set in. He was positive he could see hurt in Kuroo’s eyes, and maybe even anger. He could feel his palms sweating and his eyes darting in different directions. That really wasn’t what he meant to say, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything more. His throat constricted, and became incredibly dry, making it nearly impossible to even make a noise. But what surprised him was how Kuroo responded.

 

“Calm down, Kenma. Try again.”

 

At the sound of Kuroo’s deep voice, encouraging him no less, he found the strength he was missing. He looked up, carefully making eye contact, evening his breathing as he did so. Kenma straightened up, his throat becoming more open by the second. He took a deep breath, and tried once more.

 

“As you probably figured out, that… wasn’t quite what I meant,” Kenma informed him quietly. Another deep breath, still keeping eye contact. When Kuroo’s expression turned into another, with relief, he found it even easier to continue speaking. “I’m scared, really, that’s all there is to it. It’s too much to explain.”

 

He winced when Kuroo raised an eyebrow, obviously curious, and gestured for him to explain, like a _I’ve got all the time in the world_ type gesture. Kenma rubbed his hands together nervously, proud of himself for keeping eye contact for so long. Then, scolding himself when he looked away, but it was lacking any real malice. He figured if Kuroo wanted to know, then he would have to be looking away. It was the only way he would be able to say everything he’d wanted to.

 

“We’ve only known each other for two weeks, but even from the beginning…” Kenma trailed off. He cleared his throat once, and continued, “You knew everything about me. You figured me out, like a puzzle, with your analyzing and calculating gaze.”

 

Kenma shrugged, more out of habit than anything, and laughed slightly out of anxiety. He looked around, making sure no one else was watching him unnecessarily, before continuing in a strained voice.

 

“In fact, you should be a criminal psychologist, instead of a vet. Just in the past ten minutes that we’ve been here… When we got here, you knew to leave me alone. You knew what to get me for a drink and a snack, for heaven’s sake, you even knew what to say to get me to try it!” He made a strangled sound, something like a half laugh and a half sob. It was definitely a sound Kuroo didn’t enjoy. “Seriously! How did you even know I love apple pie?”

 

“Well, in my defense,” Kuroo interrupted, silencing Kenma in his once in a lifetime rant, “You told me that one, that your favorite food was apple pie.”

 

“You know what I meant!” Kenma defended himself, uncharacteristically loud. He then slumped down, sliding further into the cafe’s booth, ignoring the looks from the customers nearest their booth. Kuroo watched as Kenma filtered through expressions; pained, annoyed, confused, and ended on a sad smile. Kenma chuckled humorlessly, and continued talking. “Even… just now, when I accidently said that I didn’t like you. You knew… you knew that wasn’t what I meant. You waited for me.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Kuroo offered, scratching the back of his head, “But I don’t… I don’t see how that is scary.”

 

“It’s very scary,” he whimpered in response. “You make me happy, that much I have to acknowledge. But… that means you can also take that away, and hurt me.”

 

Kenma half-smiled at the annoyed expression on Kuroo’s face, he could even hear what he would say. _‘But I’d never do that to you!’_ It was predictable, obvious, but entirely Kuroo. The problem was that no one knew that he’d never do that for sure. Neither of them do. It could be an accident, it could be years in the future, but it wasn’t impossible. Before Kuroo could actually voice his protest, Kenma cut in and continued his tirade.

  
“I’ve worked very hard on keeping my reputation. I’ve worked hard to make everyone think that I’m emotionless, because if I didn’t, I would be hurt constantly,” Kenma explained carefully, looking pointedly at Kuroo, staring into his eyes as he murmured, “I’m not a strong person, Kuroo. Everything hurts. I feel too much. That’s the entire problem.”


	11. Risk Taker

Kuroo leaned backward slowly, closing his eyes, and slumped in the booth. He was careful not to accidently kick Kenma, that would definitely be helping absolutely nothing. Many replies flitted through his mind, but none that he could repeat aloud. At least, not at the very moment. He breathed out, chuckling: it was Kenma’s turn, to sit there and be quiet, as the other person composed themselves and figure out something to say.

 

When he finally opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that Kenma seemed incredibly stressed and on the verge of tears. He racked his brain, trying to think how his reaction could make the other act like that, and it hit him. By not answering and instead slumping in the booth, Kenma probably thought that he was irritated by this conversation, or something along those lines. Kuroo smiled bitterly, thinking to himself that the other man would be mad that he’d been figured out, yet again. He decided to stop Kenma’s train of thought before it could get any further.

 

“Whatever bad things you’re thinking about,” Kuroo announced, leaning forward, “Please stop. I don’t think you’re weak, or worthless or anything. Also, I’m not going to break up with you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 

He paused, and chuckled.

 

“We’ve only been dating for today. Funny, huh? It’d be kind of pointless to break up with you at this point, unless you cheated on me already… but I don’t think you did.”

 

Kuroo wasn’t entirely surprised at the glare he received. His joke wasn’t really in the best of tastes, but at least the glare made the threat of tears lessen. That was always a good thing. Kenma huffed in response, and crossed his arms, looking away.

 

“You figured me out again,” Kenma pointed out, ignoring the grin he was very obviously getting. “Don’t smile at me like that, I’m serious about this.”

 

“Well. That should make you feel better, then,” Kuroo drawled and smiled when Kenma looked at him suspiciously. He let their conversation linger in silence for a moment before finally explaining, “You figured me out, too. You knew I was grinning at you, even without looking at me.”

 

Kenma opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, and closed it once more. Kuroo snorted, amused at his reaction: the man sitting across from him looked like a fish. He waited patiently for Kenma to sort his thoughts out, and finally say something. If it was anyone else, he would’ve been bored of waiting for an answer. But it was Kenma, and his patience could make the entire difference.

 

“But you can still hurt me,” he mumbled in defense. It was a weak argument, but at least it was an argument. He felt like he had to say something, anything at all. He wasn’t allowed to go down in an argument so quickly.

 

“That’s true,” Kuroo commented, saddened by the expression that Kenma wore. “I could hurt you. But that is the entire point of being with someone, the possibility of love, you know? Love means giving someone a knife, but trusting that they won’t hurt you. The same goes for friendships.”

 

He tried not to grimace at how cheesy he had sounded, fearing it would ruin the serious atmosphere. The last thing he needed was Kenma shutting down and shutting him out. He wanted to know what was wrong, so he could fix it.

 

“What if they hurt me? What if that’s all they wanted to do in the first place?”

 

“Then you try again,” Kuroo smiled. He really smiled, not a smirk like usual, but one that was meant to calm things down. “Love is not a privilege, it’s an opportunity. You can’t be scared to do something, just because it’s a risk. Think of the possibilities.”

 

“But what if I don’t want to take that risk?” Kenma asked quietly. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to hear the answer, but he asked the question anyway. “Kuroo… what if I get hurt?”

 

“Then you stand back up, brush yourself off, and keep on your merry way,” he replied, sounding suspiciously like a philosophy teacher. “You learn from your mistakes, you become stronger. I’m not telling you that you have to take the risk, that’s your choice. What I’m saying is, I wouldn’t mind if you took the risk with me.”

 

“Must you be so cheesy?” Kenma rolled his eyes, choking back a half-hearted laugh. “But I already told you… I’m not a strong person.”

 

“Don’t you ever say that again, do you understand?” Kuroo demanded in a clipped tone. When Kenma nodded, he continued speaking. “You’re strong enough to make it this far. I see it in your eyes, that life has been difficult. You’re strong, just by living. Strong, for you, could mean getting out of bed even when you don’t want to, so don’t you ever think otherwise.”

 

Kenma nodded again dumbly, finally looking down at his drink. Though it was long forgotten, and had finally cooled off, he drank it anyway. He fought back a smile when he realized it was delicious. How dare Kuroo know exactly what type of drink he would like? Grabbing his miniature apple pie, he took small bites, relieved when he finally calmed down.

 

“So… you’re saying that in the end, love and happiness is worth the risk?”

 

“It is for me,” Kuroo answered calmly, drinking his coffee as well. “It might not be for you, since everyone’s different… but… you won’t know until you try. For you, it might be sometimes that it’s worth it. Sometimes it’s not. It’s up to you.”

 

They were quiet once more, taking sips of their respective drinks, taking bites of their food. Neither of them were really hungry, but it gave them an excuse not to say anything Kuroo cocked his head, and flashed Kenma a silly grin, feeling extra philosophical as he said, “After all, you can’t know happiness without sadness, and love without hatred. If you were always happy, you wouldn’t appreciate it.”

 

Kenma shrugged in response, trying to ignore that Kuroo’s grin gave him butterflies. He always looks so mischievous and handsome when he did his dumb smirk. How obnoxious. Kenma sat still for a few moments, silencing the outer world, and focused on himself and his thoughts.

 

Is it really worth the risk?

 

In some cases, he told himself. He risked being hurt by Kageyama, (and was) in order to be friends with Shouyou. Shouyou makes him very happy, so it outweighs the sadness that can be caused by Kageyama and others. Even though Kenma experienced the pain that could be caused by them, he noted that even though he was hurt, he stuck with Shouyou. Because he loved him, as a friend; because Shouyou made him happy…

 

With Nekomata, his kindness saved him from the horrible people that Kenma had been surrounded by. He thought about the risk that Nekomata could have ended up hating him, or dumping him off somewhere, worthless to the company. But he never did. The only risk that he ended up losing, was losing Nekomata to death. That had hurt Kenma, piercing his heart and bringing back memories that were fading. The one person he loved with all his heart, died and left him to deal with life alone.

 

But would he have rather have never met Nekomata? Kenma asked himself, and the answer was immediate.

 

No.

 

He would have always wanted to meet and be with Nekomata, even if he died after a little while. Nekomata had protected him from people that could’ve hurt him, the insults always coming back to haunt him. He raised Kenma to be a great businessman, a great video game designer, and he was. Even if he was hurt by his father figure’s passing, Kenma realized, the happiness he was given far outweighed the sadness.

 

“You can’t know happiness without sadness,” Kenma murmured to no one in particular, “You can’t know love without hatred.”

 

He felt his wrist being grabbed, and he was pulled to a standing position. He refused to open his eyes, Kenma didn’t know what would happen if he did. Suddenly, Kuroo was pulling Kenma out of the cafe, and down the street. He randomly noted that it had stopped raining, thank goodness.

 

The two men stopped, and Kenma recognized Kuroo’s presence standing in front of him. Quite close to him, almost like a repeat of the early morning. He was only reminded more of earlier that day when he felt Kuroo’s hands gently holding his head. Kenma chuckled when he felt his tears he didn’t know he was shedding be wiped away.

 

“I just had Déjà vu,” he commented, laughing though he wasn’t sure why. He opened his eyes and took in Kuroo’s face looking down at him, confused. He was even more confused when Kenma bopped him on the nose, seeing if that explained it any better.

 

“Oh!” Kuroo’s face lit up in understanding, “From earlier today?”

 

“Mhm,” Kenma hummed, “Although I have to say I prefer this time.”

 

“You’re telling me,” Kuroo laughed. He took his hands from Kenma’s face, and fidgeted slightly. Looking back to Kenma, he blurted, “Can I hug you?”

 

Kenma nodded, and giggled despite himself, when he was enveloped into a big hug. He patted Kuroo’s head, unsure of what the protocols for hugs were. Eventually, after a squeeze or two, Kuroo pulled back and beamed, his face the very image of happiness.

 

Honestly, Kenma felt like he should be thanking Kuroo, for many things. The most obvious being that he believed in him, that Kenma wasn’t weak. Of course, his negative thinking was also starting to change slightly: he realized that indeed, happiness and love is sometimes worth the risk. Kuroo would be worth the risk.

 

He also felt like he should thank Kuroo for being so understanding with him: he knew to take Kenma out of the public eye when he began to tear up, and he asked to hug him, instead of just doing so. He really appreciated that.

 

“Thank you,” Kenma murmured.

 

“You’re welcome,” he replied, not missing a beat. He didn’t bother asking what he was being thanked for, and Kuroo really didn’t care, he was just glad that Kenma was happy. “Do you want to go back to your apartment? It’s kind of getting late.”

 

“Yeah,” he nodded, “That would be nice.”

 

“Mmkay,” Kuroo announced, “But I have to go back to the cafe to get the picnic basket and volleyball.” He paused, looking up at the sky; he just now noticed it stopped raining. “It stopped raining.”

 

The two men started walking, making their way back to the cafe.

 

“Did it?” Kenma asked sarcastically, “I couldn’t tell.”

 

Kuroo rolled his eyes, and shoved him playfully. He didn’t know that Kenma could be sarcastic, this young man was just full of surprises. Of course, what happened next was probably one of the best surprises Kuroo had been lucky enough to experience.

 

Scanning the immediate area for people, Kenma deemed it okay. Without looking, he slid his hand into Kuroo’s, and looked away blushing. He knew they both were smiling, and most likely blushing as well. He squeezed Kenma’s hand, desperately trying to get his affection across. When Kenma squeezed back, he burst into a bright smile and looked down at his boyfriend.

 

“Don’t look at me like that,” Kenma pouted, looking away again.

 

“Aww, come on! You’re so cute when you blush!” he paused, adding, “And pout!”

 

“I do not pout!” Kenma protested, removing his hand from Kuroo’s for punishment. When they kept walking, and Kuroo would not stop whining, he huffed and stopped in his tracks, his partner stopping as well, looking at him curiously. Kenma pulled his collar down, bringing the tall man to his level. He kissed Kuroo on the cheek, and let go, his face bright red. “Now shut up.”

  
“Yeah, okay, yeah I will,” Kuroo sputtered, and ran to catch up with Kenma again. 


	12. Company Cats

Kenma collapsed on his couch with a loud groan, completely unsurprised when cats start to pile on top of him. Though there was nothing specifically going on in his life, he was utterly exhausted. He had a lot more work, considering the holiday season, to get the video games completely finished and double checked. Kuroo had insisted on dragging him everywhere, to see a movie, or play card games, go ice skating; something different every single time. Not to mention that Kenma was still struggling to find loving homes for the kittens. Shouyou had finally taken the one he chose, leaving three to find a home. Kenma would have definitely taken one, except for the fact he already had four cats -- and they were already a handful on their own. But really, what was one more cat if there were 4 already?

 

Rubbing his temples with his fingers, he attempted to shove Clyde off of his stomach. Clyde grudgingly obeyed, but eventually curled on his side. Life had been very stressful, and very, very weird.

 

Every day, coming home from work, Kenma expected to be cornered by Kageyama again, but it never happened. In fact, he wasn’t even sure he had ever seen or heard Kageyama at all. He pondered this for a few moment, before being distracted by the mauling of a hungry cat.

 

“Okay, okay, Lynn,” Kenma answered, “I’m getting your food, hold on.”

 

He pushed himself up, pushing the cats off him lightly. He dragged his feet to the floor, and completed the cat food routine. (He probably could do it blindfolded: open a can, knock it down, pour dry food, and put everything back. It really wasn’t that difficult.) Although he did hate the smell of cat food. Yuck. Don’t even get him started on if some of the food got on his hand… He shuddered thinking about it, but didn’t forget to separately give the unnamed kittens their special kitten food.

 

Deciding he was hungry himself, he boiled a pot of water and made macaroni and cheese. Everyone thought he wasn’t good at cooking, but Kenma knew it was because he actually didn’t cook: he was too lazy to make anything that took more than fifteen minutes. He was the type of person that would eat while waiting for his food to finish cooking.

 

Ten minutes later of tedious waiting, he scooped the finish product into a big bowl, and grabbed a fork. He sat down at his mini dining room table, and unlocked his phone, opening the trivia app that had gotten extremely popular. Kenma snorted when he noticed that Kuroo had lost, once again. He quickly started a new game, taking bites of his meal every question or so.

 

Kenma’s ears perked at a thump and a meow, followed by a chorus of meows. He grumbled and looked up to see that one of his cats had made their way onto the table top. Rolling his eyes, Kenma pushed Colin off the table, “Who said you could have my mac and cheese?”

 

Colin looked back up at his owner with defeated eyes, very obviously pouting. Kenma smiled, the one reserved only for his cats, and stood up to follow the train of cats into the kitchen. He cleaned and put his dishes away, and made his way to his bedroom, careful not to step on any cat tails that were leading him further into his apartment.

 

“Is this what you guys wanted?” Kenma teased, opening his bedroom door. He smiled affectionately when Sugar and her three kittens raced out of the room, eager to play with their adult companions. It was adorable seeing Clyde being attacked by all three kittens, dramatically falling to the ground. Kenma decided that Clyde indeed was the dad, considering all of his cats were indoor cats. It was obvious how the kittens gravitated to him instead of Colin or even Lynn.

 

Looking down at the group of cats, Kenma nearly squealed at how cute his babies were. Well, he corrected himself, Clyde and Colin would want to be called handsome, of course.

 

He made a quick (and unusual) decision, and sat down on the ground cross legged, opening his arms. Unsurprisingly, the cats all bounded into his lap, and he closed his eyes and snuggled the ball of fluff the animals made. He inhaled the smell of cat hair, and his body relaxed instantly. People would say the smell of cats wasn’t pleasant, but even if it wasn’t, it was a comfortable smell for Kenma. A smell that reminded him of comfort and the idea of a home, not just a place to live.

 

His apartment was carefully put together, everything in a certain place, for the maximum amount of comfort. The cat hair that covered his bed, couch, and blankets was comforting. The differently colored video games, strewn around the TV area reminded him he was in a stable job. The different types of meows (angry; annoyed; hungry; whiny; sad; lonely) all added to the pleasant sound that was Kenma’s apartment. The faithful hum of appliances kept him grounded, if he needed a blanket, he had a closet full of them. Every part of his apartment worked together to keep Kenma at ease and he considered it his home.

 

Of course, the apartment could never be his home without someone or something living there as well. A home is somewhere warm and comforting, waiting with open arms. It’s not lonely, and it’s definitely no place for dark thoughts. The home is where the heart is, and Kenma’s heart is here, right now.

 

He briefly wondered why he didn’t sit on the ground more, as he ran a hand through Lynn’s fur. He vaguely recalled that there was a specific reason for it. Stretching with one arm, he pat each of his cats as a sign that he was done petting for now, and started to get up. When Kenma stood up the rest of the way, he watched as cat hair flew everywhere: into the air, stuck on his jeans, coating his shirt, and getting in his mouth. Suddenly, he remembered why exactly he didn’t sit on the ground.

 

* * *

 

 

Kenma decided he didn’t like feeling helpless. Before, he was pretty much just waiting for someone to come out of thin air and take one of his kittens. Now… he was feeling pretty desperate. He needs to find the final three kittens good homes, and quickly.

 

Steeling himself, he continued his search. Which, as of right now, consisted of Kenma bringing the three kittens in a basket to work. Honestly, it helped that he was one of the higher-ups of the company, so he didn’t get very many weird looks from the office. Only curious ones, or even _‘aww’_ looks, but none that were hostile, thankfully.

 

“Hello, Kenma,” a voice called out and he looked up to see Aone. Kenma waves slightly, as much as he can while holding a basket of kittens. He walked closer to his secretary so he wouldn’t have to talk loudly. Unsure if he was treading on thin nice or not, Aone commented carefully, “It’s unusual to see you here so early on a Friday.”

 

“You’re right,” Kenma nodded. He knew that he hardly got to work before 11am on Fridays, and it was 9am at the moment. “Unusual times call for unusual measures.”

 

Aone quirked his non-existent eyebrows, obviously curious. A pitiful whine, and several meows filled the air. “Might those… creatures, have something to do with unusual times?”

 

“These creatures,” Kenma laughed, “Need a good home. I would take them, but I can’t.”

 

“That’s too… bad…” Aone trailed off, eyes trained on the basket. The meows were getting louder and more playful, and he was entranced. Kenma smiled softly, and shuffled the basket to put it on the desk.

 

“Would you like to see?”

 

“Yes, I definitely would!” Aone announced, giddy. He opened the top of the basket, and gasped. Kenma would never get the sound of Aone gasping and giggling out of his head ever again, it was unbearably adorable. Kind of weird, but still adorable.

 

“Can I… can I pet them?” he asked carefully, tentatively reaching a hand out. When Kenma nodded, he pet one of the kittens gently, reveling in the loud purrs.

 

Smiling as well, Kenma said, “Cute, aren’t they?”

 

“They’re adorable…” he whispered, eyes wide in adoration. Aone pet each kitten gently, but equally, and squealed when they climbed out of the box and playfully attacked him. He giggled continuously, cuddling and petting the three kittens climbing on him.

 

“They really like you,” Kenma mused. Honestly, he didn’t know why people thought his secretary was scary, he was really just a big teddy bear. Once, when he asked why Aone seemed so sad, he had answered that no one wanted to sit next to him on the bus.

 

A door clanged open, followed by a muffled cuss word, whispered apology and a swift closing of the door. Kenma looked up to see one of his interns. The college aged boy made his way to the secretary desk and to where Aone was currently being attacked by kittens. He looked down curiously, and looked back up at Kenma, eyebrow quirked.

 

“Don’t worry about it, Yamaguchi,” Kenma explained quietly, still watching the cats. “What do you need?”

 

“Oh! Ah, um well…” Yamaguchi chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. Glancing down again at the kittens, Kenma didn’t miss the flash of affection in his intern’s eyes. He looked back up and opened his mouth to say something, but frowned. “Uh, actually, I forgot. I’m really sorry. I can -- um, I can go back and ask…”

 

“No need,” he dismissed easily. “Do you like cats, Yamaguchi?”

 

“Oh!” His eyes lit up, and Kenma knew he was hooked. “I love cats, but I love all animals too! Down on the intern floor, the whole lot of us love animals! Although, I think the only animals Tsukki likes are extinct, but… yeah! Your company is full of animal lovers!”

 

“Really,” Kenma chuckled and bent to pick up a kitten off Aone. He gently pet the kitten he held in his arms, and walked to Yamaguchi. “Here, hold him for a little bit.”

 

“W-what, no, I can’t!” He spluttered in protest. “He’s your beautiful pet and I’m only an intern, you can’t trust me with your pet! I might hurt him!”

 

“Yamaguchi.”

 

The intern stopped fidgeting, and looked up at his boss. Kenma smiled at him, and pushed the dark brown kitten into his arms. Yamaguchi melted immediately, petting and cooing affectionately at the newly acquired cat.

 

“He’s not mine,” he explained quietly. Aone was getting up, holding a kitten in each of his muscular arms. He sat back in the secretary’s chair, and let the kittens onto the desk. Kenma smiled, and continued, “My cat had kittens, and I’m trying to find good homes for them.”

 

Yamaguchi looked up suddenly, his hair flying everywhere. He glanced at Kenma, searching his boss’ eyes for something. Pausing, he licked his lips, but finally broke the silence, “You are the CEO, right?”

 

“Of course I am.”

 

“I have an idea for the idea box,” Yamaguchi explained with a smile.

 

“We don’t have a -- “ Kenma started, but was cut off by his intern laughing.

 

“Let’s have a company kitten.”

 

At Yamaguchi’s proposal, all three kittens meowed, like they were waiting for the idea of the century. Kenma looked around, confused, but understanding visibly blossomed on his face.

 

“I accept your idea,” he paused, “But who would keep the kitten? And where?”

 

“I’ll keep this precious baby boy right here,” Yamaguchi gestured to the kitten he was holding, a smile threatening to tear his face. “Everyone on the intern floor will definitely pitch in and help out, no doubt about it,” he explained excitedly, before pausing and laughing. “I bet Tsukki will even take care of her, too.”

 

“Thank you,” Kenma sighed in relief. “One down, two to go.”

 

“Actually… Kenma?” Yamaguchi called, and gestured to Aone. He was sitting in his chair, completely content and thinking about something, before finally paying attention to the conversation. “I think you have more than one down.”

 

“Oh, yes,” Aone cleared his throat, “I would like to adopt these two twins, if that’s okay.”

 

“That’s…” Kenma faltered, “More than okay. Thank you, both of you.”

 

“You’re welcome!” Yamaguchi replied cheerfully, and turned to leave. Over his shoulder, he waved and called, “You better come visit us!” before walking out of the room, a smile on his face.

 

“Yeah, sure...” he trailed off, watching as Yamaguchi cooed to his newest cat. He turned to Aone who was still playing with his twin kittens. Smiling to himself, he had to admit that sometimes, the world wasn’t too terrible a place. He made his way to his desk and sat down, grabbing a pen and writing on a sticky note.

  
_Reminder: make an idea box._


	13. Cheesy Seduction Methods

“Whose great idea was it to go to a movie on Saturday night?” Kenma groaned, half-heartedly glaring at his boyfriend. The theatre was insufferable, stuffed to the brim with body after body. Even the ticket line was ridiculously long.

 

“What?” Kuroo defended, his hands held in front of himself, signalling defeat. “I just wanted to go see a movie. I didn’t know there would be this many people…”

 

“Am I supposed to believe that?” Kenma asked, stepping up to the cash register. He looked at Kuroo standing next to him while the cashier came back. When Kuroo seemed to be trying to come up with a witty remark, Kenma mumbled, “Don’t answer that.”

 

The two men ordered, and Kenma held his hand out, demanding for money to pay for their food. If they were going on a date to a crowded movie theater, then Kuroo would pay for Kenma’s portion of the food as well. The cashier came back with their two drinks, a medium popcorn, and junior mints, and they paid and left.

 

“You really got junior mints?” Kuroo asked, disgusted. He eyed the candy carefully, seemingly convinced it would grow legs and run away.

 

“What’s wrong with junior mints?” Kenma demanded, stopping in his tracks.

 

“Nothing,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, “Nothing, but…”

 

“If you want to still have a boyfriend after tonight, I suggest you don’t finish that comment,” Kenma advised, opening the junior mints box and eating one. He really loved his junior mints. Kuroo smirked, but didn’t say anything else.

 

The couple continued walking, swiftly finding their theater and two available seats. They talked about meaningless nothings to pass the times, and then, Kenma was glued to the previews. Kuroo watched his boyfriend stare at the screen, entranced at the variety of storylines, characters, edits, everything. There was still so much to learn about him, and Kuroo was going to enjoying learning it.

 

Taking advantage of the minute break between the previews and the actual movie, they turned off their phones and went back to murmuring nothings. Kuroo decided that the time would be just as good as any to ask.

 

“Why were you so into the previews?” he quirked his eyebrow and asked quietly, for the sake of the other viewers.

 

Kenma coughed, and looked away, “You’ll think I’m weird.”

 

“I already do,” Kuroo teased in response, which earned a slight smile and a shake of his head from him.

 

“I don’t know,” Kenma explained quietly, absentmindedly picking at a fingernail. He winced when it was ripped just a little bit too far into the skin. “I’ve just… always liked the previews more than the actual movie, I guess. I don’t know.”

 

He shrugged, and turned his attention back to the movie that was starting.

 

Kuroo leaned back in his seat and smiled. Yep, he was going to enjoy learning useless facts and information about his boyfriend. He briefly wondered if he liked the previews because they were short and compact, as opposed to a long, drawn out movie. Turning back to the movie, he decided he would watch Kenma’s reactions and expressions as well. Because it’s not creepy at all, nope, not one bit.

 

And even if it was, Kuroo could pull the ‘you’re my boyfriend why can’t I look at you?’ card. They were boyfriends, after all, and if Kuroo couldn’t use that card during a movie, then when would he ever use it?

 

* * *

 

 

They weren’t really… in sync, with this movie. Or with each other. Maybe they were so in sync, that they were out of sync. Who knows, but watching a movie wasn’t supposed to be that eventful, Kenma knew that much.

 

“Stop hogging the popcorn,” Kenma hissed, trying to jam his hand into the popcorn container. He had been trying for the last five minutes to get a handful of popcorn, but his boyfriend’s giant hand kept getting in the way. “There is no way you need that much popcorn.”

 

“I’m a growing man, Kenma, I’ve gotta get my nutrients,” Kuroo smirked, taking yet another handful of popcorn and downing it.

 

“There are so many things wrong with that comment,” Kenma pointed out, sighing in annoyance. Pulling his hand back, he slumped into the seat, defeated. He took a sip of his drink, and turned his attention back to the movie, completely ignoring anything his boyfriend was doing.

 

“Hey, can I have some junior mints?” Kuroo requested not much further into the movie. He smirked at Kenma’s frown, and reached over him. His hand didn’t get anywhere near the junior mints before being slapped away. “Is that a no?”

 

“Watch the movie,” Kenma demanded, not even turning his head to acknowledge him.

 

“But it’s so boring,” he whined, “And you’re so fun to mess with.”

 

Kenma sighed, holding his head in his hand for a moment. He didn’t really understand why they picked an action movie, considering neither of them were really enjoying it. Honestly, he was only paying attention because he felt required to: they were at a movie theatre, what were they supposed to do?

 

Make out?

 

As soon as that thought went through his head, he knew he screwed up. He could feel his face turning red, and the theatre wasn’t exactly dark: the movie was a bright, sunny action movie. Really. Not only that, but he could feel he was being stared at.

 

“If I give you the junior mints,” he proposed, “Will you watch the movie?”

 

“Why?” Kuroo asked, feigning ignorance. “Is it because you’re blushing really hard right now and you want me to stop looking at you?”

 

“I hate you,” Kenma muttered and felt the urge to punch his boyfriend in the arm. “Have I ever told you that you’re obnoxious?”

 

“Several times, actually,” he offered with an award-winning smile.

 

“Good,” Kenma grumbled, trying to keep his body facing forward in an effort to hide his bright red cheeks.

 

Noticing this, Kuroo decided to be a good boyfriend and take pity on him and watch the movie. He wasn’t entirely sure, but he thought he heard a sigh of relief next to him.

 

A little over halfway through the movie, Kenma both heard and felt Kuroo yawn and stretch.

 

“Don’t do it,” he warned.

 

“Don’t do wh -- what?” Kuroo asked between yawns, politely covering his mouth and tried to hide his smirk. He finished his stretch, and of course, like both of them knew, he wrapped his arm around Kenma’s shoulders.

 

“That,” Kenma explained flatly. “Did you have to go and do something so cheesy like that?”

 

“Yes,” he responded instantly. “I have to pull out all the stunts, ya know?”

 

“Something makes me think that you just like being cheesy and cliche.”

 

“You wound me!” Kuroo teased, feigning distress. “Did you really think you were getting some smooth romancer when you started dating me? ‘Cause, I mean, I thought I made it pretty obvious that I totally wasn’t cool or smooth. I’m a huge dork, you know.”

 

“No,” Kenma replied honestly, answering the semi-rhetorical question. “That’s why I knew you were going to do that. Now shut up and watch the movie, people are glaring at us.”

 

Kuroo chuckled, and glanced at his boyfriend affectionately again. He watched him carefully and they finished the rest of the movie together like that: Kuroo’s arm around him, switching between junior mints and popcorn.

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come up with you?” Kuroo asked, a hint of worry in his voice. “I mean really, it’s no trouble. Like, just in case, you know?”

 

“I’ll be fine, Kuroo,” Kenma rolled his eyes, opening the car door. “Honestly, I haven’t seen nor heard from Kageyama since that day.”

 

“He might just be plotting,” he pointed out.

 

“I don’t think so,” Kenma replied, a ghost of a smile present. He feigned deep thought, before teasing, “What I do think, however, is that you don’t want me to go.”

 

“Oh darn,” Kuroo smirked, “You got me.”

 

“You’re such an idiot,” he snorted with affection and got out of the car. Kenma closed the door and watched as the window rolled down. It seemed like a scene straight out of a 60s gangster movie. He took a step towards the car and leaned into the open window to finish his conversation.

 

“Yeah, but I’m your idiot,” Kuroo reminded with a smile. He laughed and added, “Wow, even that was cheesy, I’m sorry.”

 

“You’re right, that was cheesy,” Kenma agreed, looking away trying to hide his smile, “But you’re not even sorry, so whatever.”

 

It was quiet for a moment, a few second lull in their easy, comfortable conversation. The December air was cold and dry, and he watched his breath dissipate into the wind. He turned to go inside, and gave one last wave to his boyfriend over his shoulder.

 

“Call me!” Kuroo yelled, mimicking a high-pitch voice. Kenma couldn’t help but giggle.

 

Hurrying inside, he quickly made it into the elevator and pushed the button for the 5th floor. He shivered slightly, not used to the winter cold quite yet. There were still several months before Spring came, and he was already tired of the cold weather. He definitely hated the cold. The again, he hated the hot weather during the summer, too.

 

The elevator opened and he stretched, shuffling out of the elevator and made his way over to his room, and was briefly distracted by how quiet and dark Kageyama’s apartment had been, and still was.

 

Kenma looked in his pocket to grab his key, and squinted at the ground. He bent over, and picked up what looked like a letter shoved under his door. Curious, he opened the door and made his way inside, plopping down on the couch with a letter opener. He frowned in confusion, there was no return or forward address. No address at all, actually, only a frowny face on the outside of the envelope.

 

He ripped the letter open, eager to see what anonymous letter this could be. Maybe from a fan of the games he made? Or maybe a condolence letter from someone, or a letter from Shouyou. It could be from anyone, about anything. But he was definitely not expecting what really was inside.

 

_Kozume,_

_You know how psychologists are always saying that bullies are mean because of their own problems they face? Well, it’s definitely true. I got irrationally possessive over Shouyou because my previous boyfriend flitted around many ‘friends’ and eventually cheated on me, leaving me worse for wear._

_But that’s not an excuse, of course. More of… an explanation. I just wanted to say that none of that was your fault, and you didn’t deserve all the blind hatred I gave you. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that I’m just as bad as my ex, if not worse, continuing to drive innocent people away._

_That’s why I moved. You might have noticed my apartment has been quiet and dark, but that’s because all my stuff is gone and I moved. I did it because you didn’t deserve any of that, you deserve peace and quiet. You deserve happiness, not what I did to you. I’m taking this time to work towards being a better person, to work towards forgiveness. I want to become someone worthy enough to be your friend, someone good enough for Shouyou._

_I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I can’t say it enough. I’m sorry._

_I hope you can forgive me one day._

_\-- Tobio Kageyama_

 

“Holy shit,” Kenma blurted aloud, nearly dropping the letter opener. He really, really wasn’t expecting that. Sitting there in complete stillness and unsure of what to do, he did what he could do best: freak out.

  
His fingers twitched, half of him wanting to pick up the letter and read it again, and the other half wanting nothing to do with it. For a while, he argued with himself, thinking about all the times he had interacted with Kageyama. Everything finally made sense: that was why Kageyama’s apartment had been dark, and that was why Kenma had hardly seen him. Even if things made sense, he still felt dazed.


	14. Shouyou, the Real MVP

The first thing Kenma had registered hearing was a meow, drawing him out of his daze and bringing him back to Earth. Shakily and cautiously, he stood, if only to move to from the couch to the table to set down the letter opener. He wasn’t entirely sure what the big deal was about that letter, but his legs were left jelly, and his mind left reeling.

 

For one terrifying moment, he felt the tell-tale sign of one of his emotional breakdowns. He willed the feeling to go away, as he lowered himself into the dining room table, closing his eyes. Lynn made her way onto the table, the way only cats can manage, and settled into Kenma’s lap. Almost automatically, his hand reached out and began petting her smooth fur rhythmically, probably comforting her as well as himself. He sighed, both in relaxation and slight worry as the rest of his cats sat pooled around his feet, nuzzling against his ankles.

 

A few minutes of calm familiarity later, Kenma opened his eyes as he noticed the feeling in the pit of his stomach had changed. For a second, he couldn’t recognize how it had differed from the one mere minutes earlier, but when Sugar meowed and pawed at him, the answer came randomly to him. But maybe it wasn’t an answer, almost more of a reminder.

 

Shouyou.

 

Lost in the confusion of the letter that had been left for Kenma, he had forgotten to think about the person this probably affected most. Feeling slowly came back to his legs, and he carefully lifted Lynn so he could stand. He winced and ignored the weird prickly feeling that shot up his right leg, and hobbled to the door, determined to see if his best friend was okay.

 

He paused at the door, leaning on his left leg to lessen the prickling in his other leg, and told himself to slow down. His therapist had told him multiple times that his own mental health and stability came first, and it was unhealthy to ignore something like that. Grabbing the doorknob tightly, he held on tight to keep both his body, and mind stable, and carefully considered the situation.

 

So maybe Shouyou’s feelings and stability weren’t _actually_ more important than his own right now, and maybe it wasn’t _exactly_ healthy to care more about someone else than himself, but they were friends. They were friends: he wasn’t about to leave a friend behind. Shouyou had stuck with him when he stuttered, or when he was unable to express a thought correctly. He even took one of the kittens.

 

Kenma needed to check on his friend, who knew what he was actually feeling, or what was going on with him. But at the same time, Kenma needed to stay true to himself. He had worked for years to get to the point that he only had the occasional emotional break down, or bad day. Even during the bad days, he knew it wouldn’t last forever, he just had to get through it. To get to that point, it was incredible. It took him so many sessions of therapy to realize that his needs definitely should come first, and that he was good enough for happiness.

 

When he realized that checking on his friend would in turn make himself feel better, he loosened his grip on the doorknob. With the door open, he took the first step and all the anxiety slipped away, and at once, Kenma knew he could visit Shouyou. He knew it was okay, he was being a good friend, and he knew how to take care of himself too.

 

He wasn’t a complete failure as an adult.

 

With as much confidence as he could possibly muster, he closed the door behind him and barged over to Shouyou’s apartment. He briefly glanced at the apartment in the middle, now deserted and lonely, and felt something akin to sympathy. Shoving the thoughts from his head, he banged on the door, knowing that Shouyou was a heavy sleeper, and he might have already been asleep considering it was nearly midnight.

 

He waited a few seconds, tapping his feet with slight nervousness and refrained from knocking again.

 

When Shouyou finally answered the door, Kenma let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding: his friend didn’t seem too upset. No dark circles under the eyes, no eyes red and puffy from crying. He was even smiling his normal smile, nothing fake about it, except for the fact it was slightly softer. Understandable, though, he probably had been asleep.

 

Dressed in an over-sized t shirt and a pair of shorts with paint stains, Shouyou stood in the doorway. His hair was completely disheveled, different locks of hair sticking up wildly, and he rubbed at his eyes while he yawned. Although he was smiling, it was obviously that he was caught off guard and wasn’t sure as to what was going on.

 

“Kenma,” Shouyou acknowledged, yawning again, but this time attempting to stifle it. He ran a hand through his already messed up hair, and scratched his scalp. Watching his friend carefully, he smiled gently and stepped aside to let him in.

 

“I’m sorry I woke you,” Kenma apologized as he slipped past his friend, into the apartment. Shuffling his feet until he entered the living room, he turned around to face his friend. He bit his lip, the nerves coming back, before taking a deep breath. “I need to talk to you about Kageyama.”

 

“Tobio?” Shouyou asked, slightly surprised. “What about him?”

 

“Well…” he trailed off, eyes downcast. Coughing, he glanced back up, but averted his eyes again. As if explaining everything, he simply mumbled, “He left me a letter.”

 

“He left you a letter,” Shouyou echoed, nose crinkling. Sitting down on the couch, he stared at the floor hard for a moment, concentrating hard about something. He huffed in irritation, and leaned back, shaking his head, “I didn’t know anything about that.”

 

“Oh. Well. Did you, uh,” Kenma stammered, before quickly blurting his question, _“Didyoutwobreakup?”_

 

“Oh, that?” he laughed in return, slightly smirking when a nod was given. Pulling his legs up onto the couch, he sat criss-cross style and exhaled. It seemed like Shouyou knew that they would be talking for a while. Kenma moved towards him, obeying when the red-head patted the couch, signaling him to sit down. “Yeah, we broke up. Two weeks ago, I think. It was the day you gave me Sebastian -- the kitten -- and Kageyama was a real jerk to you. I vividly remember your boyfriend punching him. That was pretty cool. I mean, not nice, but cool, you know?”

 

Kenma nodded absentmindedly, unsure of what he was really acknowledging. Nothing too terrible, he hoped, considering Shouyou had a tendency of having bad things sound not as bad. He focused on his friend again, and he continued his story.

 

“Well, we had an argument, different from our affectionate, teasing arguments, and I told him straight to his face that he was being a bully,” he described, smiling sadly. Picking at a loose thread on his pajama shorts, Shouyou looked away, staring at the ground. “I told him it wasn’t okay for him to treat my friends like that, to treat _anyone_ like that. I remember being so upset, that I was actually in tears. Angry, disappointed tears.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Kenma muttered, barely loud enough to be heard. Looking up, he gazed into light brown eyes, and winced at the sudden pang of pity. It was obvious that he was still sad over the break up, even if he was trying to hide it.

 

“Don’t be sorry,” Shouyou dismissed quickly, “I would rather be single than be with someone that hurt my friends feelings. Actually… that’s what I explained to Tobio. I said that the relationship we were in wasn’t healthy, and that he needed to fix his own problems before he could possibly be in a healthy relationship.”

 

They were quiet again, and Kenma looked up. He couldn’t tell if he was finished talking, or if he was just pausing for a moment. When neither of them spoke, he murmured, “Is that it?”

 

“Huh?” Shouyou responded intelligently, and glanced back at Kenma. His eyes light up momentarily, signalling that he was back in reality and had remembered what he was talking about. Smiling sheepishly, he finished, “Oh, yeah, sorry, that’s basically it.”

 

“He left me a letter,” he responded quietly, going back to his first point. “It explained that he had moved, and that he was extremely sorry for treating me the way he did. He even wrote that he was going to become a better person, to be worthy of you. I guess what you told him worked.”

 

“I guess so,” Shouyou breathed shakily. He looked concerned for a second, but it was quickly replaced by a smile. Punching Kenma in the arm gently, he flashed his trademark sunshine smile, and chuckled. “It was funny, you know. Usually stuff I tell him never gets through, but it definitely did that time. It was obvious, too, I could even see that he had understood what I meant. He had this really weird look on his face, like realization and melancholy. I felt bad, but it had to be done.”

 

Kenma nodded.

 

“Hey, look at me a sec, ‘kay?” he requested, watching his friend intently. Kenma bit his lip, but eventually agreed and looked up and made eye contact. The eyes he looked into were a beautiful shade of auburn, and were staring at him with affection and caring. He almost flinched when Shouyou reached out to touch him, out of instinct, but relaxed when it was only a soft grip on his forearm. “I will never bring another person into my life that won’t respect you. Okay? I will not date, befriend or hang out with anyone that is mean to you. If, by chance, I do, I won’t let them stay. Okay?”

 

“Okay,” he agreed quietly, tempted to break eye contact. He didn’t, though, and he was glad because the conversation kept going.

 

“I’m sorry I was such a crappy friend. I’m so, so sorry, Kenma,” Shouyou confessed, his face twisted in sadness. But, like always, the sadness quickly disappeared and was replaced by determination. The sun never stayed sad for long. “I promise you, that you will never be hurt because of stupid decisions on the people I associate with. Okay, Kenma? I promise.”

 

“Okay,” he repeated. He didn’t know what else to say. Or do, actually. Averting his eyes, he let himself feel proud of himself for keeping eye contact for so long. Honestly, he was overjoyed that Shouyou had admitted that. It made him feel cared for, and that wasn’t exactly a feeling he was familiar with. Kenma glanced up, smiling, and sputtered, “Do you wanna hug?”

 

“Do you even have to ask?” Shouyou replied instantly, beaming. Pulling Kenma into a big bear hug, he squeezed his friend tightly and felt better than he had in weeks. Shouyou smiled with affection as Kenma buried his face into the hug, but quickly freaked out when he felt his t shirt dampen. “Oh my god, Kenma are you okay? Why are you crying?”

 

He shook his head, unwilling to pull back. Chuckling, he replied a muffled, “Happy tears.”

 

“Oh, okay, good,” Shouyou breathed, relieved. Honestly, he was scared he had said something mean or offensive, but was glad that it was only tears because of overwhelming happiness. He patted Kenma’s back, and smiled gently at him, ignoring the tear streaks, when they pulled apart.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“For what?” he asked, confused. There was no reason Kenma should be thanking him. In fact, Shouyou was more surprised that he wasn’t mad. “All I did was let you get hurt.”

 

“But you stood up for me,” Kenma sniffed, looking at his hands. He hiccuped once, twice, and smiled. “And that promise, just now. It means a lot to me.”

 

“Everyone should be sticking up for you, like your boyfriend,” Shouyou countered, smiling lopsidedly. He reached his hand out to Kenma’s head, pausing for permission, and ruffled the dyed hair with fondness. Leaning forward, he swiftly kissed the crown of his head, before pulling back, with eyes twinkling. “That was pretty cool, you have to admit.”

 

“I rather not,” Kenma chuckled, “Knowing Kuroo, he would somehow hear that, and he’d be cocky for days.”

 

The two were quiet, content with sitting in their comfortable silence. Kenma finally noticed the sleeping kitten, in a small pet bed a few feet from the couch. He had actually been wondering where the kitten was, and he felt relieved that the cat seemed well taken care of.

 

Nothing less from Shouyou, of course.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Shouyou’s gaze darting back and forth. He looked down, taking note that Shouyou’s hands were twitching nervously as well. Without turning his full attention to his friend, he reached out and put his palm on the twitching hands. They relaxed immediately, and a throat was cleared.

 

“Thank you, Kenma,” he whispered, “For being my friend.”

 

“I could say the same thing,” Kenma replied easily, still watching the kitten carefully.

 

When he finally felt Shouyou’s hands completely relax, he removed his hand and put them comfortable in his lap. The duo were silent again, the same relaxed and easy aura. The tension and the emotions were slowing down and dissipating, something which Kenma was thankful for.

 

“Hey, I just thought of this,” Shouyou announced randomly, severing the silence, but not the comfort. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, but are your cats fixed?”

 

“Um,” Kenma gaped, “No. No, they are not.”

 

Shouyou burst out laughing, and tried not to fall off the couch in a fit of giggles. The look on Kenma’s face was priceless, like he was so distressed he had never thought of it before. He looked like a fish!

 

“Maybe that’s why you had a bunch of kittens,” Shouyou teased, eyes glinting. Seconds later, he became unusually serious. “You should get them fixed, though, so you won’t have any more kitten problems. Plus, the kittens that are already out there will have a better chance of getting a home.”

 

“Yeah,” Kenma agreed. Shaking his head, he inwardly scolded himself for being so careless. Why hadn’t he gotten his cats fixed? Such a stupid mistake. He knew that Lynn couldn’t have kittens, but Colin and Clyde definitely needed to be fixed. “I should probably do that, huh?”

 

Shouyou laughed, standing up off the couch. He offered Kenma a hand and pulled him to a standing position. Gently, he pushed his friend back towards the door. He yawned and turned to look at Kenma. “You should write that down, and then go to bed, yeah?”

  
Kenma nodded, answering the question, before unlocking and opening his door. They called out a mutual ‘goodnight’ and the two both went their separate ways. 


	15. Big Storm Comin'

Trudging out of the elevator and into the apartment building’s lobby, Kenma stopped in his tracks. He stared mournfully out of the see-through doors and shivered involuntarily, trying not to shake the cat carriers he was holding. Winter had finally arrived with full force in December, bringing snow, cold, and wind. The light snow outside, though it had stopped actually precipitating, was flying in different directions that made the already cold day seem even worse.

 

He briefly wondered if he should go back to his apartment and get another layer of something, but shook his head: he knew if he went back up into his warm home, he wouldn’t actually leave. It was an early Monday morning, and it was cold. Who could blame him? Plus, Kenma had already gotten all the way to the lobby of the apartment building with Clyde and Colin. Heavens knows that had been a hassle.

 

Mentally preparing himself, he nodded several times and told his cats encouraging words, though it was really him that needed them. He began his short trek to the outside, pushing the door open with his shoulder. A gust of wind blew snow right into him, causing him to sputter and the two cats to meow unhappily. Kenma pushed on, walking much faster than he usually did and sighed in relief at the sight of his car in the parking lot. Quickly unlocking his car, he put the carriers into the backseat and collapsed into the driver’s seat, shutting the car door with unnecessary force.

 

He shivered, turning the car on and thanking whatever god was out there that he was lucky enough to have a car that warmed up quickly. Within minutes, Kenma took great pleasure in warming his very cold fingers in front of the heater. After checking that his cats were getting warm air as well, he glanced at the dashboard clock.

 

Groaning in annoyance, he asked himself once again why exactly he was leaving his comfy apartment at 8:15am on a Monday. Of course, the responsible part of him did make a good point: if he didn’t go to the vet while he still remembered, he would never actually go. Kenma really didn’t need anymore surprise kittens, and Hinata was right. Colin and Clyde did need to be neutered.

 

On the drive to the veterinary office, he went over ideas he needed to talk to Kuroo about. It was more of a check list than anything, but he couldn’t be too careful. After all, they were his cats and cats deserve to be taken care of well.

 

  1. When can Sugar be spayed? How long should he wait after her pregnancy?

  2. Are there any rules to getting kittens fixed?

  3. Tell Yamaguchi and Aone to get their kittens fixed & if there are any requirements (see item #2).




 

Kenma pulled into a parking spot, stopped the car and turned it off. He drummed his fingers anxiously on the steering wheel, trying to remember if he had forgotten anything. Once he went over his list again, and decided that he hadn’t left anything off, he got out of the car and braved the bitter cold. He shivered and grabbed Colin and Clyde, locking the car and power walked to the vet’s office.

 

Through the sliding doors and once inside, he shook his head to get the snow off and blinked at the bright lights, a direct contrast to the bleary and cloudy day outside. Looking around briefly, he noticed Kuroo sitting behind the reception desk, seeming extremely bored and maybe a tad bit annoyed. Kenma shuffled over to him, his footsteps alerting his boyfriend to his presence.

 

“Kenma,” he called out, the surprise on his face easily turning into delight. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here today.”

 

Kenma shuffled closer to him, and he noticed two cat carriers, but didn’t say anything immediately. The young man set the carriers down, looking tired and drained mumbled, “I wasn’t planning to come until I actually did.”

 

“I’m so glad you did, though. Those two over there have been flirting all morning and I’m about to throw up,” Kuroo complained, pointing casually to Oikawa in the corner with a man with short, dark hair.

 

Kenma, though not exactly the gossip type, couldn’t help but look over and watch the two people flirt. Or what might have been considered flirting. Who knows, really. It was kind of like in elementary school, where the guy would pull the pigtails of the girl he liked, and she would chase him if she liked him back.

 

The man with the dark hair hit the back of Oikawa’s head, and Oikawa giggled, looking bashful. Kenma scrunched up his nose in discomfort, that type of awkward feeling someone gets after seeing a couple making out in public when they really didn’t want to. Ignoring the tight feeling in his chest, he turned back to the vet and informed him of the reason of the visit.

 

“I need you to neuter Colin and Clyde,” he commented, pausing slightly as he remembered his check list before adding, “I also have some questions about cats being neutered or spayed.”

 

Kuroo nodded and stood up from his seated position behind the receptionist desk to walk around to face his boyfriend. He bent down and glanced in the cat carriers, sticking his finger inside to play with Clyde. From his angle on the ground, he looked up and asked, “Mmkay. What are your questions?”

 

“When can Sugar be spayed? Also, when can kittens be fixed? Are there any requirements for the kittens to have to be able to be fixed?” Kenma asked, pausing in between each question. He mentally went through his list, the only thing left was to actually tell the others about the kittens.

 

“To answer your first question, Sugar can be fixed a month after she has finished weaning,” Kuroo explained, smirking at the slightly confused look adorning the other’s face. “Before you even ask, weaning is where the mother cat slowly takes the kittens off milk and pushes them towards solid food. Most kittens are weaned off by eight to ten weeks. However, since all your kittens are somewhere else, and she won’t be weaning them, just come get Sugar spayed in two months.”

 

“Okay, in two months. I’ll remember that,” the other noted quietly. Biting his lip in concentration, Kenma mentally reminded himself to tell Yamaguchi, Aone, and Hinata about weaning as well; just in case they hadn’t known yet. They probably would’ve though, seeing as they’re all smart and resourceful.

 

“About the kittens and being spayed and/or neutered,” Kuroo continued after Kenma’s attention was back on him, “Really, all the requirements are is that the kittens should be at least eight weeks old, and weigh at least two pounds. There’s not much to it.”

 

Kenma nodded, his thoughts quickly drifting elsewhere. There was so much to tell the kitten owners, and he was kind of afraid he would forget. As Kuroo played with the two cats some more, Kenma took his phone out and put a reminder in for two months later: to get Sugar spayed. He also wrote down in his notes all the facts he would need to tell his friends.

 

A deep cough and Kuroo’s voice broke him out of his thoughts, and he looked down to meet his boyfriend’s eyes.

 

“I’ll take Colin and Clyde back and I’ll make sure they’re neutered by tonight. They won’t like it, but you know,” Kuroo’s eyes glimmered in the fluorescent lights as he shrugged, “Sometimes you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do. And what you’ve gotta do, Kenma, is go to work. It’s after nine, if you didn’t notice.”

 

“I’m the CEO, I pretty much own the company,” Kenma snorted and rolled his eyes, “They won’t care if I’m late. You said it yourself, I’m Mr. Big Shot Gamer.”

 

“You remember that?” Kuroo asked with appreciation, though it was more of an observation than anything. Grabbing the two cat carriers, he lifted them up and placed them on the reception desk as a momentary resting place as he looked back to Kenma. “Either way, you should still go. It’s your job, and I don’t think you would want to let anyone down.”

 

Kenma stiffened, feeling both angry and upset at the comment, even if he knew Kuroo meant well. All it did was remind him of Nekomata, and everyone he had ever let down. He ignored the familiar feeling of dread pooling at the bottom of his stomach, and nodded robotically in response. Without saying a word, he turned and walked out of the clinic: he needed to get out of there, he needed to go to work, he needed to do something so he wasn’t a complete failure.

 

* * *

 

 

Before Kenma even realized it, he was at work and walking into the lobby. He blinked several times in confusion, impressed that someone could get somewhere just using the familiar movements and routes. It could have been second nature.

 

Finally, after a complete minute of confusion and trying to get his thoughts in order, he figured out a plan. He went to the elevator, and instead of going to his office, he stopped at the fourth floor to visit the intern’s offices. Maybe if he was productive, the pool of uneasiness in his stomach would subside.

 

Kenma looked around briefly, finding Yamaguchi’s cubicle and making his way there, only to stumble and stop in his tracks. A tall, blond guy -- the intern Tsukki, probably, -- was sitting down at the computer, looking at nothing in particular, while Yamaguchi was sitting next to him, leaning his head on the other guy’s shoulder. Music was playing, and Kenma felt like he had walked into something intimate once again, and he did not like it one bit.

 

More feelings of dread, more discomfort, it all started to suffocate him and he cleared his throat, coughed, anything to stop it from happening. The two men jumped apart and Yamaguchi immediately started babbling, trying to explain.

 

“He’s the music creator, you know, for the games. I was just, uh, listening to his newest…” the intern trailed off, looking around awkwardly. The blond intern looked bored, and turned around to continue working on the music.

 

“Okay,” Kenma agreed, if only to end the line of thought. “You need to get your kitten fixed after they’re eight weeks old and weigh two pounds. If you haven’t, you should also research weaning them off milk and onto solid food.”

 

Yamaguchi nodded furiously, as if it would make the awkward conversation go away. It did, in a way. Kenma looked at the two interns warily, and instantly felt exhausted. He nodded again, and turned around to leave and go to his office where it was safe and there was nothing scary.

 

Getting in the elevator, he quickly reminded himself to tell Aone the same thing, considering the assistant had two of the kittens. On his floor, he exited the elevator and made his way to Aone’s desk, and tapped politely on the desk for his attention. Once his receptionist had looked up, Kenma cleared his throat and quickly recited what he had previously told Yamaguchi.

 

“Alright,” Aone acknowledged, putting it into his calendar not to forget, “Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Kenma mumbled in reply as he collapsed onto his couch. He tossed and turned and tried every position, but still, the unease in his stomach would not go away. Instead of worrying about it, he decided to throw himself into his work. Even though all the games were finished for the holidays, he could always develop a new idea.

  
Either way, he would not allow himself to be depressed. He would not have a bad day. Kenma had gotten up early, he had showered, he had been extremely productive and it wasn’t even ten in the morning. No, Kenma was going to have a good day, even if all that meant was making sure it wasn’t a terrible day.


	16. Compromises

Some days were easier than others. Some days, Kenma could fight off the feeling of impending unhappiness and survive a night without tears. Some days, he could ignore the random pangs of sadness that shot through his entire body.

 

Some days.

 

But not that day.

 

When it came to those days, those unbearably rotten days, there was only one choice possible. On those days, Kenma couldn’t ignore the depression or pretend it wasn’t there. He couldn’t go around it, he couldn’t use pleasant things to ease the difficulty or distract himself. There was only one option, and it wasn’t even an option, it was more of an obligation than anything:

 

Survive. Get through the night. It was the only way, without fail, that the sun rose once again and he could continue on with his life once more.

 

* * *

 

 

Even though Kenma had vowed to make sure his day wasn’t totally terrible, he knew deep down that the night would most likely be filled with bowls of ice cream and cuddling with his cats. During the day, he was able to fend the darkness away by busying himself with his work, but the second the work day was over and he had to step outside into the cold, snowy weather, everything went to hell.

 

Whimpering to himself, he stared out at the cold and wished it was Spring already. He missed the sunshine and the warmth, it was only five o’clock and the sun had nearly set already. To make matters worse, he would have to stomp through the snow more than necessary before he could even go home: he still needed to pick up his cats from the vet office.

 

Grudgingly, Kenma forced himself to brave the winter cold and walk to his car. He rubbed his hands together to keep them warm while the air inside the car heated up and he could finally begin his trek home.

 

(He even turned his butt warmer on.)

 

Once he arrived at the veterinary office, he shuffled inside towards the front desk and frowned. Kenma wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about seeing Oikawa instead of Kuroo. Grumbling to himself, he cleared his throat in an effort to get the receptionist’s attention. He wanted to get his cats and go home, it had been a long day and it would probably be a long night as well.

 

Oikawa jumped.

 

Both startled and irritated from being interrupted while he was relaxing, Oikawa looked up from his magazine. Recognizing the blond, his eyes lit up and he leaned forward with some type of all-knowing-grin. He tapped his fingers on the desk and tilted his head in curiosity, before commenting, “So you’re the boyfriend, huh?”

 

Kenma’s frown twitched up just the fraction of an inch from being called Kuroo’s boyfriend. Before the conversation could go any further, however, and become somehow embarrassing, he tried his hardest to look annoyed. The ‘boyfriend’ looked down at Oikawa and held out his hand, ignoring the rhetorical question and instead asked, “Can I have my cats back?”

 

“Oh, sure, sure,” he nodded, turning in his seat to go retrieve the cats, “I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

 

Glancing around, Kenma noticed that even indoors the dreary, winter day had affected the mood. The office wasn’t as bright as usual, and there weren’t any visitors in the waiting room, though if there had been, they most likely would’ve been quiet and restful. He also noticed, as a byproduct of the office being too quiet, that Kuroo wasn’t there either.

 

“Well, here you go,” Oikawa said, handing the two cat carriers to their owner. He seemed to think about something, before shaking his head and continuing with his reception duties.

 

After Kenma set Colin and Clyde down gently onto the floor, he held out his hand once again, this time giving Oikawa a credit card to pay for the visit. Lips twitching into an amused smile, he took the credit card and swiped it, handing it back, mentioning offhandedly, “Kuroo is in the back with a patient. He shouldn’t be too long.”

 

“Great,” Kenma replied without any heart as he bent down to pick up his cats. He turned to leave before pausing and mumbled, “I’ll let him tend to his patients, it’s fine.”

 

“If you say so,” Oikawa called across the room, right as the other man opened the door and left. Slumping down in his chair once again, he allowed himself a brief moment to wonder about what just happened, before he opened his magazine and continued his reading.

 

A while later, Oikawa groaned and flopped down into the reception desk chair, wincing slightly as he hit his head. It was a little after six pm and the end of his shift was nearing, but there was absolutely nothing to do. He was incredibly bored, considering he had already finished his magazine, and there weren’t any visitors or animals to keep his attention.

 

So, what did he do? He texted Iwaizumi, of course.

 

“Hey, did Kenma come in?” Kuroo asked a few text messages later. Oikawa glanced up to acknowledge his presence. Furrowing his eyebrows, he continued, “I didn’t see either of his cats in the back. He already came in, didn’t he?”

 

“He sure did,” Oikawa drawled and grinned, “Detective Kuroo.”

 

Smacking his friend playfully, Kuroo smirked and leaned against the desk. He stayed there for a few moments, quietly, as Oikawa tapped away on his phone. Though Kuroo realized Kenma wasn’t exactly the most affectionate person, one would think he would at least stopped to say hi or something. Maybe something was wrong.

 

Kuroo wasn’t sure if he should ask Oikawa -- of all people -- but steeled himself, and cleared his throat. Once his receptionist looked up, he said, “Uh, this is probably kind of weird to ask, but did Kenma seem… weird, to you?”

 

“He’s always weird, doc,” Oikawa replied, face scrunched in slight amusement. When Kuroo didn’t laugh, he sighed and shook his head, continuing, “He did seem kind of, like… sad, I guess. I don’t know. He came in here, got his cats, and left; didn’t even tell me to say anything to you.”

 

“I thought so,” Kuroo nodded in acknowledgement. Pushing himself off the desk, he walked away, deep in thought, pausing only to thank Oikawa briefly.

 

For the rest of the night, until Akaashi could come in for his late-night shift and relieve him, Kuroo fought an internal battle. He didn’t know whether to call Kenma and ask him what was wrong, or to leave him be. Calling him would probably make him feel weak, like Kuroo had to protect him, make him feel better or something. Of course, Kuroo _did_ want to protect and comfort his boyfriend, but he understood that it was an issue for Kenma to feel weak.

 

At the same time, however, Kuroo knew that he definitely did not want to leave him alone. His thoughts kept flitting back to the night where Kenma had called him, asking him to just talk about trivial things until he fell asleep. It was hard to forget that he had been crying, when it had been devastatingly obvious.

 

And so, when neither option seemed viable, Kuroo did what he usually did: he came up with a third option. He only hoped that Kenma would be okay, or at least until there was a chance to comfort him.

 

* * *

 

 

Kenma watched his cats carefully, a ghost of a smile on his lips. Lynn and Sugar had been worried about their fellow cats, and had welcomed Clyde and Colin back into the apartment with much warmth and happiness. It was cute, that’s all there was to it.

 

Unfortunately, even cute cats couldn’t cure him.

 

Resigned to his night of mere survival, Kenma shuffled into his small apartment kitchen, and grabbed the ice cream carton out of the freezer, foregoing any type of bowl. Before he could forget, he fed all of his cats and filled their water bowl. Eventually, though, he made it into his tiny living area, flopping down onto the couch and watched a re-run of The Simpsons.

 

As he finished his pint of ice cream, he put the container on the ground and smiled gently as Lynn licked at the barest trace of melted ice cream left over. His eyes flitted back up to the screen, feeling empty yet bored as he went through the channels. Nothing good was on, but that also might have been because of his mood. Sighing, he ended up on a movie channel, which was playing some kind of soft, romantic comedy.

 

* * *

 

 

Kenma didn’t even know he had fallen asleep until a knock on his door jolted him awake. Rubbing his eyes, he scrambled to get up without crushing any of the cats cuddled up to him. He stumbled to the door, and opened it without bothering to look through the peep hole.

 

Whoever he was expecting to see, he wasn’t expecting to see Kuroo. He definitely wasn’t expecting Kuroo to come in uninvited, pull him into a surprise hug, and close the door, all without a word. Enveloped in his boyfriend’s much bigger frame, Kenma first stiffened. People rarely touched him, and if they did, they asked him beforehand. After a while, the warmth from the hug helped him relax, feeling a type of comfort he hadn’t felt in years. Memories flashed in his mind and he couldn’t help himself with his eyes welled with tears.

 

If this had been any other night, if it had been any other person, if Kenma had been thinking clearly, he would’ve pushed him away.

 

But it wasn’t any other night, and it wasn’t any other person. Those excuses were the only reasoning he had when he was picked up by Kuroo with a grunt and he actually found himself wrapping his legs around his boyfriend, in some effort to help ease his weight.

 

Kenma tried to ignore the obvious wet spot he was forming on Kuroo’s shirt, he tried to ignore the soft words being mumbled into his ears, and above all, he tried to ignore the paradoxical feeling of comfort and weakness.

 

Time passed.

 

It wasn’t entirely obvious how much time had actually passed, but Kenma sleepily suspected it hadn’t been more than a few minutes: Kuroo was still holding him, with no sign of his arms shaking under the weight. The few minutes that did pass, though, took the sadness and tears with it and left only exhaustion.

 

When Kenma yawned and snuggled into the shirt, Kuroo smiled to himself and walked to the bedroom. He carefully laid Kenma down, tenderly tucking him into the bed and into the covers, barely managing to muffle a laugh when all four cats immediately flocked onto the bed.

 

The two men stared at each other: Kuroo with warmth; Kenma with gratitude.

 

Kuroo watched with affection as his boyfriend rolled over, his breath evening out. He knew that the young man had fallen asleep, within that miniscule amount of time, and that realization only made Kuroo’s heart swell even more with fondness.

 

As he made his way into the living space, Kuroo sat on the couch, and thought to himself. He wasn’t sure what word would exactly describe what had just happened, and so he just settled with interesting. The entire time, even with Kenma crying and Kuroo holding him, they hadn’t said one word. No greeting, no explanation, no goodnight. But, he supposed, that had probably been a good thing.

 

Kenma reminded him of a cat. Only peace and quiet, soft words and gentle touches could coax him.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, Kenma opened his eyes slowly, sunshine attempting to filter into the room. He sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes, holding back a yawn. A delicious smell wafted through to his room, and he found himself subconsciously getting out of bed and following the smell to the kitchen. He passed through the doorway and stopped suddenly, blinking in confusion.

 

Kuroo was standing in front of the stove, cooking eggs and whistling to himself. That wasn’t the weird part: he was wearing an apron. Kenma had no idea where it came from. He didn’t own an apron. Kuroo had not only taken care of breakfast for the two of them, but had fed the cats as well.

 

The scene was so domestic and normal that it physically hurt Kenma to watch. Averting his eyes, he walked past Kuroo and sat at the miniature dining table, slumping into a chair. He knew that Kuroo had noticed him, yet neither of them started a conversation.

 

A few minutes passed as Kenma found comfort in petting Lynn and the soft hum of the different kitchen appliances. Kuroo stopped whistling and was suddenly standing at the table, putting down two plates of breakfast. “I hope you like your eggs scrambled. That’s the only way I can make them. Plus, I added some cheese.”

 

“They’re fine,” Kenma replied. The sight and smell of food had woken him up, and his stomach rumbled. He dug into his eggs, surprised to find cheese had been sprinkled in them as well, even if he had been informed. They were delicious.

 

Apparently, he had spoken out loud. Kuroo was smirking, obviously proud of himself, though he didn’t say anything. They sat in silence as they ate their breakfast. For once, Kenma was the first to break the silence.

 

“How did you know?”

 

Kuroo didn’t need to be a genius to know they were talking about the night before. He was quiet for a moment, picking at his hash browns as he considered how to answer. Eventually, he shrugged and replied, “My Kenma senses were tingling.”

 

Kenma snorted in response, like he thought this entire thing was ridiculous. Which it was, of course. Suddenly, the mood turned sour and he tensed, becoming defensive. He glared down at his near-empty plate and said, “I don’t need your help. I’m fine on my own.”

 

“Are you sure you’re good enough on your own right now?” Kuroo asked carefully, studying his boyfriend. A moment passed. He leaned forward, and commented, “You, yourself, told me the other day that you’re not strong.”

 

The fact that Kuroo was so invested in him, that Kuroo actually cared about him, it made everything worse. Kenma kept his eyes down, staring at the wooden table and mumbled, “That doesn’t mean I need you to fix me, or whatever. You _can’t_ fix me. That’s the whole damn problem, and I have to live with it.”

 

“I’m not trying to,” he promised, his voice laced with fondness and affection, “But does that mean I can’t support you through a rough time?”

 

Kenma looked up, staring at his boyfriend with confusion. Kuroo smiled and tapped his fork on the table, thinking of a way to explain his thinking. Eventually, the tapping stopped and he explained, “I’m not trying to fix you, only help you. For example… instead of carrying you, I’m holding your hand, you know?”

 

A hand found its way into Kenma’s, and he flinched at the sudden physical affection. He forced himself to relax. When he looked down at the table, he stared at the hand, slowly following the arm up to the shoulder with his eyes. He took a deep breath, and looked at his boyfriend’s face.

 

Kuroo’s expression was so full of love and endearment, Kenma found his frown slowly dissolving into a small smile. Someone cared for him. Kuroo had never said it to him, but he knew. Those eyes and that expression, the one trying to coax happiness from even the saddest of people. Kuroo cared so much about him.

 

They were silent for a long time. It was a type of silence that Kenma wasn’t used to, but wasn’t against at all. They were quiet, and it was comfortable; they knew what each other were thinking without having to say anything. The entire setting felt as if they had known each other for years.

 

It was a wonderful feeling.

 

Kuroo scooted his chair around the table to be closer to his boyfriend. Their hands stayed interlocked, fingerings intertwining together. He leaned over and whispered in Kenma’s ear, “You are so strong, you know that? You can be independent, and you can do anything. But I want to help you. I want to be here for you.”

 

“Okay,” Kenma mumbled and paused, before adding, “Then stay with me.”

 

It was so quiet that Kuroo almost missed it, even straining to hear. He smiled, the genuine one that he saved only for his boyfriend, and leaned over to kiss Kenma’s temple affectionately. He knew how difficult that must have been for him. Kenma looked up wearily, studying the other man’s face and mumbled, “You are so handsome when you smile like that.”

 

Kuroo just kept smiling.


	17. A Fair Share of Firsts

A half hour later, they found themselves sprawled out on the sofa. The kitchen had been cleaned thoroughly -- who knew Kuroo enjoyed cleaning? -- and the appropriate people had been contacted. Kenma had taken the day off, and Kuroo had called Akaashi again, and they had both decided to curl up on the couch, under a blanket, and watch a movie.

 

In the spirit of the holidays, they flipped through the channels and ended up watching _A Christmas Story_. Kenma finally felt himself relaxing, even if it was kind of hard to ignore the warm body next to him. It helped that the cats decided to cuddle as well, at least there was some sense of normalcy.

 

Every time someone did something utterly ridiculous, Kenma found himself laughing harder than usual. When the kid got his tongue stuck to the frozen telephone pole, he giggled so hard that he snorted. Kenma turned towards his boyfriend and told him, “That’s you.”

 

“Oh no, you’ve figured out my secret,” Kuroo teased, “I go around licking telephone poles.”

 

Kenma smiled to himself.

 

The movie wasn’t that long, and they had managed to find a channel where there weren’t any commercials. They flipped through the channels again, and it was hard to ignore the amount of couples that were in tv shows, movies, or even the commercials. So much romance, it was overdone and ridiculous, yet Kenma found himself feeling just a little bit left out and irritated. Before anything else, he stood up. Unfortunately, it took the blanket, and Kuroo momentarily mourned the loss of heat, before looking up at his boyfriend with confused interest.

 

“Let’s go ice skating,” Kenma announced.

 

Kuroo stared at him. The expression on his face was somewhere between confused, horrified, and excited. Kenma usually wasn’t the one to suggest doing stuff, much less romantic stuff. Especially if it had to do with physical effort -- ice skating was difficult. Kuroo wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

 

Maybe Kenma was so depressed he was trying to overcompensate. Maybe he had been kidnapped by aliens and his brain had been probed. Either way, Kuroo had a feeling the outing wouldn’t turn out perfectly. He shook himself out of his stupor and nodded carefully: the only thing he could really do was go, and make sure nothing terrible happened.

 

“Okay,” he agreed, “That sounds fun.”

 

“But first, you need to go home and shower,” Kenma said, turning to walk to his bedroom. Over his shoulder, he called out, “You stink.”

 

“Thanks!”

 

“It wasn’t a compliment,” Kenma snorted, rolling his eyes. He glanced at the clock in his kitchen, surprised that it was only 11 in the morning. Turning back to Kuroo for a moment, he informed him, “Meet back here at noon.”

 

“Alrighty,” Kuroo replied, still watching him warily. Something was up, but he wasn’t sure what was wrong. He would just have to find out.

 

* * *

 

 

As Kuroo drove them to the ice skating rink, Kenma picked at his nails absentmindedly and read the reviews of some of the games released for the holiday seasons on his phone. Like usual, most of them were praising the games, adding their own ideas, commenting what they would change. There were some negative reviews, but by then he had learned to ignore them. What did stand out quite a few times to him weren’t actually reviews, they were how people kept starting their comments.

 

_I got this for my boyfriend! He loved it and we play together as a team, it’s a great way to stay together. Sometimes I even let him win!_

_My girlfriend bought this game for me, she said she knew I would love it. Turns out, I did!_

_I absolutely adore the graphics, it’s a huge step up from the previous video games. Sometimes my girlfriend and I will just explore the entire world together, sort of like a pseudo-vacation. We play it together constantly._

 

It really, really bothered him, and he couldn’t even figure out why. The entire concept of significant others had never bothered him before, so why now? It seemed like it was the only thing Kenma noticed lately. There were so many couples, so many people holding hands, laughing and smiling together, so much PDA.

 

Kenma glanced at Kuroo. He was humming along to the radio, the wind from the window messing up his already disheveled hair. Kenma suspected that he was the type to enjoy public affection. He’d be the type that loved showing off their significant other, telling the other world that they were dating.

 

Was Kenma holding him back?

 

The idea kept racing through his mind, branching off into more thoughts until finally the car slowed and stopped in a parking lot. Kenma’s mind went blank, for better or for worse.

 

“Shall we?” Kuroo asked, opening his door and stepping out. There really wasn’t any other option; Kenma couldn’t back out now after he was the one to suggest the date. He took a deep breath and got out of the car, following his boyfriend into the ice skating rink.

 

* * *

 

 

“Damn it,” Kenma muttered.

 

He was sprawled across the ice on his back, unwilling and unable to stand up. Within a few minutes of ice skating, it became glaringly obvious that he was terrible at it. He had fallen so many times he suspected he would end up with one giant bruise on his butt and lower back. The first time he had fallen, Kuroo laughed. The next few times, the laughter died out, and finally, Kuroo ended up being concerned.

 

The only progress he had was being able to pull himself around the rink by holding onto the edge. Kenma wasn’t entirely sure if he even believed that could be called progress. Angry and disappointed with himself, he continued to lay on the ice. The cold kept making its way into his clothes, but he couldn’t bring himself to care all that much.

 

“C’mon, you’ve got to get up,” Kuroo said, flitting around above him, clearly concerned. He carefully bent down, leaning over his boyfriend and asked, “You okay?”

 

“This sucks,” Kenma whined, taking the hand that Kuroo had finally extended. They stood at the same time and moved towards the edge of the ice skating rink. Kenma held onto the wall tightly, glaring at Kuroo who had easily maneuvered himself to lean his back against it.

 

“Wanna tell me why?”

 

Kenma shot him a look and scoffed, “You know why.”

 

“Well, I meant besides the fact that you suck at ice skating,” Kuroo chuckled and smirked good naturedly. He pushed off the wall and skated small circles around their little area. The action earned another glare from Kenma.

 

“There isn’t anything else,” Kenma insisted, yet Kuroo saw his eyes dart around the rink. For a split second, his expression seemed irritated before turning back to neutral. Kenma wasn’t the best at lying, and he knew that. He knew that Kuroo would know as well.

 

Kuroo skated a bit more, seeming to look around the rink for a possible reason Kenma could be unhappy. There wasn’t much: a few couples skating together, a little kid crying after falling, people huddled around the bonfire for warmth. Usually he could easily decipher Kenma’s moods, but today there was something different, if not a bit more complicated.

 

A cold gust of wind blew through the rink and Kenma grumbled something to himself. Kuroo skated back to him, full of curiosity and asked, “What was that?”

 

“Nothing,” he replied, pushing himself off the wall. He didn’t fall, so that was an accomplishment, though he was nowhere near mastering the art of ice skating. Kuroo followed him with ease, skating both figurative and literal circles around him.

 

Kenma tried once again to skate on his own, following what he had been told. Knees bent slightly, lean forward, push out in a diagonal direction. He nearly shouted in joy when he was able to glide a few feet without falling. Proud of himself, he glanced around the rink to show Kuroo his progress, but he was distracted by a couple skating together.

 

The couple seemed to be around the same age as him, and the boy was having trouble ice skating. His girlfriend was laughing and teasing him but held out her hand. They held hands and she pulled him along, instructing how to skate as he held on for dear life. The way the couple interacted vaguely reminded Kenma of his own relationship with Kuroo, which eventually led to the question: Why hadn’t Kuroo pulled him around the ice skating rink?

 

Kenma frowned to himself, subconsciously still proud of himself for staying on his feet. He half-stumbled half-glided towards the wall and leaned over it to collect his thoughts. Who knows where Kuroo had gone; he was probably doing figure 8s and some weird triple axle or something.

 

Stupid Kuroo.

 

The emotion Kenma felt was unusual, he usually felt neutral emotions or emotions along the lines with depression and anger. Observing the different interactions of the people ice skating, he suddenly identified the emotion to be guilt. With all of the couples holding hands and ice skating together, he felt guilty for withholding affection towards Kuroo.

 

He already knew he believed Kuroo to be the affectionate type, and Kuroo had already proven himself to be a good person, a good boyfriend; so how did Kenma respond? He shied away from any physical contact that wasn’t absolutely necessary, he refused to show a normal amount of affection, even after all that Kuroo had done for him.

 

Kenma grew more and more angry with himself as he recounted every nice thing his boyfriend had done for him. Kuroo helped with all of his cats, he listened to any complaints, he took care of Kenma, he knew when to talk and when not to, he even made Kenma breakfast for heaven's sake. Even after everything, they hadn’t kissed, much less held hands in public.

 

Though he vaguely recognized a presence next to him, he continued to scold himself. Kenma cursed himself for being such a cold boyfriend, why Kuroo wanted to stay with him without any reciprocation, he had no clue. Terrible, self insulting thoughts went through his mind. Eventually, a hand tapped his shoulder and he yelped, turning around only to fall once again. Fortunately, he didn’t fall the entire way.

 

“Whoa, you’re okay,” Kuroo said, supporting Kenma with an arm around his waist. He settled Kenma onto his skates, making sure that he was balanced before finally letting him go.

 

They were quiet.

 

Kenma avoided Kuroo’s eyes, knowing that he would be dissected and easily understood. Instead, he looked around the rink, which wasn’t a much better option. There were still couples holding hands, laughing together, and one girl had even kissed her boyfriend on the cheeks.

 

Extremely uncomfortable, he turned slightly, facing Kuroo. He cleared his throat, once, twice, and mumbled, “Kuroo… If you want, we can hold hands. Everything else is.”

 

Kuroo smiled and studied him, before slowly shaking his head. Kenma frowned; that was definitely not how he thought the situation would go.

 

“Yeah, but we’re not everyone else,” Kuroo replied, his smile turned into a smirk. He paused for a moment, his facial features softening and his smile returned. With a deep breath and caring filling his voice, he continued, “I know you don’t like PDA. Or, for that matter, unnecessary physical affection in general.”

 

Kenma smiled softly, flattered by how much Kuroo cared for him. Unfortunately, his thoughts shifted back to how Kuroo still didn’t get much affection and he frowned again.

 

“Well, that’s true I guess…but I feel bad. We’ve been dating a while…” he trailed off uncertainly, staring at the ice.  

 

“Yeah, if it was anyone else I would agree with you, but it’s not,” Kuroo replied, moving in front of Kenma. He held out his hand, tapping Kenma on the head and continued, “It’s you, Kenma. You’re worth going slow for. No matter how slow, or even if we stop, you’re worth it.”

 

They were quiet again, though it was a different type of silence. Kuroo smiled, watching Kenma as what was said finally sunk in. His smile turned into a full blown grin when Kenma started to turn red, and the color definitely wasn’t from the cold. Before he could short-circuit, Kuroo laughed and broke the silence.

 

“Now, let’s get you ice skating!” He announced, smirking and skating away.

 

Kenma briefly wondered if Kuroo had ever done ice skating competitions of participated in speed skating. He chuckled at the image for a moment before his thoughts switched to his own ice skating. Kenma’s blush flared up once again as he buried the feeling of embarrassment as he called out, “Kuroo! I actually would like you to pull me around the rink.”

 

Kuroo stopped in his tracks and laughed, before turning around and skating back to his boyfriend. Towering over him, his nose crinkled as Kuroo smiled one of his genuine smiles, ignoring the urge to give Kenma a big bear hug. Holding out his hands, Kuroo took one of Kenma’s hands and intertwined their fingers. Immediately, Kuroo smirked and turned around once again, starting to skate around the rink and pulled Kenma behind him.

 

“I think I can do that.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Another?” Kenma whined, flopping onto the couch. “We watched a movie this morning.”

 

“Is that supposed to be a convincing argument?” Kuroo teased, clicking through the On-Demand movies. Every once in a while, he would make a noise that Kenma knew meant he was curious. They eventually settled on _Captain America_ and Kuroo continued the argument long-forgotten, “Besides, movies are great. You can’t go wrong with a good plot and good acting.”

 

Kenma snorted and rolled his eyes, but gave in and cuddled up next to Kuroo. The movie started and Kenma mused out loud, “You know…”

 

“Hmm?” Kuroo asked, though his eyes were obviously trained on the movie.

 

“When I first met you, I thought you were incredibly obnoxious,” Kenma explained, nibbling at his lip. He watched his boyfriend out of the corner of his eye and reveled in the fact that Kuroo raised his eyebrow in curiosity. Hooked, definitely.

 

Kenma kept quiet for a moment, trying not to laugh as Kuroo became more curious. Eventually, he turned around and asked, “What were you going to say?”

 

“Oh, nothing, that was it.”

 

“You’re such a great person,” Kuroo replied sarcastically. He feigned hurt and dramatically turned back to the tv to watch the movie. Clyde meowed, jumping onto his lap and Kuroo pet him with hardly any delay. If there was one thing he learned about movie-time at Kenma’s apartment is that he always had to be prepared to pet them at any time.

 

Kuroo felt a weight on his shoulder and smiled. Without turning much, he looked down and wasn’t surprised to see Kenma leaning on his shoulder, though Kuroo was surprised by how much affection filled him when he looked at Kenma.

 

“You are obnoxious,” he repeated, though he had a small smile on his face. Kenma nuzzled his face into Kuroo’s shoulder out of slight embarrassment. With his voice slightly muffled by the fabric, he continued, “But I’m so glad I met you. You’re sweet and considerate, funny and dorky, you’re even kind of handsome… if you like that type of guy. You’re obnoxious, but if you weren’t, you wouldn’t be Kuroo, and I wouldn’t be falling for you.”

 

The only sound at that point was the hum of the radiator and the sound coming from the movie. Kuroo was silent, stunned by the confession. For once in his life, he had no idea what to say. He was so overwhelmed with emotion that he feared if he spoke, his voice would crack and show just how much those words affected him.

 

He was in awe, that’s all there was to it.

 

Kenma, his Kenma, who hardly talked more than what was necessary of him had spoken an entire monologue. Not to mention that the monologue was a confession of how much he cared about Kuroo. He had even admitted that he was falling for Kuroo, he had said that he liked Kuroo the way he was, bad traits and all.

 

Luckily, or maybe not so luckily, depending on how he’d look at it, Kuroo’s rapid-fire thoughts were interrupted. Kenma turned himself so he was cuddled up in Kuroo’s arms, leaning against his chest. The one thing Kuroo registered was how cute he looked curled up like that in his own arms, before his mind short-circuited once again.

 

Kenma pulled Kuroo down and kissed him for the first time. On the lips. A real kiss, on the lips. He blushed and looked away, mumbling, “That was for today, and every day before. Thanks for waiting for me.”

 

It took a moment. Well, maybe several moments, but Kuroo eventually recovered and processed what had happened. He grinned to himself and quickly returned to his old self, the one that didn’t freak out over the smallest sign of affection from his boyfriend.

  
“Well, if I get that every time I wait for you,” he joked, kissing the top of Kenma’s head, “I’ll wait forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, this was probably one of my favorite chapters to write. A big push in their relationship, and they finally kiss! Hooray! I hope you all enjoyed this one, and if anyone has any ideas on anything else I should include, message/comment!


	18. Reckless Happiness

“Merry Christmas!” Kuroo announced as soon as the door opened, smiling at his boyfriend. Passing through the threshold, he put down the present he had bought on the kitchen counter. He turned to face Kenma, not incredibly surprised to see him frowning.

 

“Tomorrow is Christmas,” he pointed out, yawning and rubbing at his eyes. Kuroo had probably woken him up from a nap, but it couldn’t be helped.

 

“As much as I enjoy spending time with you, I have to spend Christmas Eve and the next couple of days with my grandparents. I don’t see them except for Christmas break.” Kuroo explained, tapping his fingers on the counter. “I didn’t really have any other time to see you, so here I am.”

 

Kenma didn’t respond, eyes still bleary with sleepiness.

 

“I brought you a present,” Kuroo coaxed.

 

“Mmkay,” he mumbled after a few moments of contemplation, making his way to the couch. He flopped down onto it, knowing Kuroo would follow him, present in hand. Within seconds, another body had made its way onto the couch, just like expected. Kenma glanced at his boyfriend and said, “You’re lucky I already got you your present, otherwise you’d have to wait until after Christmas...”

 

“And that’s no fun,” Kuroo finished for him, grinning lopsidedly. “What better way to spend a Saturday afternoon than opening presents early?”

 

Kenma looked at him sideways, a small smile tugging at his lips. Turning in place to get comfortable, he faced the man next to him. He finally got the opportunity to look at the present… Actually, it wasn’t even a present, per se: it hadn’t been wrapped. Instead, it was a small wicker basket with a bunch of brightly colored tissue paper.

 

Smiling to himself, he couldn’t help but think that the basket suited Kuroo. It was difficult to imagine him taking his time making sure a present was perfectly wrapped when a basket could be just as pretty. Which, in this case, it was. The present didn’t seem to be random tissue paper mixed with a small basket, either. Obviously some thought had been put into the gift.

 

Kenma reached over the couch to the side table and opened the drawer, pulling a small box out. He held it out for Kuroo, watching as his eyes lit up. This present was an actual box, wrapped tightly with a bow and everything.

  
“You first,” Kuroo said as they traded presents.

 

He nodded, looking down at his basket. Trying to contain his smile, lest Kuroo get any cocky ideas, Kenma untied the bow at the top. Plastic wrap fell down to the sides, revealing the tissue paper and small items. Removing the paper, he laughed. He took each item out of the basket, impressed with the amount of thought put into the collection of … things.

 

A slice of apple pie on a cute plate, wrapped in plastic, along with the recipe. A new box of hair dye, some playing cards,

 

_\-- “I wanted to get you a game,” Kuroo cut in, “But I’m a lowly veterinarian and you probably have them all already.” --_

 

A pair of binoculars,

 

_\-- “Because you like watching people,” he explained again. --_

 

And finally, a coupon for a free check-up for his cats. Incredible, really. The explanations were valid points as well. Kenma laughed again, the happy laugh he rarely gets to laugh, and leaned over to hug Kuroo. He checked the coupon again, unable to hold back his amusement: he got Kuroo a coupon, too. Several coupons, actually.

 

“Thank you, Kuroo, this is great,” Kenma said, “Your turn.”

 

Kuroo nodded and unwrapped the present carefully, determined to enjoy the moment to the fullest. There wasn’t much to unwrap, though, and he was done within seconds. He opened the box and beamed, pulling out a small book.

 

A coupon book.

 

“No way!”

 

Kuroo laughed, nothing could have been better. The book was beautifully made, the front cover design was great. The words “Merry Christmas, Kuroo,” were typed in a fancy font across the cover. He flipped the book open, reading each of his coupons from Kenma. Each page had a different coupon:

 

A coupon for a free hairstyle to get rid of the bed hair. Four displays of affection at any time and any place. Two free meals. One request for anything at all. (In small font below the last coupon, it read: as long as the request is reasonable.)

 

“This is great!” Kuroo laughed again, pulling Kenma into another hug and kissing him on the cheek. “For the hairstyle, do you do hair dye as well?”

 

“I could… but you look good with black hair,” he mumbled, turning his head away.

 

Kuroo paused for a moment, taking a second to decipher what Kenma had said. Definitely a compliment. He smiled, moved by Kenma’s progress. Though they hadn’t really known each other for that long, Kuroo was able to notice their development.

 

Over the course of the last two months, Kenma had slowly opened up, becoming more comfortable around Kuroo. His change wasn’t improvement, exactly, because there wasn’t anything that Kuroo would have wanted to change. All it was, really, was development in their relationship, in each other.

 

There wasn’t much Kuroo would have asked for.

 

A chorus of meows startled him from his inner contemplation. He turned his attention back to the conversation and he grinned, running a hand through his hair. Jokingly, Kuroo said, “I do look good with black hair, don’t I?”

 

Kenma snorted and rolled his eyes.

 

“I take it back, you don’t look good with black hair,” he declared, standing up to attend to his cats. Holding his basket close to his chest, he shuffled to the kitchen and gently put the basket down on the counter. He glanced at it for a second, thinking about something, then rearranged the tissue paper the way it had been before.

 

The basket didn’t look out of place at all in his kitchen. Rather, it looked kind of charming: a small apartment kitchen, with a wicker basket and colorful tissue paper decorating the counter. It wasn’t a bouquet of flowers, nor an edible arrangement, but still looked appropriate in its spot. Finally, when Kenma was satisfied with the appearance, he smiled softly to himself and turned to feed the cats.

 

The entire set-up was incredibly domestic, and Kuroo couldn’t help but feel at home. This was all he wanted out of life. He had a boyfriend, dressed in pajamas with messy hair, feeding Clyde and Lynn. There was a colorful arrangement on the kitchen counter, brightening the room up. He had exchanged presents with a loved one, cheap presents that had made especially for each other. There wasn’t need for expense when they knew each other that well; well enough to make something instead. Kuroo was cuddled on the couch, a blanket thrown over him, the remaining cats curled up next to him.

 

“Do you want something to drink?” Kenma called from the kitchen, opening the fridge to see what he had. He brought out the orange juice and put it on the counter, shuffling over to a cabinet to grab a cup.

 

“No thanks,” Kuroo managed to croak, still a little choked up at how peaceful this all was. It wasn’t a big deal, and he knew that, but he couldn’t help it. This is what he had been missing. A peaceful, domestic life, with the people he loved.

 

He watched as Kenma poured himself a glass of orange juice, skillfully avoiding any cats underfoot. Clyde jumped onto the counter, nearly bumping into the glass, but Kenma wasn’t phased. Instead, he picked up the glass just in time, and pushed his cat away long enough to put the carton back into the fridge. Kuroo chuckled.

 

“What are you so happy about?” Kenma asked, shutting the fridge door. He made his way back to the couch and sat down, careful not to spill his drink. “You look more content than usual.”

 

“Nothing, really. I just thought it was funny, you know, with Clyde.”

 

Kenma looked at him closely, his eyes calculating. His expression changed, as if he knew something wasn’t right. Eventually, he looked away again, and shrugged. “If you say so.”

 

They were both quiet for a long time, sometimes catching each other’s gaze, sometimes watching the cats interact. Under the scrutiny of Kenma’s stare, Kuroo had to fight back the urge to spill everything. He wanted to explain why he was so happy, why the entire situation felt more comfortable than anything he had experienced before.

 

But he was scared.

 

Kuroo was known for being  _that guy._  He was known as the guy that joked about everything, that he hardly got mad or upset. Happy-go-lucky. Dorky. All of the synonyms in the dictionary. Kind of ironic, considering when people first meet him, his dark hair and his cunning approach to any situation caused people to think he was somewhat aloof and smug.

 

Both interpretations were way off the mark. Sure, he liked to joke around, make people laugh, but that wasn’t  _him_. In the end, that wasn’t what all of his personality boiled down to. There were things that made him sad, there were things that made him scared, there were things that made him mad. His feelings got hurt, along with everyone else.

 

So when there were things --  _people_  -- that made him happy, he had to hold onto them. Kuroo sighed. He wanted to hold onto Kenma. That meant being honest with him.

 

“Nothing gets by you, huh?” he joked half-heartedly.

 

The saying  _laugh so you don’t cry_  popped into his head, and Kuroo couldn’t help but chuckle. That was definitely something he lived by.

 

Kenma turned, his head tilted in curiosity. He stayed quiet, respectful, waiting for his boyfriend to talk and explain what was going on. It took a few moments, but Kuroo eventually found the words.

 

“It’s just… this makes me happy,” he started, thinking how to explain his thoughts. A pause. He cleared his throat and began again, “Being here with you, exchanging presents… it’s all so domestic, you know? I didn’t have domestic. When I was younger, my family was in the midst of something like a civil war. My dad cheated on my mom, they were getting a divorce. For years, there wasn’t a holiday that went by without a fight.”

 

“Is that why you’re visiting your grandparents, and not your parents?”

 

“Yeah,” Kuroo responded, a slight smile on his face. Really, nothing got by his boyfriend. “So, the family separated, went their different ways. You would’ve thought they would put their differences aside for their kids, but they didn’t. I went to live with my grandpa and grandma when I was sixteen, and refused to see my parents after that.”

 

Kenma was quiet, going over what had been said in his mind. He changed positions on the couch and leaned against Kuroo, trying to help in some way. “That’s a lot to take in.”

 

Kuroo chuckled, wrapping his arm around Kenma. “Isn’t it? So that’s why I was happy. Because this type of easy, relaxed, domestic life is something I never had.”

 

“Do the cats help?”

 

“The cats help.”

 

They laughed together, cuddling under a blanket on the couch, willing the cold of December away. Maybe the cats knew they had been summoned, or maybe they sensed the happiness and warmth. For whatever reason, Clyde and Lynn ran from the kitchen and jumped onto the couch, burrowing themselves in the pile of human and feline bodies.

 

Kuroo felt better, now that he had finally told Kenma about his family, and was met with no hostility or disdain. They were finally even, both had opened up about their lives, about their past. It didn’t matter what had happened in the past, not for Kenma, not for Kuroo. They were moving forward, both individually and as a couple. Whatever could happen, they were there for each other.

  
He was definitely happy, and this was definitely the life he wanted.


	19. New Friendships

 The rhythmic stroking of his hair nearly made Kenma fall asleep right there, curled up in Kuroo’s arms on a sunny Saturday afternoon. They had been peaceful and quiet, content just being together, for nearly a half hour. Even the cats had sensed the mood and calmed down, hyper as they always seemed to be.

 

Kenma was tucked into Kuroo’s arms, and he couldn’t help but think that they fit so well together. They were so close that he could hear Kuroo’s breathing, his chest rising and falling slowly. He also felt Kuroo shift and he looked up curiously.

 

“Hey, can I cash in my coupon for any request?” Kuroo asked lazily, kissing the top of his boyfriend’s head. He smiled fondly down at him, waiting for a response he knew would come.

 

“Is it reasonable?”

 

“Of course. I’ll have you know that I did read the terms and conditions, for once.”

 

Kenma chuckled under his breath and shifted to face him, propping his head up on his elbow. He studied Kuroo’s face, looking for something to give away the request. There was no ridiculous expression on his face, and he wasn’t smiling like he knew something.

 

It couldn’t be too bad, right?

 

“Alright, what is it?”

 

“Well, as you know, New Year’s Eve is coming up…” Kuroo started, running his hand through his messy hair. It was becoming more and more obvious that the action was a nervous tick. Kenma took note and nodded at him to continue. “I usually hold a party at my office, since we have a lot of couches and tables and some tvs. So… I want you to come.”

 

Kenma looked Kuroo in the eye; he knew the request wasn’t finished.

 

“But…?”

 

“But… it’s a party. An actual party, you know, with alcohol, music, and all that jazz. There’s gonna be a lot of people, and I know parties aren’t exactly your thing,” he explained, seeming more nervous by the minute. Smiling sheepishly, Kuroo added, “I want you to come, but you don’t have to.”

 

“Alright, I’ll go.”

 

“... That’s it?”

 

“Yeah,” Kenma said, smiling comfortingly at him, “You’ve done so much for me, it’s time I do something for you. It is your coupon, anyway.”

 

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Kuroo mumbled, wrapping his arms around Kenma again. They were quiet once more, enjoying being together. Of course, until Kuroo ruined their relaxation.

 

During a random spurt of playfulness, he blew a raspberry onto the back of his boyfriend’s neck, and began to tickle him. Kenma squirmed around, unable to believe he was actually being tickled. How old were they, five? He moved his shoulders to minimize his neck and whined, “Kuroo!”

 

“Sorry, sorry,” he replied, stopping, but obviously not sorry.

 

When Kenma wormed his way out of the tangled limbs on the couch and stood up, Kuroo was surprised. He had been expecting him to relax again, but instead, watched as Kenma stretched, joints cracking as feeling returned to his extremities. Kenma’s foot had fallen asleep, being stuck under his body for so long without movement.

 

“I have to drop by the office today,” Kenma explained over his shoulder, walking into his bedroom.

 

“On a Saturday?”

 

He made a noise that probably meant  _yes-and-I-really-don’t-want-to_ , and disappeared into his room. When Kenma returned, all four cats had piled on top of Kuroo, demanding attention as their owner was busy with something else. Gathering a pair of shoes and socks, he sat down on a chair and began to untie the shoelaces.

 

Kuroo kept quiet, knowing eventually all would be explained.

 

“Apparently, one of my interns needs my approval on something,” he said eventually, fiddling with his shoes as he slipped them on. He stretched his leg out, willing his foot to wake up once and for all. After a few moments of annoyed silence, Kenma continued, “He creates the music for all my games, and the deadline is coming up.”

 

Sitting up straight, Kuroo whistled and smirked.

 

“Why I have to go just to approve his music,” he huffed without letting Kuroo get a word in, “I have no clue. But I need to go, even if it will take ten minutes at the most. Hopefully. Probably. I don’t know, whatever.”

 

Kenma stood up from the chair and grabbed the necessities. Keys, phone, wallet. Check. He looked around, feeling irrationally anxious that he was forgetting something. Unfortunately, that feeling was something he was used to.

 

One thing he didn’t have to worry about was Kuroo picking up on the subtle fact that he needed to leave as well.

 

“That’s what you get for being the CEO of a major video game company,” Kuroo pointed out. He stood up lazily, swaying back and forth. Maybe he had relaxed a bit too much on the couch, but oh well.

 

They both made their way to the apartment door. By this point, Kuroo has mastered the art of not letting the cats escape. He had needed Kenma’s help before, but he was as professional as he was going to get, when there were four cats trying to shove their way through the door.

 

Kuroo held the door open for his boyfriend and they walked to the elevator together. Even though he had picked up on the hint that he needed to leave too, he still felt he needed to provide a reason. The elevator opened and as they left side by side, he said, “I need to go home and pack. Fun, right?”

 

“Sounds like a ball.”

 

The reply earned a grin from Kuroo, proud that the sassy side of Kenma was presenting itself more often. The longer he knew Kenma, the more he believed, deep down, that he was dating the King of Sass. To be fair, the sass was layered in a monotone voice, laced in a bunch of eye-rolls.

 

Still, he felt honored.

 

The elevator had descended all the way, and opened with a ding. They stepped out together, heading towards the parking lot and their respective cars. The weather, though incredibly cold, could have been worse. There was a light layer of snow, making the cityscape pretty, but not dangerous.

 

“I hope this doesn’t take too long,” Kenma mumbled, anxious to get back into the warmth of his car. He stood outside of his car politely, waving to his boyfriend as he left. Once he had plopped into the driver’s seat, to no one in particular, he grumbled, “I hate the cold.”

 

* * *

 

 

A vibration on the side table caught Kuroo’s attention, and he groaned, pushing himself up from his position on his bed. Up until a few minutes prior, he had been dutifully packing, but collapsed on his bed in exhaustion.

 

Why was packing so tiring?

 

He had no clue, but was glad for the distraction. Picking up his phone, he unlocked it and opened up his text messages. He was delighted to see that it was from Kenma.

 

_[To: me_

_From: Kenma_

_Received at 4:53pm_

_this is ridiculous. I was supposed to be here five minutes, and it’s been an hour. I’m hungry and I want to go home.]_

_[To: Kenma_

_From: me_

_Sent at 4:54pm_

_why are you still there???? that sucks!! :(_

_weren’t you just gonna approve something?]_

_[To: me_

_From: Kenma_

_Received at 4:55pm_

_I have to listen to the entire composition of music, and make sure it works with the scene in the game. also, the computer had a malfunction and the other intern had to fix it. I played with the kittens in the meantime.]_

_[To: Kenma_

_From: me_

_Sent at 4:55pm_

_KiTTEns????]_

_[To: me_

_From: Kenma_

_Received at 4:56pm_

_Yes. the interns I’m with today are the ones I gave one of the kittens to. I gave my secretary one of the ones as well, so there are two here. did I not tell you that?]_

_[To: Kenma_

_From: me_

_Sent at 4:57pm_

_ohhh that makes sense. i guess._

_how much longer do you have to stay there?]_

_[To: me_

_From: Kenma_

_Received at 4:58pm_

_dunno. like a half hour, maybe a bit more. I wouldn’t mind usually but I’m starving.]_

**_. . ._ **

 

_[To: Kenma_

_From: me_

_Sent at 5:03pm_

_worry not, fair maiden, your knight in shining armor will be there momentarily! i will save you from the evils of your stomach!]_

_[To: me_

_From: Kenma_

_Received at 5:03pm_

_what?]_

 

**_. . ._ **

 

_[To: me_

_From: Kenma_

_Received at 5:11pm_

_kuroo??! what are you talking about?? …_

_wtf kuroo!!!]_

 

* * *

 

 

Kuroo glanced down at his phone, unable to help chuckling to himself. He had received several texts from Kenma in varying degrees of annoyance and slight worry in the previous half hour, and it took all of his willpower not to reply.

 

Walking into an office building on a Saturday in the evening was a bit weird, but it didn’t matter. Not only was this a cute way to surprise his boyfriend, but it distracted him from packing. Feeling a bit giddy, Kuroo held the package closer to him, and took the stairs two at a time until he reached the elevator. He quickly realized that Kenma wouldn’t be on his floor. Rather, he’d probably be on the intern’s level. Proud of himself for the split second decision, inside the elevator, he pressed button for the fourth floor. He shifted his weight back and forth, waiting for the elevator to ding. When he did, he walked out and began his search for his boyfriend.

 

Fortunately, it wasn’t difficult to find the glass area that included several small cubicles, a bunch of young employees, and the hard-to-miss pudding head. Kuroo smiled, ignored the sound that alerted him to yet another text message, and walked up to Kenma. The interns noticed him first, but Kenma still hadn’t realized he was there.

 

“Your dinner, your majesty,” Kuroo said, taking only a little bit pleasure in the startled jump from Kenma. His boyfriend turned around, a look of surprise and then slow understanding. Followed, of course, by an eye-roll when Kuroo bowed, holding out his tupperware filled with food.

 

“Thank you, my loyal subject,” Kenma replied, playing along and curtsied, taking the food. He took the lid off and smiled. Leave it to Kuroo to go to such lengths for something as simple as food. There was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, some carrots, and of course, apple pie. He looked up at Kuroo and smiled genuinely at him, murmuring, “Really. Thank you.”

 

Kuroo beamed, and ran a hand through his hair to seem nonchalant. “It wasn’t a big deal. Really, I just didn’t want to pack anymore.”

 

Kenma rolled his eyes again, before finally turning back to his interns. He realized that both Yamaguchi and Tsukishima had watched the entire exchange, and he could feel his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Holding the tupperware tightly as a sort of defense mechanism, he coughed and attempted to be polite, “Um… Kuroo, these are the interns… Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, this is my boy -- uh, friend, Kuroo.”

 

“Sup!” Kuroo said, sizing the two interns up. Tsukishima rolled his eyes exasperatedly, but Yamaguchi smiled and waved at him. “Ah, youth. You guys must have a lot of fun being so young and being interns here.”

 

“How old are you, then? Eighty?” Tsukishima scoffed, turning back in his chair to face the computer. Kenma watched the interaction carefully. When he noticed Kuroo’s mouth twitch into a smirk, and his eyes flash with interest, he felt a sudden guilt for introducing Tsukishima to his boyfriend. He knew what came next.

 

“Nah, I’m actually ninety, but I can still kick your ass,” Kuroo joked, stretching his arms above his head. An audible pop came from his back and Kenma wasn’t sure if that was doing anything to help his point. Yamaguchi snorted, finding Kuroo’s joke funny. He winked at the intern, proud of at least getting a laugh out of someone. “Anyways, I’m having a New Year's Eve party, and Kenma’s coming. You two should come as well, the more, the merrier.”

 

“That sounds like fun!” Yamaguchi said, at the same time Tsukishima drawled, “No thanks.”

 

The two looked at each other, and Kenma noticed they were having a silent conversation. Tsukishima huffed, obviously giving in. “Fine, we’ll go.”

 

Apparently, Kenma wasn’t the only one to notice the conversation, because Kuroo leaned over to him, whispering in his ear, “Are they dating?”

 

“I don’t know,” he whispered back.

 

Kuroo didn’t look convinced, but let it go anyway. Glancing around, he spotted an extra chair and pulled it up, sitting down next to his boyfriend to watch whatever he did at work. Tsukishima played some music on the computer in front of them while simultaneously playing a video game on a laptop. Personally, Kuroo thought it went perfectly together, but both Yamaguchi and Kenma made weird faces.

 

That’s why Kuroo was a vet, apparently.

 

“Try a different pitch,” Kenma offered, sitting back down and taking a bite of his sandwich. The same song played again, slightly different, and Kenma tilted his head thoughtfully while watching the video game on the laptop. “Can you make it a bit deeper? The cut-screen is about a dark past, we don’t need a happy song.”

 

“Sure,” Tsukishima said, messing around with the keyboard. The new song that came out was much deeper, and matched the video game better. Looking satisfied, the intern turned to the desk and took out a paper, scribbling something on it. “Yamaguchi, you’re up. Can you make the font on the cut-screen look like this? I think it’d work well. What do you think, Kenma?”

 

Kuroo watched with vague fascination as Kenma glanced at the piece of paper, analyzing the font and imagining the cut-screen as a finished project. He nodded, “I think this is it. Tsukishima, use that mix and match it to the cut-screen. Yamaguchi, use that font in dark colors, maybe a bit more cursive-y.”

 

The two interns nodded, and scrambled to get back to work. Kenma turned in his chair to face Kuroo and apologized, “This is probably boring for you. You didn’t have to come, you know.”

 

“I wanted to, don’t worry. Now, if you’re not going to eat that apple pie, then I will,” he teased, pretending to reach out and take the slice of pie. Kenma shielded his food and stuck out his tongue.

 

A few minutes, a slice of apple pie, and a random conversation later, Yamaguchi cleared his throat. “All done! Would you like to see the finished product?”

 

Both Kenma and Kuroo nodded, turning to face the computer on the desk. Tsukishima put the video game in fullscreen and began the cut-screen. It began with a dark opening, slow, ominous piano, leading into a full on symphony as it progressed, ending with the name of the game in the font requested. The rest of the words, log in, start, options, etc, were in the same font, though much smaller and less fancy.

 

“That was awesome!” Kuroo said, eyes-wide and obviously impressed. “This is what you do, Kenma? I mean, I knew… but still!”

 

Kenma blushed, looking away. Even after all that time, he still wasn’t used to the bold compliments that came with dating Kuroo. He decided to ignore it and instead answer his interns. “Much better. I believe I’ll be using that cut-screen for the next launch. Great job, you two.”

 

“Thanks,” Yamaguchi replied shyly, before a realization slowly dawned on him. “Wait. Wait. I just realized… if this is Kuroo, is he your vet?!”

 

“Yes, I am,” Kuroo chuckled, amused that Yamaguchi figured it out at all. He thought that if they were interns, they wouldn’t really care all that much about the boss’s life.

 

“We have one of the kittens you delivered!” he squealed, dashing off to find the kitten. Within seconds, he was back, holding a squirming kitten in his arms. “This is Louie, and he’s just so cute! Thanks for delivering him, I’m so glad I got to keep him. You wouldn’t know it, but Tsukki likes cats as well!”

 

“Does he now?” Kuroo drawled, looking sideways at the other intern, who huffed and looked away. “I only delivered the kittens, you should thank Kenma for giving him to you. After all, they were his cats first.”

 

“Actually,” Kenma cut in, “I should thank them. I’m just glad I could find a home for all the kittens. I was worried I was going to have to give them up.”

 

All four of them were quiet for a while, with only soft purrs and clicks from the computer breaking the silence. It wasn’t an awkward silence for once, which surprised Kenma. Usually anytime he was included in a silence, it was unbearably awkward, but not this time. He wasn’t sure if it was because Kuroo was there, or if he had maybe made new friends.

 

“Where is your New Year’s Eve party going to be at, Kuroo?” Yamaguchi asked, absent-mindedly playing with the kitten in his arms. “I can’t wait to go! I’ll look forward to seeing you again, Kenma!”

 

Kenma blanked out for a second, trying to process what Yamaguchi had said. Was that another compliment? Probably. Did he just make another friend? Hopefully. He had always known that Yamaguchi was a sweet guy, the type that anyone would want to be friends with.

 

“Oh right, I didn’t tell you, did I? It’s gonna be at my veterinary office, I’ll write down the address for you.” Kuroo offered, reaching for the pen and paper, writing down the address and handing it to Yamaguchi. “It’s getting late though, I probably should go finish packing.”

 

“That’s a good idea,” Kenma said, just to say something, walking with Kuroo towards the elevator as he waved goodbye to the interns. Kenma paused, still feeling a bit weird. The day in general had been weird, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He had a Christmas present exchange with his boyfriend, he had finally finished up the cut-screen for his video game, Kuroo had brought him dinner, and Yamaguchi had said he looked forward to seeing him again. Too many good things in one day threw him off, and it felt weird.

 

It was weird to be happy, after so many years of being unhappy. It really, really was.

 

“See you in a few days, Kenma!” Kuroo said, opening his arms to give his boyfriend the opportunity to be hugged. When Kenma moved into the embrace, Kuroo smiled softly and wrapped his arms around the smaller man, whispering in his ear, “Bye, Kenma. I’ll text you nonstop, promise.”

  
Kenma snorted, and hugged back.


	20. Trivial Circumstances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up for some homophobia!!

_[To: me_

_From: Kuroo_

_Received at 4:21am_

_hey… sorry i haven’t texted as much as i should have. um… a lot has happened and this text is just to tell you to stop worrying. i know you, kenma, you’re probably worried to death. so this is your reminder that i’m fine, don’t you dare worry!_

_i should be back tomorrow (wednesday) so don’t try to miss me too much!]_

Kenma re-read the text for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. The text told him not to worry, but there he was, biting his nails down to nubs and pulling at loose strands of hair. The entire time Kuroo was away, he had only gotten a few messages when he should have gotten thousands of them.

 

Well, maybe not that many, but at least more than he actually received.

 

What happened to Kuroo? He wasn’t supposed to worry, but not knowing was driving him crazy. His anxiety was terribly spiked. Was Kuroo okay? Kenma hoped he was. It was hard to imagine his boyfriend to be anything other than perfectly fine and obnoxious. Also, why was Kuroo even up at 4 in the morning? The entire situation screamed trouble and there were endless questions, but Kenma was miles away and couldn’t do anything.

 

Kenma had sent a reply at around 9am, but hadn’t gotten a response. Just another thing that made him completely uncomfortable. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach all day and couldn’t shake it, no matter what he tried. Nothing had gotten done at work and he hadn’t done anything productive ever since he got home. It had been ten hours since he had replied, and he briefly wondered what the time limit was for calling to check up on Kuroo.

 

Before he could decide anything, however, his phone rang. Someone or something must have been watching from the heavens and thrown him a bone, because when Kenma checked his phone, the caller ID read Kuroo.

 

He picked it up in two rings.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey, Kenma.”

 

His voice was muffled and scratchy, but still recognizable as Kuroo. It sounded like he was standing outside near a bunch of traffic, and for all Kenma knew, he was. Kuroo’s voice hitched for a split second and if he hadn’t been hanging on every word, Kenma would have missed it.

 

“Can I… can I come over?”

 

“Right now?” Kenma questioned. He wasn’t supposed to be back until the next day. The text flitted through his mind and he changed his question before Kuroo could even answer. “Kuroo, what’s wrong?”

 

“I want…” Kuroo’s voice was even more fuzzy and desperate, but the sound of traffic had disappeared. Instead, the sound was replaced by heavy breathing and soft sighs, like he had gone inside somewhere. “I want… to see you. Can I come over?”

 

“Of course, Kuroo,” Kenma said into the phone, gripping the object so hard he feared his fingers would go numb. He had been right; something was wrong and he had every reason to be worried. As an afterthought, and maybe to comfort his boyfriend, he added, “You’re always welcome here.”

 

Kuroo didn’t answer. The only sound through the phone were heavy footsteps and every once in a while, another catch in his breath. Kenma kept silent as well, listening to the uneven breathing. There was a knock at the door and Kenma wondered why people always had the worst timing. He stayed on the phone as he went to go answer the door.

 

When he opened the door, his phone slipped out of his grasp and landed on the carpet. Kuroo was standing in front of him, dark circles under his eyes. His nose was red, but he suspected it was from something other than the cold. They stood there in silence, the apartment door wide open, staring at each other.

 

Something changed. Kenma wasn’t sure what exactly what it was, but it seemed like a dam had broke. Kuroo still held his phone in his hand and stumbled forward for a hug before jerking back suddenly, eyes wide. He stared at Kenma, wearily asking for permission to touch him, and he nodded quickly.

 

Kenma felt himself be pulled into a tight hug, so tight that he could feel his boyfriend’s shoulders move up and down in silent movements. A few seconds later he could feel the top of his head dampen and that was the moment he felt his heart break in half.

 

He vaguely registered a soft thud that came from the ground. Probably Kuroo’s phone. Kenma wrapped his arms around Kuroo, absentmindedly rubbing circles on his back. The strangled sob that came from Kuroo made him want to start crying too, but he had to be strong. Kuroo needed him.

 

They stayed like that for who knows how long, wrapped in each other, Kuroo weeping into his hair and Kenma rubbing his back. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours, it could have been days. All the surroundings were a blur, the only thing that required his attention was him.

 

Kuroo.

 

* * *

 

 

A while later, Kenma guided his boyfriend to the couch, making sure the apartment door was shut. Kuroo plopped onto the couch and held his head in his hands, unwilling to make eye contact. Kenma knew the feeling well: he probably felt weak for crying in front of him.

 

Before Kenma could even settle next to Kuroo, all four cats climbed on top of him, each trying their best to soothe their honorary owner. Kuroo had been to his apartment so many times that he was old news to the cats, they welcomed him back just as they would welcome Kenma. They comforted Kuroo just the same as well, apparently.

 

Kenma watched with adoration as Kuroo scooped Sugar up into his arms and pulled her into his lap, burying his face into her furr. Sugar began to purr and the rest of the cats curled up next to him. Kenma thought he heard a laugh, a choked, upset one, but a laugh nonetheless when Clyde nipped at Kuroo’s hip.

 

Kenma turned to go get his boyfriend a glass of water when Kuroo looked up expectantly. His eyes were wide and scared but Kenma understood what they were pleading perfectly. Please, don’t go. He sat down on the couch and scooted closer, careful to avoid the cats.

 

“Do you … want to talk about it?”

 

Kuroo shrugged, his voice muffled, “It’s a long story.”

 

“I’m pretty sure I’m not going anywhere, Kuroo,” Kenma said, reaching an arm around Kuroo’s waist. He held them together tightly, his other hand petting Lynn. Trying a smile, he nudged Kuroo and joked, “This is where I live, you know.”

 

“Right,” Kuroo snorted, rubbing at his eyes.

 

They were quiet for a long time. Purrs were heard every once in a while, maybe a hiccup or two, but neither of them spoke. Kenma knew better than to push someone if they didn’t want to talk. Instead, he left the discussion open, just in case Kuroo did want to say something.

 

Kuroo had stopped sniffling and was focused on petting Colin, brushing through any knots or tangles in his fur. The rest of the cats had jumped down from the couch, judging the situation to be calm enough. Eventually, Kuroo’s movements stopped and he was quiet for so long that Kenma thought he had fallen asleep. Kenma didn’t miss how tense Kuroo’s body was. He wasn’t surprised when Kuroo began to talk.

 

“It’s just…” Kuroo started, trying to decide where to start in his story. He brought his hand up to his cheek, resting his head as he looked at Kenma. His eyes were red and puffy, he noticed. Kenma scolded himself and told himself to pay attention to the story. “Christmas was… shit, for a lack of a better word.”

 

Kenma tilted his head to indicate he was listening and raised an eyebrow.

 

Kuroo continued.

 

“I went to my grandparent’s house, like I told you, but my mom was there. I don’t know who invited her, if anyone, but she kept going on about how my dad ruined our family. How, maybe if he hadn’t cheated on her with his masculine butch secretary, then maybe their son wouldn’t have...” Kuroo’s face twisted in agony, remembering a terrible memory. He took a deep breath and whispered, “Turned out gay.”

 

Kuroo took a moment to compose himself.

 

“The entire thing was really stupid, you know? Who my dad cheated with had nothing to do with what sexuality I am, but that didn’t matter to her. She didn’t want to accept me, so she took it out on my dad, and eventually, me.”

 

“That’s…” Kenma faltered. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to say _that was horrible_ , because obviously it was, but what would saying it going to do? He didn’t want to say he was sorry, it felt insincere. Instead, he didn’t say anything at all. Kenma leaned into Kuroo and intertwined one of their hands together.

 

Kuroo’s mouth twitched the tiniest bit. Colin finally got down off the couch, stalking to wherever the cats went when they didn’t want to bother their owners. Kenma nudged his boyfriend to finish the story as he traced patterns on Kuroo’s palm.

 

He sighed. Kenma wasn’t sure what type of sigh it was, but it didn’t sound terribly upset. Really, it was more of a relaxed sigh, than anything. Kuroo cleared his throat and began talking once again, tying up plot holes and any other questions.

 

“She yelled at me, telling me how I’m such a disappointment, and how unlucky was she that she ended up with a gay son.” Kuroo’s lips quirked into a small, exasperated smile. He huffed out a laugh, shaking his head and continued, “You know what the kicker is? She told me that I’m going to Hell … She’s not even religious, I don’t think she even believes in a heaven or hell.”

 

Kenma snorted.

 

“Right? So stupid. Honestly, I think she just took some excuses from other homophobic people. They probably get together and have a meeting to discuss new insults. It wouldn’t surprise me at this point,” Kuroo chuckled. Birds of a feather flock together, that much was true. Laying his head on Kenma’s shoulder, he finished, “That’s why I texted at like, four in the morning. I had packed my bags and left to drive back after that. I went to my apartment and relaxed a bit, thought everything was fine and I’d talk to you tomorrow. But it wasn’t. All the insults finally hit me and I got really sad. And … here we are.”

 

“Here we are,” Kenma echoed. He paused for a moment, before adding, “I’m glad you came.”

 

Kuroo chuckled, his heart beat finally slowed to a normal pace. He felt better after his rant, and he definitely felt better being with Kenma. Feeling himself relax, he closed his eyes, nuzzling further into Kenma’s shoulder. Eventually, he breathed out, “Me too.”

 

Within minutes, Kuroo was asleep. Kenma didn’t understand how it was possible in such a weird position, but Kuroo was gone within seconds. His hiccups were gone, and even the swelling around his eyes was going down. Unsure what to do in such a situation, Kenma began to pet his boyfriend’s birdnest hair. He watched as Kuroo began to dream.

 

It felt intimate to be the one seeing him asleep. Usually, it was the other way around. Kuroo would be watching and standing guard for a sleeping Kenma. The quiet of the apartment added to the atmosphere and he began to feel affection swelling up, more than he ever had before.

 

Maybe he was a terrible person, but Kenma felt like he prefered the Kuroo he had just witnessed. Was it because it put Kuroo on a level closer to Kenma? He didn’t know the reason, but he felt like seeing Kuroo so vulnerable put them in a different place for their relationship.

 

Kuroo wasn’t so different from him.

 

Kenma knew the hardships just as well, and he felt closer to him than he had ever before. Of course, it had hurt him to see Kuroo so broken, and he never wanted to see it happen again. But … Kuroo made him feel more normal, more… alive.

  
That was when Kenma realized he was falling in love with Kuroo. It could have happened to anyone at any time on Earth, maybe even in the universe, but it was happening to Kenma right then. At eight pm on a cold December night, snow slowly cascading down outside the window, in a dark and quiet apartment, sitting on a couch he had known forever, holding his recovering boyfriend, Kenma knew he was falling in love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOH SHIT! ohhh shitttt! he said it!!!!!!!!!!! !!!


	21. Small Act of Courage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, a few things:  
> sorry i haven't updated in actual months! i started college (rip me) and life's been difficult. to make it up to you guys, here's a really really cute, fluffy chapter!  
> beware, this party has a little bit of alcohol (because of the new year's eve party) and everyone's a bit tipsy. nothing bad happens, and of course, they're all of drinking age. just a warning, if anyone hates alcohol.  
> THIS CHAPTER IS SO CUTE please cry with me

 

Waking up with a crick in his neck and sprawled out on a couch wasn’t the best way for someone to wake up, but Kuroo had woken up in worse places. Much worse. He sat up slowly, twisting his neck and cracked his back. The past night slowly came back to him. He had went to Kenma’s apartment, they had a heart to heart and then… what? Did he fall asleep? Apparently so. Maybe he had needed the rest.

 

After blinking the sleep crust from his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that he had been covered by a blanket. Kenma. Of course it had been Kenma. The second thing he noticed was that there was an amazing smell coming from the kitchen. He leaned sideways and could make out Kenma bustling around the kitchen, cooking something.

 

Kuroo glanced his phone. Apparently it was only four in the morning. Weird. He stood up, stretching once more before wandering over to his boyfriend. In order not to startle Kenma, he coughed once to announce his presence. “Pancakes at 4am? You’re my hero.”

 

“It’s not a big deal,” Kenma shrugged, “I couldn’t sleep anyways.”

 

Kuroo carefully watched Kenma, making sure to catch any small gesture. Something was obviously wrong if Kenma was cooking something at 4am, and his only excuse was that he couldn’t sleep.

 

“Are you sure that’s what’s wrong?”

 

Kenma paused in the middle of flipping a pancake. He sighed, a small smile creeping onto his face. Flipping the pancake, he turned to Kuroo. Even in the dark of the night, with a hazy light from the kitchen, it was obvious he was blushing. He cleared his throat once and explained, “I … wanted to do something nice for you.”

 

“Oh. Well,” Kuroo stumbled over his words.

 

“I don’t have much to offer,” Kenma continued, turning back to the pancakes in embarrassment, “But I can still try… Even if I’m depressed, making someone else happy makes me … happier.”

 

Kuroo came up behind Kenma and paused, allowing Kenma the time to protest, before wrapping his arms around the smaller man. He rested his chin on Kenma’s shoulders and watched with mild interest as he continued making breakfast. Burying his face into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck, he mumbled, “You don’t realize it, but you make me so happy. I’m glad I met you, Kenma.”

 

“Good,” Kenma huffed, “Now let go, I don’t want to burn these pancakes.”

 

Laughing, Kuroo obliged and sat down at the table. Within minutes, Kenma had sat down with him, putting a plate of delicious looking pancakes in front of him. They didn’t bother making conversation, they both felt comfortable enough sitting in silence. It was weird. Kuroo had never liked silence, he would rather fill it up with random comments and boisterous laughter. Yet, when he was with Kenma, he was fine with not saying anything at all.

 

It was nice, not having to try hard to be with someone.

 

They took their time and finished eating, watching the sunrise through the window of the apartment. All of the cats were still asleep, and the only sounds were the soft hum of the electronics. Kenma sighed happily.

 

He was content with where he was in life. Both of them were.

 

* * *

 

 

_[To: me_

_From: Kuroo_

_Received at 8:23pm_

_hey, you’re still coming tonight, right?]_

_[To: Kuroo_

_From: me_

_Sent at 8:24pm_

_yes. I promised, didn’t I?]_

_[To: me_

_From: Kuroo_

_Received at 8:26pm_

_well you don’t have to come if you really don’t want to. i dont want you pushing yourself if you can’t come, you know?]_

_[To: Kuroo_

_From: Me_

_Sent at 8:28pm_

_kuroo. shut up. i’ll be there.]_

 

* * *

 

 

Kenma glanced inside the veterinary office. He’d put this off for way too long, showing up fashionably late. There were an insane amount of people inside, and it was making him anxious. It figured there would be this many people, Kuroo was a charismatic person. Kenma liked him, so why wouldn’t everyone else?

 

“Hey, it’ll be fine,” Shouyou reassured him, wrapping a welcomed arm around his friend. He led them both inside, the bass-heavy music getting exponentially louder. “If anything happens, we can go home, okay?”

 

Kenma nodded, and followed his friend into the crowded office. Hanging around the front of the office, he watched as Shouyou darted around and went to find something to drink. It wasn’t a surprise when Shouyou was instantly pulled aside by someone that recognized him. Shouyou was the opposite of him, befriending anyone and everyone. Suddenly, his view of his friend was blocked. He blinked, confused.

 

Then he understood when he heard the curious chuckling.

 

He should have known he would’ve been pounced on the second he walked in. After all, it was a known fact he was Kuroo’s boyfriend. But still, he wasn’t prepared for three giant men to corner him immediately. It didn’t help that he recognized only one of them: Oikawa. The other two men were complete unknowns to him. One had slick, silver hair, and the other had wild salt-and-pepper look going on. He looked like an owl with their feathers ruffled.

 

“Ohh, so you’re Kuroo’s little boyfriend, huh?” The owl-man said, looking Kenma up and down. He must be Bokuto. Kuroo had mentioned this guy several times, that he looked like an owl, but Kenma had never met him. As he shied away from the arm Bokuto tried to wrap around him, he now knew why. This guy was ridiculous. He was hyper and really touchy-feely, which Kenma definitely did not appreciate.

 

“Leave him alone, he doesn’t like to be touched,” Oikawa drawled, watching with amusement. The third man, the silver-haired guy, was just bouncing up and down in excitement. His cheeks were pink, too. Why he was excited, Kenma didn’t know. “I’ve met Kenma before, he’s pretty cool. So don’t be weird around him, alright?”

 

“Me? Be weird?” Bokuto scoffed, “Never.”

 

“But Bokuto, you’re always weird!” The third man chimed in, earning a comedic glare from him.

 

“Shut up, Lev!”

 

The group began to bicker, and Kenma felt stranded. He was in the center of the little group, and couldn’t find a way out without alerting any of them. At least they were giving him space. The three men crowded around him, their drinks sloshing in the tell-tale red plastic cup. Kenma blanched, realizing they were all drunk. Or, if they weren’t, they were well on their way. He heard a noise and he looked up. Bokuto had turned to him for some input on something he wasn’t paying attention to. He froze, trying to come up with a vague answer that would work.

 

Thankfully, he didn’t have to.

 

“Come on guys, I don’t need you guys putting Kenma off,” Kuroo interjected, saving Kenma from any answering. Always such the hero. He winked at Kenma, and slung an arm around Bokuto. “I do that well enough on my own. It’s a surprise he stays with me!”

 

The group laughed and easily dispersed, Oikawa to go bother the guy with the dog (Iwaizumi, Kenma remembered), and Lev went to find Yaku, leaving Bokuto and Kuroo with him.

 

“I never formally introduced you two, did I?” Kuroo asked no one in particular, before continuing, “Anyway, Kou, this is Kenma. Kenma, this is Koutarou Bokuto. He’s my best friend and partner in crime.”

 

“Oh, joy,” Kenma said, causing Kuroo to laugh. Bokuto just raised his eyebrows and turned to whisper something in Kuroo’s ear. Kenma tensed. He hated whispering. When Bokuto looked at him and laughed, he tried not to feel anxious. So what if they were whispering? It didn’t mean anything. He told himself to relax, New Year’s Eve wasn’t the time to be irrationally anxious.

 

Bokuto smiled mischievously and left. Kuroo ran a hand through his hair and stepped forward, “Sorry about him. He’s just excited that I finally got a boyfriend that I’m serious about and he’s trying to embarrass me. Though I do that well enough by myself. He’s also, uh, protective in his … own way, I guess.”

 

Kenma smiled slightly and nodded, feeling his anxiety slowly melt away. That explains the whispers. It wasn’t anything bad, like he knew, but it still felt better to be told rather than wonder about it. Kuroo opened his arms, asking for a hug, and when Kenma nodded, Kuroo grinned and scooped him up into a big hug.

 

“I’m glad you came,” he murmured into Kenma’s hair.

 

Kenma huffed out a chuckle, burying his face into Kuroo’s jacket. He shook his head and said, “It’s your coupon, you know. I definitely didn’t come for you or anything.”

 

Kuroo laughed, finally releasing his boyfriend from the hug. He slipped his hand into Kenma’s and grinned when he didn’t pull away. Squeezing once, he pulled him into the fray of the party without any resistance. For once, Kenma didn’t seem reluctant to be surrounded by people.

 

Maybe it had to do with the fact that Kuroo was there.

 

Just maybe.

 

The couple walked around together for a while, Kuroo showing Kenma everything he knew already. All of the TVs were changed to _New Year’s Rockin’ Eve_ , a countdown to New Year’s. The timer in the corner of the screen said there was a little over an hour left to go. It was muted, of course. Even if it wasn’t, the music was so loud it would have drowned the sound out anyways.

 

There was several speakers located around the veterinary office. In the corner, by the reception desk was a table with a bunch of drinks. Alcoholic ones included. There were cups and bottles everywhere, along with misplaced bags of chips. The chairs were pushed to the walls, leaving a wide area for dancers.

 

“How long have you been throwing this party?” Kenma asked Kuroo as he poured himself a sprite with (maybe) a little bit of vodka. He told himself it was okay. Just a way to help get him through the night.

 

“Since I got the office to myself. So only two years, this would be the third one,” Kuroo answered. He had gotten himself a beer. Kenma wrinkled his nose. Out of all the alcohol, Kenma thought beer was the worst.

 

They sat down on one of the couches on the wall and watched everyone else. They talked and they drank. They drank and they talked. After a while, Kenma found himself curled up under Kuroo’s arm. He also felt a little tipsy.

 

(He never was good at holding his alcohol. One reason he didn’t like drinking. The other was the crash after the high. He felt more depressed after he drank than if he had stuck with a soda. But he didn’t tell people that. He just said ‘no thank you’ and went along with his life.)

 

Kuroo, on the other hand, seemed to be perfectly fine. Kenma wondered what type of drunk Kuroo would be. He thought about it for a minute and decided, with ease, that he would be a cuddly drunk. His point was proven when Kuroo snuggled closer to him and mumbled, “You look extra cute tonight.”

 

“Thanks,” Kenma said, blushing slightly. He wondered again if he’d ever get used to compliments. He hoped not.

 

Suddenly, Kuroo stood. Kenma felt himself lean against air and caught himself. He looked up at his boyfriend, and when he saw the puppy eyes and a grin, he knew what was happening. Kuroo held out his hand and bowed.

 

“May I have this dance?”

 

Admittedly, it sounded more romantic than it actually was. A loud, bass-heavy dubstep sound was blasting from the speakers. Kuroo was tipsy and his bow was kind of slouched. There would be no room on the dance floor to be comfortable. People would be in Kenma’s personal space.

 

And yet, Kenma found himself taking Kuroo’s hand.

 

He was pulled up and out onto the dance floor, while Kuroo expertly dodged people to find them a relatively open space. (Of course, it wouldn’t stay open, but it’s the thought that counts.) Kenma glanced at the timer on the TVs, surprised that there was only twenty minutes left until New Years.

 

The song ended, but was replaced by an equally loud, but different thumping song, and everyone around them began to jump. Everything was in slow motion and fast paced at the same time. He didn’t understand how. It didn’t matter, because Kuroo was standing in front of him with an expectant look on his face.

 

And so, they began to dance.

 

They danced.

 

And they danced.

 

And they danced.

 

Even with the bass of the music giving him a headache, even with the office filled to the brim with people and their sweaty bodies, even though it was hot inside and freezing outside, and even though Kenma hated parties, he couldn’t bring himself to hate it there. Not while Kuroo was still holding his hand, while Kuroo was pulling him closer, while Kuroo’s arm snaked around his waist and they danced together.

 

Kenma felt the music inside of himself. Like the bass was his own heartbeat, it was that loud. It was thrumming through his body, lifting him higher and higher. He danced with Kuroo for what seemed like ages.

 

When he looked around, he saw Shouyou break dancing in the middle of the crowd. He saw Yamaguchi and Tsukishima in the corner, half dancing and half laughing at everyone else. He saw Oikawa grinding on Iwaizumi who was turning red, but wasn’t doing anything to stop him. He saw more people he recognized, both from the vet offices and his offices. They were all laughing and smiling, having the best time. They were all happy.

 

Kenma threw his head back and laughed. A bright, life-changing laugh. Kuroo lifted an eyebrow in curiosity, yet he seemed pleased at the same time. Kenma had the worst migraine he’d probably ever had, and he was sweating like a pig, but he didn’t care.

 

He was happy.

 

He was happy, and suddenly, people around them were yelling. They were yelling numbers. Counting down to New Year’s. On the TV, the timer was counting down from thirty seconds. The music was turned down, if only to hear people screaming.

 

Kenma heard someone yell _twenty-three!_ too early and people laughed.

 

He saw Aone from across the crowd, the crowd yelling _twenty-one!_ while he waved.

 

Kuroo gazed at him fondly, mouthing _nineteen!_ with the rest of the group.

 

Bokuto jumped on Kuroo’s back, hooting _fifteen!_ and laughing, falling down.

 

Oikawa punched Kenma in the arm lightly, shrieking _ten!_ and running away.

 

Yamaguchi had bounded over to Kenma out of nowhere, shouting _seven!_ and disappearing again.

 

Shouyou appeared and hugged Kenma, whispering _four!_ into his ear.

 

All of the people he knew and cared about were there, counting down to the New Year. Everyone he loved. Kenma never thought he’d have this many friends. He never thought he’d go to a party like this willingly. He had always thought he’d grow old on his own, with his cats as his only company. The crazy cat-lady-man-person. Even Shouyou, his only friend, had other friends than him. But Kuroo?

 

Kuroo, the man that he allowed in his personal space. Kuroo, the veterinary that told him Sugar was perfectly healthy, besides being pregnant. Kuroo, the dorky, completely infuriating guy he was dating.

 

The person in front of him, right then, staring into Kenma’s eyes as he counted down with everyone in the office. _Three! Two! One!_ The person, instead of screaming _Happy New Year!_ at the top of his lungs like everyone else, just watched Kenma with a soft, content smile.

 

Kenma huffed and stepped forward, fueled by the incredible emotions all around him, and probably a little by the alcohol. He grabbed Kuroo’s shirt and pulled him down, kissing him full on the lips. A hand went around his neck, pulling him closer to Kuroo. They kissed, the sounds from the party drowned out by Kenma’s heartbeat. Kuroo grinned into the kiss, causing Kenma to laugh and break the kiss.

 

“Happy New Year, Kuroo,” Kenma said, blushing and looking away. Now the embarrassment had caught up, but at least he was brave enough for a kiss in the first place. For years, he had seen movies and tv shows that glorified the New Year’s Eve kiss. Now he knew. An accomplishment, if he did say so himself.

  
“Happy New Year, Kenma,” Kuroo repeated. He pulled Kenma into a big bear hug, kissing him on top of his head. They stayed in the hug for a long time, swaying back and forth to the music. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> their second kiss... im gonna cry... they grow up so fast


	22. 15 Minutes Late with Starbucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up for minor panic attack
> 
> i feel like i'm always apologizing for my chapters being late.  
> again, i'm sorry for this being late, but there's only a few chapters left.  
> will i ever finish this fic ??? who knows maybe by 2020

 

 

A brand new year.

 

New Years had come and gone, leaving Kenma with a bunch of memories he was sure he didn’t want to forget. He had a wonderful time, he was surprised at how much fun he had at a party he hadn’t even been sure he wanted to go to.

 

Feeding his cats, he allowed himself a moment to reminisce.

 

After he had gathered the courage up to kiss Kuroo, Shouyou had came up to him to give him a hug. After the hug, he then dragged him around the vet office. Kenma had seen so many people he recognized, he had no clue how they all decided to show up to Kuroo’s party. Shouyou had gotten him a water when Kuroo joined them again. The curiosity got the better of Kenma and he asked, “How did all these people know to come to the party?”

 

Kuroo laughed and pointed to the front of the office. On a wide see-through window, a huge flyer was posted there, saying that there was a New Year’s Party and that it was open to everyone. Next to Kenma, Shouyou had gasped and said, “Did Yachi make that?! She had told me someone had asked her to make a flyer like that!”

 

“Yup, she made the flyer! But I don’t think she’s here today. Something about a quiet night with her girlfriend?” Kuroo had answered. Shouyou gasped again and darted off, yelling about Yamaguchi and _how dare he not tell him that Yachi wasn’t coming!_ Kenma’s gaze followed him for a while, watching him tackle Yamaguchi and be yelled at by Tsukishima.

 

He was distracted when Kuroo slipped a hand into his, and squeezed lightly. Kenma had blushed, but now that he thought about it, he doubted it would have been noticeable. There was too much other things going on at once, he was surprised he hadn’t gotten motion sickness. Bokuto and Oikawa had been running around, causing trouble, and there were people making out every way he looked.

 

Kuroo had led him to a couch and sat down with him, and they cuddled up together. They talked for the rest of the night. People filtered in and out, but by around 3am, most of them had left, going to wherever people went after a party. Kenma didn’t know. He didn’t really care, either. He was drifting off to sleep in Kuroo’s arms. The last thing he remembered before falling asleep completely was a kiss on his forehead.

 

Scratching Clyde behind his ear, Kenma decided all in all, it wasn’t a total horrible experience. He knew he’d never be a party person, or completely charismatic like Kuroo, but he had been happy. That’s all that really mattered. He had also kissed Kuroo, which was definitely a big step. Even now as he remembered it, his cheeks burned.

 

Kenma shook himself out of the past with a huff. There were other things rather than reminiscing that he should be doing. Like actually going to work, for example. The office had been closed for New Year’s, but had re-opened on the following Monday. Kenma hadn’t gone to work. He didn’t go on Tuesday, either. Now it was Wednesday, and he thought he had done a sufficient amount of reminiscing. The time had finally come to be a normal, working adult, once more.

 

Thankfully, the night before, he had slept wonderfully. He woke up early in the morning, entirely rested, a rare occurrence. By the time he had completed his morning routine and began to fed his cats, it was still early enough to get some coffee and pastries from the cafe near his work.

 

“Bye guys, don’t get into too much trouble,” he told his cats, who dutifully meowed back at him. Kenma smiled and pocketed his keys after making sure his door was locked. When he stepped outside, it was bright and sunny, maybe even a bit warm for a January morning. Everything pointed to a good day.

 

He should have known.

 

Every time that he has a great day, something happens. Something always happens, making his day turn out shitty, or just plain weird. Today was option number three: weird _and_ shitty.

 

When he had visited the cafe, he hadn’t noticed. When he had sat down to eat his muffin and drink his coffee before work, he hadn’t noticed. Only when he was leaving and the door was held open for him, did he notice.

 

“Thanks,” Kenma said politely, not making eye contact with the man who held the door open. The man made some type of _you’re welcome_ or _no problem_ type of noise. Kenma recognized the sounds. He looked up, and sure enough, his day was flipped upside down. He choked on air, and said nothing. Then, almost as an observation, “Kageyama.”

 

“Oh, uh, hi, um, Kenma,” Kageyama stumbled over his words. Startled, he let go of the door and it hit the next person leaving. He muttered out a quick sorry, his cheeks red and turned to walk away. Kenma had walked the same way, needing to go that way to get to work.

 

They stayed like that for a minute at most: Kageyama trailing behind Kenma at a safe length. Unfortunately, the only thing more awkward than walking together was him walking behind at the same pace. Sighing, Kenma slowed his pace and allowed Kageyama to catch up with him.

 

Kageyama stared at him. He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up. It seemed like he was on the verge of saying something important, but he never did. Instead, a quick smile, and some small talk.

 

They talked. About the weather, how it’s a beautiful day for the beginning of January. Kenma’s job. The holidays. How family had come over. Everything was simple. It was actually not as horrifying as talking to Kageyama as he had expected. Sure, he was a bit intense, but that was just … him. Kenma could almost forget how rude he had been.

 

Almost.

 

Kenma was a forgiving person, but he never forgets. If someone does anything to hurt him, that stays with him the rest of his life. He noticed things too much; always over analyzing. He forgives, but doesn’t forget. It’s hard to open up to someone that had already hurt you once.

 

Next to him, Kageyama pulled at a loose thread on his coat. The string stretched out for a while, and finally broke. Kenma, in the back of his mind, noticed that Kageyama was walking slower to match his pace. He watched Kageyama for a while, having an internal conflict.

 

Eventually, Kageyama cleared his throat, “Um. I just wanted to say. That. Um. I’m sorry.”

 

Tilting his head slightly, Kenma looked at the other man. He even made eye contact, but looked away quickly. Kageyama was actually sincere, and his eyes showed it. Kenma stopped walking and stood off to the side, taking several deep breaths.

 

“Actually, I never really hated you,” Kageyama admitted, playing with another loose thread. He stood next to Kenma, a reasonable ways away, avoiding eye contact. “I never hated you. I was insecure and jealous. I’m … I’m really sorry, you know. Really --”

 

“I do know,” Kenma said brusquely, if only to stop the apologizing. This was too much. Suddenly, it was loud, he couldn’t hear anything. Scuffling noises came from Kageyama’s shoes. Cars honked and people yelled. There was music coming from the store they had stopped in front of. He couldn’t hear himself. His heart rate began to slowly rise. It was hard to breathe, to concentrate on anything at all.

 

_No, not here, not now. Please … not with Kageyama._

 

There was rushing in his ears, but somehow he could still hear Kageyama’s voice. He was distant, far away, but Kenma heard him. “What can I do to help?”

 

“It’s … loud.”

 

Kenma tried to focus himself, noticing everything around him. Kageyama, next to him. There was a small antique shop, with another shop next to it. It wasn’t too cold. Kageyama, again, digging through his bag. A potted plant on the front step of the antique shop. People passing him. Kageyama, a third time, holding his headphones out.

 

“Noise canceling headphones.”

 

He took the headphones from Kageyama and put them on. Counted one through ten. Again. His heart rate went down, and the rushing quieted. One through ten. Finally, his breathing evened out, and the world’s sounds were normal again.

 

“Thanks,” Kenma said a few minutes later. He took the headphones off and gave them back to Kageyama. Kenma began to walk again, and was surprised when Kageyama followed him. With those long legs of his, Kageyama had caught up with him easily.

 

They walked the rest of the way to Kenma’s office in mutual silence. At the entrance to the lobby, Kageyama reached a hand out to stop Kenma, but yanked his hand back. He coughed awkwardly and instead called out, “Kenma!”

 

Kenma turned around. He wasn’t sure what more they could say to each other. With one last calming breath, he asked, “What?”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

Kageyama shuffled around and avoided eye contact. Kenma watched him for a long time, until he finally gathered the courage to finish his thought. He cleared his throat. Once, twice. “Thank you for letting me apologize.”

 

Kenma raised his eyebrows. That was not what he had been expecting. At all. For a second, he didn’t know what to do. His lips twitched up into a smile, and he shook his head to himself. Looking up, he smiled at Kageyama, who finally smiled back. He actually looked sweet when he smiled. Kenma turned away and walked into his office. Over his shoulder, he said, “Bye, Kageyama.”

 

“Bye, Kenma.”

 

* * *

 

 

_[From: Kuroo_

_To: me_

_Received at 11:14am_

_what are u doing tonight ???_

_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

_no lol but for real whatcha doin??]_

_[To: Kuroo_

_From: me_

_Sent at 12:11pm_

_Not you, that’s for sure.]_

_[To: me_

_From: Kuroo_

_Received at 12:15pm_

_well obviously, party pooper_

_anyway im taking that as ‘i have absolutely nothing to do pls come entertain me kuroo pls pls’_

_im coming over tonight with a new romcom that’s practically screaming our names.]_

_[To: Kuroo_

_From: me_

_Sent at 12:16pm_

_Maybe I have something to do tonight.]_

_[To: me_

_From: Kuroo_

_Received at 12:16pm_

_do you??]_

_[To: Kuroo_

_From: me_

_Sent at 12:17pm_

_No, I’m free tonight. Bring something to eat, too. Preferably pizza.]_

_[To: me_

_From: Kuroo_

_Received at 12:19pm_

_okie dokie artichoke. i’ll see u at 8!]_

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey,” Kuroo said, swiftly giving Kenma a kiss on the head. He put the pizza on the living room table and flopped onto the couch. With a hand on his hip, Kuroo posed suggestively. Kenma rolled his eyes and sat on him, squishing him into the couch. “Alright, alright, I get it. I won’t be a sexy model on your couch.”

 

“You make a better couch than a model,” Kenma smiled, not getting up. The cats all joined in, too, piling on top of Kuroo. Kenma laughed and spread himself out, laying on top of Kuroo.

 

“It’s like a dog pile, but with cats,” Kuroo snorted and gathered the cats up into a hug. He leaned up and kissed Kenma on the lips, before grinning and resting his head again. “That’s too much effort. Why don’t you come down here?”

 

Kenma smirked and leaned down. He paused right before kissing Kuroo, and instead blew a raspberry into his neck. Kuroo laughed and squirmed underneath him. To retaliate, he wrapped his arms around Kenma, holding him in a big bear hug.

 

“Now you’re trapped forever. Sorry.”

 

“Kuroo,” Kenma whined, but Kuroo was having none of it.

 

He shook his head and smirked. “What’s the magic word?”

 

“Hmm,” Kenma pretended to think about the answer. He shifted to make himself more comfortable. He also shoved Clyde off the couch to make more room for himself. “I don’t know, is it ‘Cats’?”

 

“Beeep! Wrong answer!”

 

“Please, Kuroo,” Kenma whined again, pushing himself off Kuroo. “The pizza’s going to get cold.”

 

“Oh, well in that case,” Kuroo grinned and let go. He watched as Kenma stood up and went to a plate from the kitchen. He came back with two plates and served them both some pizza. Kuroo stretched and put the dvd in the dvd player. “I brought _Elf_.”

 

Kenma scrunched his face up with amusement. Sitting down on the couch, he handed a plate to Kuroo. “You know, Christmas was a month ago. It’s almost February.”

 

“It’s always time for Christmas,” Kuroo said. Pushing Lynn and Colin off the couch, he settled down next to his boyfriend. Within seconds, the two cats came back to curl up in his lap. He sighed, both exasperated and happily. “You can never go wrong with a bit of Christmas cheer.”

  
A half hour into the movie, both men had finished their pizza. They moved around on the couch, ignoring the annoyed meows. For the rest of the night, they were curled up against each other. They watched _Christmas Vacation_ after _Elf_ , and teased each other the whole time. But Kenma wouldn’t want it to be any different. That is where he felt the most comfortable, the happiest: cuddling with his boyfriend and cats, watching Christmas movies a month too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i have a question for you guys:  
> do you guys like OCs, like kids?


	23. A Step in the Wrong Direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIME TO D-D-DIE!!!  
> (duel, no one dies, i promise ok)  
> also trigger warning for suicidal thoughts btw....  
> sorry ive done absolutely shit for you guys i rly wanna give up on this BUT IM SO CLSOE  
> also pls listen to this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYOaOzTPsH it made me cry writing this bc is this kuroo or what?? literally him.... what a self sacrificing idiot... the both of them....

 

 

There was a knock at Kenma’s apartment door, waking him up. He groaned, rolling over to check the time on his phone. 7:59am.  _ Who the hell was at his door at 8 in the morning? _ Kenma groaned again, pushing Colin off of him and stood up, wobbling for a second. Stretching, he shuffled to his door and opened it without bothering to check the peephole. 

 

“Good morning!” Kuroo announced, a hand hidden behind his back. Kenma stared at him. Was today something special? Why was he here at 8 in the --  _ oh. _ Kuroo revealed the flowers hidden behind his back, and smirked. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

 

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he mumbled, taking the flowers and stepping aside. Kuroo walked in without a care in the world, a big grin still on his face. Kenma stared at the bouquet in his hands and couldn’t help but smile. They were beautiful, a multitude of bright colors and shades of red and pink. He took a deep whiff. They even smelled amazing. “They’re great, thank you. I’ll put them in a vase right now.”

 

The two men walked into the apartment’s kitchen, and Kenma searched for a vase. When he couldn’t find one, he settled for a tall glass and filled it up with water. The setup didn’t look as fancy as it would have with an actual vase, but it was close enough. 

 

“I kind of feel bad, I didn’t get you anything… I  _ might _ have forgot it was Valentine’s Day,” Kenma admitted shyly. Kuroo deserved all the presents and the chocolate, and Kenma had completely forgotten. What a joke.

 

“No worries, I know how you’ve been the past couple of days.”

 

Even Kuroo knew when not to push, when Kenma needed time for himself, when he needed to just check out for the world… Kuroo was amazing, and Kenma didn’t understand. He didn’t understand at all. The thought popped into his head before he could stop it:

 

Why were they together?

 

They talked for a while, Kenma fading in and out of the conversation. He felt dizzy. Suffocated. All types of shitty feelings. Kuroo took mercy upon him and kissed him on the forehead, leaving for work early. Kenma sat in the same spot for quite a while, until he realized he needed to get ready. He went through the actions of going to work. He hardly remembered showering. 

 

When he got to work, he realized today was going to be a bad day. Not because of anything big, but everything trivial was bothering him. He had tied his shoe three times, and it kept coming untied. He would tie his right shoe, and then, five steps later, his left shoe would come untied. The person in front of him hadn’t held the door, and it has closed shut, hitting him in the face. It had hurt like hell. His stomach began to hurt, too. 

 

Kenma had tried working, he really did. He had tried pushing everything out of his mind and focusing on his video games, but it didn’t work. It wasn’t really a surprise. Years of this shit happening to him, Kenma knew how to recognize if the day was salvageable. As the morning went on, his stomach began to get more and more nauseous. 

 

At 11:30, he threw up and went home. 

 

He didn’t bother going into his apartment. Instead, he went straight to Shouyou’s apartment and knocked on the door. The door opened almost immediately, and Kenma relaxed. Just seeing his best friend made him feel a bit better.

 

“You better come on in,” Shouyou said, noticing how Kenma felt. He, too, was able to recognize Kenma’s moods. It was just harder for him to handle the moods. He stepped aside, and Kenma walked into the apartment. He paused for a second, debating something. Shouyou was pulled into a hug. That was a warning sign if he knew one. “What’s wrong?”

 

They talked for a little bit, Shouyou skirting around the question. 

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Kenma burst into tears. He hunched over on the couch, a sobbing mess. He sounded like a dying cat but he didn’t care. Holding his hands against his neck, he pressed himself as close together as possible. Maybe if he was in the smaller position possible, he’d just disappear. That would fix everything, right?

 

Between hiccups and short breaths, he tried explaining himself. Shouyou rubbed his back. Kenma tried to articulate his words better, but it was hard. “It’s just -- he’s too… he’s too good for me, Shouyou! He cares so much about me, and I’m just … I’m me.”

 

“What are you trying to say?” Shouyou said, the clipped tone giving away his anger. He took a deep breath, and his voice evened out. “Are you saying that you’re not good enough for him? Are you --”

 

He was cut off by Kenma’s head jerking up.

 

“Yes! That’s exactly what I’m saying, Shouyou! He’s too good for me. I’m a depressed piece of shit that can barely function. And you know what? He doesn’t … he doesn’t deserve this. I don’t deserve  _ him.” _

 

They were both silent, for a long time. Kenma’s ragged breaths could be heard. That was it. Even the usual hum of the heater had decided to shut up. It was bad. 

 

“I need a shower,” Kenma said, finally. He stood up, ignoring the dizziness that came along with it. Shouyou stood up to match him. “I’m gonna take some nausea meds and take a shower.”

 

Shouyou watched with sad eyes as Kenma walked away. He didn’t understand how Kenma couldn’t see all the good things about him. Kenma opened the door, and Shouyou called out, “Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

 

No answer.

 

“Shit,” he muttered, and reached for his phone. If Kenma wouldn’t listen to him, then he would call someone who Kenma did listen to. He just hoped it wouldn’t backfire on him. Four rings, and the phone clicked. “Hey, Kuroo?”

 

* * *

 

 

Kenma knew he was bad. This was one of the worst days in a  _ long  _ time. Anger flared randomly, and he had to hold himself back from breaking something. He rarely had to worry about anger, but when he did, it was a bad sign. 

 

In his bathroom, he shut himself away from all the noises and distractions of the apartment. He held his head between his knees and took deep breaths. Would there ever be a time that he wouldn’t fuck things up by existing? He sure hoped so. 

 

Kenma took a long shower, hot enough for it to burn his skin. It didn’t matter. He wondered when he ever started being so self destructive. After his shower, he threw up again. It didn’t make him feel any better. He took some anti-nausea medicine and shuffled around his house. Small house keeping things kept his mind off how he felt. But only for a little bit. 

 

A knock on his door jolted him out of his daze. 

 

He opened the door to the apartment. Kuroo. He was both surprised and not all that surprised. It might have been Shouyou, but besides him, who ever visited him? Kuroo smiled and held up a grocery bag. “Shouyou told me you were sick. I brought chicken noodle soup and movies.”

 

Kenma tried to smile. He really, really, did. It turned out more of a grimace. Kuroo was nice enough not to mention anything. 

 

“Thanks.”

 

“No problem. You go ahead and sit, I’ll warm up the soup,” Kuroo said, immediately going into the kitchen. Kenma walked to the couch and sunk into it. He didn’t feel good. At all. He would have thought Kuroo taking care of him would make him feel better. But he didn’t. If anything, it made him worse.

 

It made him  _ think.  _

 

That was violating rule #1 during a bad day: don’t fucking  _ think.  _ If he ever thought more than necessary during the day, he would overthink everything. His brain would immediately go to the worst case scenario. To insults and self-hate. Over-exaggerating memories. Self-destructing thoughts, and self-destructive thoughts led to self-destructive actions. 

 

Over and over.

 

_ He’s too good for me. He’s too good for me. He takes care of me when I’m sick. He watches me. Makes sure I’m okay. Gives me my space. Understands me. Waits for me. He’s too good. Too good.  _

 

Over and over. Self hate.

 

_ I’m not good enough for him. Not good for him. He deserves someone who can hug and kiss him without tiptoeing. Someone who’s happier more often than sad. A functioning adult. I can’t be good for him. I’m not.  _

 

“Kenma?”

 

He barely registered Kuroo talking to him. Mental illness was hypocritical. For as much as his brain liked to over-think, he definitely didn’t think his next words through. The words tumbled out of his mouth before he even realized he was talking.

 

“I think we should go our separate ways.”

 

Kuroo almost dropped the bowl. For a long time, he didn’t say anything. Just stared at the soup. He took a deep breath and put the bowl down on the table. When Kuroo wouldn’t respond, Kenma got nervous. And when Kenma gets nervous, he babbles.

 

“I’m trying, you know? I’m trying so hard to be a good person, a good  _ match  _ for you, but I can’t. I want to be someone you don’t need to worry about, someone that’s healthy for you. I’m trying but it’s not working. You don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve  _ you.” _

 

“What exactly are you saying, Kenma?” Kuroo asked slowly, drawing out the vowels. Like he didn’t even want to ask, but had to. Maybe the longer he would wait to ask, the more likely Kenma would be to change his mind. 

 

He doubted it, but he could dream, couldn’t he?

 

Avoiding eye contact, Kenma coughed. He picked at his fingers, his jacket, the couch. Anything to take his attention away from the situation at hand. He wished he could control his thoughts better. Look what overthinking did to him. 

 

“I think we should break up.”

 

Kuroo was silent for a long time.

 

“Okay. If that’s what you want.”

 

Kenma didn’t respond. He never actually said  _ yes, Kuroo, this is what I want.  _ He never actually said it, and yet, Kuroo was still turning away, his lip wobbling. He never said it, and Kuroo still leaves without another word. He never -- he never said it. 

 

Because it wasn’t true. Kenma didn’t want it. He wanted to be with Kuroo for as long as he  _ lived,  _ he wanted to be with him forever. But Kuroo didn’t deserve to be stuck with him. Kenma wanted him to stay, and Kuroo was still leaving, leaving -- gone. 

 

He sat there in silence. He didn’t know how long. His time perception had gone to shit the second Kuroo walked out the door. His stomach didn’t feel nauseous anymore. The only thing he could feel was a giant hole in his heart. Then, everything hit him at once, and all of his emotions flare.

 

Kenma _ lost it. _

 

Giant sobs wracked his body, everything hurt. He went into the kitchen and broke the glass that held the flowers. A piece of glass nicked his skin, but he didn’t feel it. A breakdown, a tantrum, any word for it, he was having it. Kenma tripped over one of the cats, and he realized he had hurt Clyde. Sinking down on the kitchen floor, he cried, and cried, and cried. He held Clyde and petted him, the rhythmic motion as the only thing he could pay attention to. The rest of the cats curled up around him, doing their best to help their owner. Kenma pet each and every one of them, crying into Lynn’s fur. He cried some more until he tired himself out. 

 

He curled up in a ball on the tile, because that’s the only thing he could do. 

 

Several hours later, Kenma woke up. His legs were stiff and his eyes were sore. Two cats were on top of him, and one had their butt in his face. He didn’t feel any better. In fact, somehow, he felt worse. This was who he was now, crying until he passed out on the kitchen floor. 

 

Yeah, he felt worse.

 

Kenma doesn’t even bother getting up. His cats are comfortable, it doesn’t really matter if he is or not. All he can do is think. Think, think, think. Thinking is what got him into this mess, and he doubts that it would get him out of it. He can feel his phone sticking him in the side. Maneuvering carefully around his cats, he dug the phone out of his pocket. Somehow, while he had fallen asleep, it had gotten dark and the brightness from the phone made him squint. 10:49pm. Four missed texts from Shouyou. None from Kuroo. 

 

It stings. 

 

What was he expecting? A long, detailed, grand gesture of romance? A text begging for him to come back? Kenma wasn’t the one who left, and all of it was his fault. It shouldn’t hurt, but it did. God, it did. Here he was, overthinking everything again. His mind was at least consistent on that factor. 

 

All the shitty times in his life came flooding back. Why not? He already felt shitty, why not add the past to it? 

 

He remembered when his mom left, without a word, when he turned 16. He remembered his dad drunk more than sober, and how he always ruined holidays. How Kenma had worked full time to put himself through college, and how bad he was treated at work. He never had gotten a break until he had met Nekoma. And then what happened? He fucking died, that’s what happened. All the sympathetic sorry’s couldn’t do anything for him. All those times he was bullied, too. Everything in his life had been shit except for Shouyou and Kuroo. And Kenma fucked the second one up. 

 

“Shit,” Kenma murmured to himself. He shouldn’t be thinking about this stuff. That was the thing with mental illness, though. He couldn’t control it. It did what it wanted, taking hostages along the way. 

 

He wished he was strong enough to reach out. Shouyou was down the hall, but it still felt so far away. Kenma knew he would be fine with it, but he couldn’t bring himself to try to get up and talk to Shouyou. He wanted to reach out, but he couldn’t. 

 

Who was there to reach out to, even if he could?

 

The longer Kenma stayed on the floor, the worse he got. He didn’t know he could get worse, but he did. He thought he had been over the suicidal thoughts. Apparently not. It wasn’t like he wanted to kill himself he just wanted to cease existing. There was a difference. He didn’t want to actively die, just… not be here. 

 

Kenma ruined the only good thing in his life, and he can’t blame it on anyone else. The cats on top of him stirred, like they knew he was going downhill. Lynn nuzzled her way into Kenma’s arm. Even his cats didn’t help, and that’s when he knew he was screwed. 

 

The glass from the makeshift vase was still on the ground. His hand had stopped bleeding hours ago. Kenma thought that maybe it should start bleeding again. He reached out, slowly. He registered his arm stretching, but it was weird. Everything was moving. Kenma was dizzy even though he was stationary. Annoyed meows were heard, then became distant. A figure appeared in his vision. 

 

Suddenly, he was upright. 

 

Kuroo was standing in front of him, eyes wild. He gripped Kenma’s forearm enough to hurt, and the glass dropped from his hand. Kenma’s mouth was dry and his voice was groggy, but he spoke anyway. “Why - why are you here? I just - how are you able to be here right now?”

 

Kuroo’s eyes widen, and his face went soft. He pulled Kenma into a tight hug. Cats curled around their legs, tails swishing back and forth. 

 

“I knew this would happen. I told myself not to come, but I care about you too much. I couldn’t let you hurt yourself,” Kuroo whispered into Kenma’s ear. They rocked back in forth in the dark kitchen for a long time. Kuroo hummed a song he didn’t recognize. 

 

Kenma cleared his throat. “Why?”

 

“I care about you so much. I don’t care what we are, I want you to be happy. I can push my emotions aside to help you. If breaking up with me makes you happy, then…” Kuroo said, trailing off at the end. He held Kenma at arm's length, a hand cupping his cheek. “I will gladly leave your life.”

 

Kuroo just stared at Kenma, love overflowing his eyes and his touch. He wiped away all of Kenma’s tears. Kuroo looked at Kenma with so much love and warmth that he wanted to scream. How did he end up with such a wonderful person?

 

Kenma broke down and starts bawling. He tried to talk. In between hiccups, he managed, “I’m not happy! I’m not happy at all, but when I’m with you, I’m a little bit better.”

 

They both know it’s not healthy. But if being with Kuroo makes him happy, then Kenma will start there. He’ll start there, and get better from there on. He’ll learn to lean on people. He’ll learn to be a pillar of strength on his own.

 

Eventually, he’ll learn to cope. 

 

Eventually, he’ll find balance. 

 

But he’ll find it with Kuroo.


	24. I'm Sticking With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok yall... after a frankly too long ride, here is the last chapter. i have an epilogue planned but will post that tomorrow since it's already written.  
> if i had all the time in the world i'd do like 3 more chapters of fluff but im tired of this fic and just want it over tbh. but im not too rude as to leave this fic in abandon. so here u go, a bullshit last chapter that i hope someone will like.  
> all fluff yall and they say the Big 3 Words!!!!  
> also the chap title comes from im sticking with you by the velvet underground!! its a cute song go listen to it

 

 

Life was good.

 

Better than it had ever been.

 

Kenma had been going on dates with Kuroo, allowing kisses and even public displays of affection. It was a big step, and Kenma felt more at ease in his relationship than he had ever before. Especially after that one night.

 

Kenma also had pet-play dates with Sugar and Sebastian at Shouyou’s apartment. He’d visited all the kittens that Sugar had, including Aone’s. A lot of times he would have lunch with Yamaguchi. He’d get annoying text messages from Oikawa, for whatever reason. Bokuto would send him pictures of owls and memes.

 

Everything was good, and he hadn’t fucked anything up.

 

* * *

 

 

“So… How do you feel about a double date?” Yamaguchi asked, a sly smile on his face. Kenma coughed, nearly choking on his salad. He stared at Yamaguchi. A leaflet stuck out of Kenma’s mouth. An accurate description of his utter confusion, really.

 

A couple of days ago, Yamaguchi had worked up the courage to ask his “boss” for lunch dates. They actually got along really well, more so than Kenma would have ever thought. It was awkward at first, but soon enough, they opened up to each other. Yamaguchi told him all about the kitten he had adopted, assuring Kenma that the little guy was perfectly happy in their family. In turn, Kenma told his employee about his own life. He was reluctant, at first, to talk about anxiety and depression.

 

Turns out, Yamaguchi gets it. Like, really gets it.

 

More specifically, Yamaguchi had anxiety, too.

 

The lunch dates got much easier after that. The two men became quick friends, helping each other through different problems that arouse. Everything had been fine. Until now. Damn Yamaguchi and his bravery. But also, it was something to admire.

 

“A double date?” Kenma asked, unsure.

 

“Yeah!” Yamaguchi said, excited. His cowlick flopped when he nodded enthusiastically. He leaned forward, like he was sharing a secret. “I want to go on a double date with you and Kuroo. I know you’ve known for like, ever, that me and Tsukki are together. And I know how Tsukki gets along with Kuroo. It’d be great! What do you think?”

 

“I don’t know. I thought Tsukishima didn’t like Kuroo.”

 

“No, that’s such a facade, it’s ridiculous. He was like that with me at first, did you know?” Yamaguchi leaned back with a huff. His cowlick flopped again, and Kenma found himself fascinated with the piece of hair. It kept bouncing, and it mimicked Yamaguchi’s mood. Bizarre. But also interesting. “Tsukki always acts like he hates people, but in reality he likes them.”

 

“Do you use hair product?” Kenma blurted randomly. He cursed himself for not thinking his sentences through. But. Oh well. Yamaguchi blinked, confused. His hand went to his hair and he looked scared, like he assumed he looked ugly or something. “It’s just… your cowlick. Do you do anything to it?”

 

Yamaguchi blinked again, looking up, as if he could see his hair. He smiled and his cheeks turned bright red. “I try to, but it always comes back. It doesn’t matter what I do to it. Why?”

 

“It’s just… so fluffy.”

 

“Is this you trying not-so-subtly to change the subject? You never answered for the double date,” Yamaguchi pointed out. He grinned. Nothing got by him! “Come on, it’ll be fun! I promise! We can go bowling, or something like that.”

 

Kenma sighed. “Okay. Sure.”

 

* * *

 

 

The double date wasn’t as bad as Kenma had been expecting.

 

Kuroo loved the double date. Not only was he a pro at bowling (who knew?) but he had a ton of fun messing around with Tsukishima. Kenma was, as predicted, a terrible bowler, but so was Tsukishima. They bonded over that fact. Yamaguchi was pretty good, although he bowled with his eyes closed.

 

After two agonizing long rounds of bowling, both of which Kenma lost, the four messed around at the arcade. Yamaguchi dominated air-hockey, beating even the obnoxious teenage boys that challenged him. Tsukishima was amazing at dance-dance revolution. It was funny, as he danced, he kept a straight face. Wild. Kenma liked the roller coaster simulation ride, and was pretty good at the hitting-the-groundhog-game. Kuroo, that fucking idiot, spent way too much money on the crane game. He only gave up after he won a small kitten for Kenma.

 

“It looks like you!”

 

“No, it doesn’t.”

 

“Yes it does.”

 

“No.”

 

It did. But Kuroo didn’t need to know that.

 

After the wild ride in the arcade, the group of four went to get ice cream. Yamaguchi and Kenma hung back while their respective boyfriends bought their ice cream. They gossiped, laughing when Tsukishima tried to trip Kuroo. The two came back, still fighting over something or another. Yamaguchi whispered something to Tsukishima, whose face turned bright red. Kuroo snorted, accidentally choking on his ice cream.

 

It was a mess, but Kenma loved it.

 

Kenma leaned into Kuroo, not really minding if that was considered public display of affection. He was tired and comfortable, it was more of an unconscious action than anything else. Kuroo smiled down at him, dipping his finger in ice cream and smearing it on Kenma’s face. Kenma gasped dramatically and returned the favor. There was more ice cream on their faces and the ground than that had gone into their mouths.

 

The evening had been nice.

 

The night was even nicer.

 

Yamaguchi had hugged Kenma goodbye, after making sure it was okay, of course. Tsukishima had patted him awkwardly and the two left, holding hands. Kuroo followed Kenma home, and it felt normal. Comfortable, even. Like Kuroo had been staying the night at Kenma’s apartment for ages. Kenma wondered if he’d ever get over the fact that they were together. He hoped not. The idea of Kuroo coming into his apartment gave him butterflies every damn time, and he never wanted the feeling to go away.

 

Once they were at Kenma’s apartment, Kuroo fit right in, like he belonged there. He petted all the cats, saying hello to each and every one. They all liked him. If they could speak, Kenma was sure they’d say they approved of him.

 

“Tonight was nice,” Kuroo commented offhandedly, sitting down on the couch. Lynn wanted to jump onto his lap, but Kenma beat her to it. He sprawled himself over Kuroo’s lap, his legs stretched across the couch. Kuroo looked surprised. “Well, hello there.”

 

“Shut up,” Kenma told him. Promptly after that, he blushed and buried his face into Kuroo’s neck. His arms fit nicely on Kuroo’s waist. It was like he was a big baby, being held by Kuroo. But it didn’t feel weird. He felt at home, right in Kuroo’s arms. “Don’t say anything stupid.”

 

“How did you know I was going to say something stupid?”

 

“You always say something stupid,” Kenma laughed, rolling his eyes for dramatic affect. Sugar jumped onto the couch and settled down in Kenma’s lap. Now there were two beings in Kuroo’s lap. Kenma snorted. “Second-hand lap.”

 

It took Kuroo a second. The joke made no sense at first, but slowly registered on Kuroo’s face. He laughed, shaking his head. “You’re stupid. That makes no sense.”

 

“You thought it was funny,” Kenma huffed.

 

“But I think everything you say is funny,” Kuroo shot back, a megawatt smile on his face. He pretended to flip his hair. “I have to laugh at everything you say and tell you that you’re right all the time. I’m the most perfect boyfriend, after all.”

 

Kenma was quiet for a long time. Kuroo was about to ask what was wrong when Kenma kissed him. The kiss was different than anything they had ever done before. It was less chaste, more passionate. Just … more. Kuroo was left breathless. Mostly because he forgot how to breathe, but that didn’t really matter, did it?

 

“What was that for?”

 

“Because you’re right,” Kenma mumbled shyly. He wanted so badly to hide his face, to ignore the flush appearing across his cheeks. But he had to do this. Mustering all the courage he had, he looked Kuroo in the eyes. “You’re right, you’re the perfect boyfriend.”

 

Kuroo didn’t respond. He _couldn’t_ respond. Kenma was too damn cute he couldn’t handle it. Kenma was too cute and he was Kuroo’s boyfriend. What a steal.

 

“You’re thinking something weird, aren’t you?”

 

“Of course not,” Kuroo scoffed. As if he’d ever think anything weird. Did Kenma did know him at all? “I was just thinking about how cute you are. And the fact that you’re my boyfriend. Basically, I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have such a cute boyfriend.”

 

A pause.

 

Then, Kuroo asked, “Can I kiss you?”

 

Kenma nodded.

 

Kuroo squashed down the smile that was taking over his face. A smile would mess up their kiss. Granted, it’d be funny, but they’d already had their fair share of funny kisses. They deserved a real, passionate kiss. Kuroo vaguely recognized that Sugar jumped off their lap. It didn’t matter. There were better things to focus on, after all.

 

Kuroo slid a hand up Kenma’s side, coming to rest on his jawline, under his hair. He leaned in, bringing their lips together softly. Kenma closed his eyes, and Kuroo could feel him physically melt in his arms. Approval. Kenma’s hands settled on Kuroo’s shoulders, pulling them closer together. Kuroo had to remind himself to breathe.

 

Taking a second away from the kiss, Kuroo smirked. Kenma knew something was going to happen, because why else would Kuroo _smirk_? Suddenly, he was lifted princess style and carried to his bedroom. Kenma actually felt like they had gotten married and he was being carried across the threshold. They fell onto the couch, and they jiggled more than Kenma would have liked to admit. He couldn’t hold his laughter back.

 

Kuroo chuckled, too, hovering just above Kenma. He smiled, and nuzzled Kenma’s neck. “I love your laugh. It’s so cute and pure, it always makes me laugh as well. I wish you would laugh more.”

 

“Be funnier, then,” Kenma retorted, immediately. Kuroo went wide-eyed and gasped. How -- how dare his boyfriend suggest that he wasn’t funny? Though he had to admit, it was a nice comeback. Kenma himself looked surprised. He laughed and said, “I don’t know where that came from. But anyway, would you like an ice pack for that burn?”

 

Kuroo burst into loud laughter, burying his face in the mattress. He can’t handle this. When did Kenma learn how to be sassy? Okay, that’s a lie. Kuroo knew Kenma was sassy since they had met. But Kenma was roasting him at the wrong time; he should save it for later. When they weren’t doing … _this_ . Whatever _this_ turned out to be. Kuroo told him as much, saying, “Ouch. Please keep your insults to a minimum, I’m trying to seduce you.”

 

“It’s not working very well,” Kenma said, trying not to giggle. The blush was still on his face. He looked away, trying to ignore the fact that something was happening. Before he could stop it, his mouth formed the words, “I need to be wined and dined before I’m sixty-nined.”

 

Oh.

 

_Oh._

 

Kuroo looked shocked. Absolutely devastated. Kenma felt like he could die. He wanted to crawl in a hole and never be seen by society ever again. How could he say that? He wasn’t even thinking anything remotely close to that so _how_ did those words come out of his mouth? This was all his anxieties fault. When he got anxious, he babbled. This was just a severe case, that’s all.

 

But still.

 

 _Damn_.

 

“Oh my _god_ , Kenma,” Kuroo damn near squealed, rolling off him onto the bed. He sprawled out and pretended to die. His face was bright red, too. He had imagined all three parts of what Kenma said. It didn’t turn out so well. “Did you -- did you really just say that? I can’t believe --”

 

“Shut up! I say stupid shit when I’m nervous!” Kenma groaned, still wanting to die in a hole. He rolled over and stuffed his face into a pillow. If that was what came out of his mouth, then he just wouldn’t talk.

 

A few moments later, Kenma could feel the bed shifting. Kuroo moved up and wrapped an arm around his waist, gently moving the pillow away from Kenma’s face. He pulled Kenma into a half hug, half cuddle type of embrace. Stroking Kenma’s face, he said, “You know, we don’t have to do anything tonight. I’ve told you before that I’m willing to wait for you. As long as I can still be with you, I don’t care how often or how late we do anything. Okay?”

 

“Okay,” Kenma murmured back, tilting his head sideways so he could see his boyfriend. “I was so close, you know? I got nervous, is all. At least now I know you really will wait for me. I’m so glad I have you, because I want to do all these things with you, I really do. It just takes me longer to be okay than it does with others.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I want to do everything with you, I want the whole dream,” Kenma said, leaning to kiss Kuroo on the lips again. He played with Kuroo’s hair, roughly tugging on the ridiculous bed hair. “I’m sorry it has taken me so long to say it, but … I love you.”

 

“I love you, too,” Kuroo replied, with no hesitation at all. That made Kenma happy. His boyfriend didn’t have to think about saying he loved Kenma back, he just _did_. Butterflies crept into his stomach, and his heart felt like flying. Kuroo kissed Kenma on the nose. “I love you so much. I will wait for you, always.”

 

Kenma smiled, a real smile. The one that Kuroo always said he looked incredibly handsome doing. He rolled them over so they could get under the blankets, and he tucked them in. Together. It felt so natural, to be in a bed together with Kuroo. Kenma could get used to this.

 

“I want to be with you forever.”

 

“I know. We will be,” Kuroo promised Kenma. He tugged the blanket all the way over them and brought his phone out. It was like a miniature tent, with the light coming from the phone. Even in such a weird lighting, Kenma looked beautiful. Kuroo was lucky to be able to promise himself to such a wonderful individual. He chuckled, and told Kenma, “I plan on being that Grandpa that yells at kids to get off our lawn, you know.”

 

“Oh my god, you’re such an idiot.”

 

“Okay, Kenma, but get this,” Kuroo whispered, and paused for dramatic effect. For too long, maybe, because Kenma rolled his eyes and huffed. He was quiet just a bit longer. Eventually, he said, “I’m _your_ idiot.”

 

Kenma laughed and rolled his eyes again. He made it a big point to roll over and ignore Mr. Drama Queen. Kenma would be hearing this type of joke for the rest of his life. He couldn’t bring himself to be disappointed. In fact, he was kind of looking forward to it.

  
“Yeah, you’re right. You’re my idiot.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yesSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THEY SAID I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!  
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	25. (Short) Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short epilogue, ten years later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's so much to say, i don't know where to start. i can't believe this is over, finally.
> 
> i guess, first off, thank you to all of you that have been with me for the entire time, or even just a portion of the time. all your lovely comments and kudos really helped me to finish this fic. i've gotten a lot from this fic, such as a better writing style, and knowing what not to do. i hope each and every one of you got at least something out of this fic as well, even if all it did was help time go faster. i love you all. really. 
> 
> i don't know how many times i wanted to give up on this fic, or delete everything and start over. i owe my tenacity to all of you reading this. i also want to say thank you for bearing with me during that period where i edited and combined chapters -- i know that was a huge pain in the ass. 
> 
> i wanted to put these notes at the beginning so i know people will see them, because that's how much i care about everyone. i want everyone to know just how much i appreciate them. even if all you did was read, i appreciate it. this fic, and all these great comments and people got me through a lot of rough times. 
> 
> i can write kenma as depressed, because i've had the same thoughts. i know what goes through the mind. i know how it feels. i have bipolar, so it really helped me deal with rough things in life when i could write it out, even if it was about a fictional character. so all the bad thoughts, everything bad that happened to kenma -- it's real. the good that happened to kenma, too, after finding the right combination of medicine, friends, and support. i have that, too. but mental illness will always be there, and this fic really helped me as a coping skill.
> 
> so, that's all, i guess. just...
> 
> thank you. all of you.

 

_ Ten years later... _

 

One decade, two human additions to the family, three cat funerals, four big decisions, five incredibly awkward family dinners, six vacations, seven new pets (goldfish included), eight newly hired employees, nine fights, and ten years later, Kenma is still in love with Kuroo. 

 

A lot had happened in those ten years. 

 

They had came out to Kuroo’s parents and gotten married, moving into a small suburban house they bought together. The house was perfect. It was located close enough Kuroo’s veterinary office, which had been a big deal at the time. He had finally hired enough employees to make the veterinary office a true, 24/7 emergency animal hospital. 

 

A dream come true. 

 

Kenma and Kuroo had gone to  _ several  _ weddings. Too many, in fact. Kenma knew there was a joke floating around that gay people tend to stick together. Damn, that was so true. Hinata and Kageyama had gotten back together. Kageyama turned out to be a really cool guy after he realized how rude he had been. He worked hard to get back together with Hinata, and eventually, they did. They got married. Oikawa and Iwaizumi got married, too, along with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. They all took advantage when the country finally ruled gay marriage as legal. 

 

Kuroo used to joke with their friend group that they needed some straight friends. 

 

A while after that, Kuroo and Kenma adopted a little girl, around six years old by then, named Mari, welcoming her with open arms. Kenma, to this day, thinks that Kuroo is a wonderful father. Mari always took the time to play with Kuroo’s hair and do his makeup. Surprisingly, he allows her. She even coaxed him into doing a fashion show, with Kenma being paparazzi. He treasures those pictures with all his heart. 

 

Then, they adopted a three-year-old boy. Adrian. He was very much like his sister, and looked up to her. He followed her around and was a huge fan of animals. It seemed like every time Kenma looked away, Adrian showed up with a new animal. A stray dog, another cat, a turtle, a bird with a broken wing, a squirrel with no parents. All of them. Eventually, Kuroo let him keep the bird, and bought him a few goldfish, but the rest of them were put back into the wilderness.

 

(For Adrian’s seventh birthday, Kenma took him to the animal shelter and he picked out a cat. It was his  _ mostest favorite _ birthday so far. His exact words.)

 

Many, many tears had been shed, too. Sugar, Clyde, and Lynn had passed away over the course of several years, leaving Kenma in a depressed state. Kuroo was always quick to cheer him up, putting on an extravagant funeral, acting as a priest. Mari was there, too, holding her father’s hand and nodding along to Kuroo’s sermon. 

 

Of course, if someone asked her now, she will say that she wasn’t crying. She’s a strong, young lady that doesn’t cry. Kuroo knows better, but doesn’t say anything. 

 

Kenma and Kuroo had fought many times. Most often though, the fight would end with tears, hugging and apologies. Words that were exchanged weren’t true. One time, Adrian had caught them fighting, and it ended in a huge family group hug, with everyone sobbing.

 

It wasn’t pretty, but they grew from it.

 

There were still times that Kenma was depressed. Still are, and always will be. There were days when Kenma didn’t want to get out of bed, days that he felt nothing, when he couldn’t do anything productive at all. There were still days that he felt the ache and loneliness that he had always grown up with. 

 

It was a slow going process. Kuroo was always there to help whenever he could. Even their kids understood as much as kids can. Adrian caught butterflies and brought them to his dad, pouting when he was told to let them go. Mari made him grilled cheese sandwiches. Both of them cuddled their father and watched Disney movies together.

 

Kenma would always be depressed, but it was okay. There were coping skills he had, things he could do to help. He knew what he could do, and he knew when sometimes he just had to survive. He had people he could depend on, his friends, people he loved, his new family. 

 

So much had changed, and Kenma is fine. 

 

More than fine, really.

 

A sound of padded footsteps startles Kenma out of his memories. He realizes he had been staring at the wall in the kitchen, and the food he was making nearly burnt. The footsteps are easily recognized as his husband’s. 

 

“What are you thinking about there, Kenma?” Kuroo asks, wrapping a welcomed arm around his husband. Kenma leans back into the hug and shrugs noncommittally. “You feelin’ okay today? What type of day is today?”

 

“Mm, I’m happy,” he answers, closing his eyes, breathing in and out slowly. He can hear the soft pit patter of kitten claws on wood floors. He can hear Mari and Adrian testing out his newest video game in the next room. The house hums with small noises that make the house feel like home. But mostly, he can feel Kuroo laugh behind him. “What’s so funny?”

 

“You’re acting all nostalgic. Care to elaborate?”

 

“I was just … thinking about us. When we were younger.”

 

“Oh?” Kuroo chuckles and Kenma knows a smart-ass response is coming. Kenma can almost see the raised eyebrow, half smirk look on his face when Kuroo says, “I haven’t lost my boy-ish charm since becoming a loving husband and doting father, right?”

 

Kenma snorts and rolls his eyes. “Did you ever have that to begin with?”

 

Kuroo pauses, pretending to think. “No. No, I don’t think I ever did. How did I ever get you to date me, again?”

 

“You saved my cat,” Kenma replies, turning around and leans against the kitchen counter. They both know that isn’t completely true. Sugar had just been pregnant, not dying. But Kenma doesn’t say anything. Instead, his lips twitch up into a smile. Which is obnoxious, when he’s trying so hard not to smile. “I must have a hero-complex, or something. Otherwise, I haven’t a single clue.”

 

“Oh, shut up,” Kuroo laughs, taking a step closer to Kenma. He leans into his face, smiling the smile that his husband always thought was gorgeous. “You love me!”

 

“I do,” Kenma says, kissing him on the lips, and smiling. He pauses, just enough to hug his husband and say, “I do love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Kenma is engulfed in Kuroo’s big body, a giant bearhug and is swung around the kitchen. Kenma has to control himself to not scold him. He laughs instead,  _ don’t swing me around in the kitchen, you’ll knock something over!  _ He’s put back onto solid ground, and Kuroo kisses him again. 

 

He’s so glad he met this giant goofball of a man. Always doing something ridiculous. Like he is right that moment, as he swats Kenma’s butt playfully. What a dork. But Kenma wouldn’t have it any other way. 

 

Adrian and Mari come into the kitchen, expecting snacks, but instead get their dads in a disgustingly cheesy embrace. They look at each other, roll their eyes, and shrug, joining in the family hug. Kenma sighs. He’s happy, he’s so happy, even when he’s depressed, he can still be happy. The medicine change he finally got prescribed is working. He has coping skills that work for the most part. His family loves him and he loves his family. He has friends he can count on for almost anything, and dear god, he’s happy. 

 

He’s happy. 

 

Kenma breathes out slowly, ruffling Adrian’s hair blissfully. (It looks remarkably like Kuroo’s, even though they’re not genetically related. It’s just as fun to play with as the original.) He sighs again, and murmurs something just loud enough for the people he loves to hear:

 

“I’m so happy. I love you three with all of my heart, and more.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end.
> 
> thank you.


End file.
